Melbourne Cup Omnifug

You know what I love? If you’ve been reading long enough, you probably do: Diet Coke, sandwiches, Josh Jackson, shoes, and when people wear wacky hats to horse races. Yesterday (or…two days ago? I get confused with the whole international date line thing, and how our friends in Australia are living in THE FUTURE) was the Melbourne Cup, and it was not disappointing. Let’s examine the ladies and their wacky/fabulous hats, shall we?

Former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins looks fine, if maybe in need of a slightly larger skirt. Like, half a size. Maybe a quarter of a size. Just so I can’t see her hip flexor muscles. But what’s that on her head?

Oh, okay. Sure. You’ve attacked a series of peacock feathers with your straightening iron and attached them to your headband. It actually kind of works. Although it is rather embarrassing that your Feathers Stuck in a Headdress look is quite similar to Zara Phillips’s Twigs Stuck In a Bun: 

And SHE is the queen’s granddaughter. Back in the day, I’m sure if your Twigs in a Headband headdress was too similar to the queen’s granddaughter’s Twigs in a Bun headdress, you ended up in the Tower.

THIS is not too similar to anything, other than a loofah:

But I must commend designer Leona Edmiston here for having the wherewithal to add loofah epaulets to her frock: very forward-thinking.

I actually think model Rebecca Twigley’s dress is beautiful. And her hat will be ideal for holding fruit on the breakfast table tomorrow, so well-played all around!

Thanks for making the effort, Madden Brothers. Way to represent. You could have at the least turned your trucker cap WHOLLY sideways and truly committed to the look. All I know is, Nicole NEVER would have allowed either of you to get away with this, and thus must be at home with the babies.

Socialite Pia Miller was at least resourceful enough to realize that if you don’t have a hat, you can always make one from a napkin, lipstick-stains be damned!

And Olivia Newton John can wear whatever the hell she wants.