Every day, writing for Go Fug Yourself teaches me something fresh. For example, I didn’t think I needed to see any proof of why running around town in what amounts to a romper might not be an attractive idea, and I was fairly sure I didn’t require further convincing that a nice, thorough mirror-check before leaving the house is always a spectacular idea.
But, silly me, it’s always worth seeing proof.
Thanks to either the bagging or the weird tricks of the light achieved by this startling formal-shorts onesie, Maria Menounous — a lovely young entertainment reporter whose figure is tough to ruin — looks rather like she’s packing heat. The horseshoe on her belt buckle hasn’t so much brought her luck as merely presided over the birth of a crotch bulge.
So if anyone out there has been pondering destroying all the mirrors in his or her house, this phantom scrotum ought to bring you back onto the path of sanity and necessary vanity. And indeed, lest any of you be sitting at home with marinara stains on your rapidly self-untucking shirt thinking, “FORGET IT. I give up. I’m getting a romper. And I want it made of shiny material so unnatural I could just wipe it off with a sponge next time I spill my pasta,” well, then Maria’s Mystical Sac of Tricks should be proof enough that this idea can come back to bite you in the ghostnads.
It’s a tough enough world out there as it is, ladies. Don’t make it worse for yourselves. Be strong, be vigilant, and above all else, don’t let Polterwang happen to you.