Hey y’all,

Y’all. You KNOW I am really busy with the X-Files when you see the ad for my new perfume which is a mix of my two other perfumes or my perfume and someone else’s perfume or…okay, listen, I don’t really know what I’m selling. BUT LOOK AT IT. I would like to testify that I had nothing nothing nothing to do with anything that had anything to do with this:

Who wants to buy a perfume that turns your hair brown and makes you all impervious to gravity OR one that MAKES FEATHERS COME OUT OF YOUR ARMPITS?? That seems like a TERRIBLE THING TO HAPPEN. Y’all, I know everyone on my “team” thinks I’m secretly kinda dumb but even I know that no one wants to buy something that turns you into a bird.

Everyone’s fired. Seriously, all y’all. Fired. GET OUT.



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Comments (50):

  1. Danna

    “MAKES FEATHERS COME OUT OF YOUR ARMPITS” My first thought, exactly.

  2. Katty McNiley Ripley

    They seem to be also using photos(aka “retouching style”) from the good old Toxic days…. ‘Cause homegirl hasn’t looked like that in a while, y’all!

    But who can blame them; Toxic Britney was really hot (and young, and tanned, and tonned, and sexy)

    • ESK

      I agree completely! These look like they are totally recycled photos that they just photoshopped new hair and other accessories onto!

    • Clarence Beeks

      Britney has totally lost her looks, IMO, so old retouched pics are best at this point.

  3. Ryan

    I’d definitely buy that perfume that turns your hair brown and makes you impervious to gravity. Shit sounds cash.

  4. glee

    Who buys this stuff? I understand she has a fan base, but even Chris Kroker (or what’s-his-face of “don’t hate on Britney youtube infamy”) is old enough to be buying Lady Stetson now.

    • LibraryChick

      Who buys this stuff? Apparently parents who want to please their teens. Last year I asked a clerk at the beauty counter for assistance with selecting a perfume to buy for my cousin’s birthday. The daughter was entering her teens, so I didn’t want to get anything too babyish. When I asked about the most popular perfumes with teens, I was surprised to learn the Britney Spears stuff sold the most (at least at this store). I purchased the Heidi Klum fragrance instead. The Britney Spears stuff is packaged well and the scents are all right, but I knew my aunt would not approve of Ms. Spears as a role model for my young cousin.

  5. Helen

    Oh, God, I can’t stop laughing! The X-Files! BWA!

    Letters of Truth are the BEST. I can so easily hear her saying these things!

    And it’s true, I do not want a perfume that turns me into a bird. Especially if that transformation begins in the armpit. Un-comfortable!

  6. Emily

    I always read these in a southern accent and I just crack myself up.

  7. Eliza Bennett

    Blonde Brit looks terrified;Brunette Brit looks like Jessica Biel. I don’t think I want to smell like either.

  8. Tarryn

    For some reason at first glance I thought Blonde Britney was Kristen Wiig.

  9. Art Eclectic

    Soon to be appearing in “special sale” bins everywhere at your favorite discount emporium! Product placement on “Honey Boo Boo” coming in 4, 3, 2, 1….

  10. Anna Svahn

    They do a hellza lot of airbrushing on her. Just saying.

  11. youknowho

    I died @ “Everyone’s fired. Seriously, all y’all.”

    X-Files, ha!!

    Would Brit-Brit really use the word impervious? Ijs.

    • meggiemoo

      Exactly…I don’t think she’s dumb, but I don’t see her rolling out “impervious”. Otherwise, the letter of truth was fab.

  12. Evie

    All I think of when I see this is that someone who designed this ad is obsessed with Fringe because it looks like Britney and Fauxitney. One is blonde and one has dark hair with bangs.

  13. Kat

    I might get my hand slapped for this one but… maybe the art is an abstract nod to her alleged bipolar disorder?!

    • Jessica

      That would be a very weird PR choice.

      The thing is, Britney’s perfumes sells GANGBUSTERS, apparently.

      • Helen

        Supposedly, men love these scents on women. I hear that the most about “Curious.” Everyone who wears it says her boyfriend/husband goes nuts for it.

        • CranAppleSnapple

          We can make it at home using cheeto dust, pixie stix and Yoohoo. :)

      • Tiffany

        I always see it at CVS. I dont’ know if I would trust a perfume sold at CVS.

        • LibraryChick

          The biggest reaction I ever got out of an ex was with the Victoria’s Secret Vanilla Lace lotion (made me smell like donuts… surprised I didn’t get pulled over more) or with Music from Gwen Stefani’s L.A.M.B. perfume line. Oh, and selling at places like CVS and Walgreens are how these celebrities make their money. Those of us in the rural areas don’t always have malls with Macy’s or other fine beauty counters.

  14. Aria

    I think this part is my favorite: Y’all, I know everyone on my “team” thinks I’m secretly kinda dumb but even I know that no one wants to buy something that turns you into a bird.

  15. Lindy

    Britney looks as much like that ad as I do.

  16. Suzy

    Wowza! That’s a whole lotta photoshop for one pic! And no one wants feathered armpits, no one…

  17. anny

    Everybody hush up about the armpit feathers or some idiot will send them down the runway next Fashion Week. Probably Marc Jacobs.

  18. Joyce

    Got my laugh for the day! Thank you!

  19. Ann

    The shape of her face is different in the 2 photos. Her jawline is completely different.

  20. vandalfan

    The sole item that looks even remotely like a part of Brit-Brit is the left eye of the right-side up gal. And it is a rare human being, other than competitive swimmers, who can put their arms up akimbo and six inches behind their head. Of course, she has to make room for all the feathers.

  21. Shanti

    Wait. Are either of those girls supposed to be her?

  22. Annette

    Actually, there’s some behind the scenes video/such where she looks equally amazing so it’s definitely not too photoshopped

    I personally love the upside down one even if I have to turn my head….

  23. Guerra

    I thought the brunette was lady gaga!

  24. Nancy

    The eyeliner in Top Britney coupled with a first glance at the head piece made me think of Cleopatra – or, Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra, at least.

  25. Cath

    Why did the mention of feathers out her armpits make me think it was time for a holiday in Vegas?

  26. glee

    After all the dramz in her life, I hope she feels ridiculously better (she still looks really blunted on TV). She’ll still have a ton of money, a pretty good looking agent/fiance, and adorable kids. And she is just GORGEOUS – something that’s not up for debate.

    Also, a lot of bipolar meds make you gain weight – I suspect she spends most of her time in the gym…

  27. Isabel

    I’m confused. Why did they use Gaga as a model? The top one doesn’t look like Britney at all. Sad.

  28. katkin74

    looks nothing like her! It’s like a combination of Brett Michaels and some other D list rock wife that I can’t seem to place.

  29. Leti

    She’s got the worst case of ceiling eyes on the bottom pic. Since she’s upside down, do they count as floor eyes ?!

  30. Krazy Kat


  31. fritanga

    This poor woman. They’ve Photoshopped crazy life into the eyes of Good Twin/Evil Twin, because you know she was barely conscious during this shoot. Ugh. I’ve never liked her, but even I think that this “trained drugged monkey” thing has gone much, much too far.

    • fritanga

      I mean, I only wish she was cognizant (and conscious) enough to complain bitterly about this crap.

  32. Lily1214

    Are you really sure this is Britney?

  33. mrs.capers

    No one else sees Tyra Banks in the upside down Britney?

  34. The Fugger

    This letter is possibly the most fabulous thing I have ever read on GFY. And that includes the KW by Kanye West Fall 2011 collection and every single Hola Lovers/Lopez Idol post.

    If only I were confident Brit-Brit could say that IRL.

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  36. starling

    Am I the only one concerned about the placement of the perfume bottle? All I can see is nipple patch.