Lady Fugga

So, this weekend, Jessica and I stumbled on a hideously bad movie on cable called Love Ranch, about the first brothel in Nevada, directed by Taylor Hackford and starring his wife Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci as a married couple (I said to Jessica, “She must REALLY LOVE HER HUSBAND”), and Taryn Manning, Elise Neal, Gina Gershon, and Bai Ling as prostitutes. What we saw of it was crazy bad — I think Joe Pesci used variations of the f-word in one speech as at least three different parts of speech, and you can see Mirren’s eyes glaze over in the middle of it — but you can’t beat the title. I’m surprised that isn’t a reality show. Except I guess it already is, and has been, and you’ve seen it as any one or many of the following: Temptation Island, Love Island, Bachelor Pad, that awful winter Big Brother season where they tried to make everyone hook up, possibly Tool Academy in parts, and whatever that show was where Tila Tequila let a bunch of people lick her on camera.

All of which is a long-winded and strange segue to this outfit:

In this, I think of her as the proprietor of the Three Musketeers’ favorite love ranch, where “All For One and One For All” has a distinctly different meaning.

But what I really cherish about this photo is the glazed look in her eyes, as if she’s thinking, “How the HELL am I going to fit this sucker in a car?”

The answer is: with limited success, a lot of wranglers, and a very crabby chauffeur who now can’t use his rearview mirror.

I  mean, seriously. I’d love to know how she got that through customs — it feels like it should count as exporting wildlife. It looks like a macabre hat that a Death Eater might wear, made of quills fashioned from the owls of the wizards he or she has killed. Yes, Gagatrix Ladystrange would TOTALLY roll that way.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]

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Comments (36):

  1. Sandra

    When you can’t get into a car because of the costume you are wearing, it’s time to declare Halloween to be officially over and go put on something from the NormalWear Collection.

  2. Christian

    I love the “over it” look in everyone’s eyes. She rarely SELLS the clothes she’s wearing, a la Swinton or Roisin Murphy. This is a prime example.

    • Madonna Fan

      Do you spend your days trolling Gaga on Celebitchy and GoFugYourself?

      What a sad existence.

    • Gauthier

      I so totally agree. It’s never effortless. She managed to exhaust even my tolerance of her persona, and that’s saying something. The more I hear/see of her, the more I get the feeling that she’s incredibly conceited and really doesn’t give a damn about her “Little Monsters” contrary to all her preaching and peddling. I sincerely wish for her to just begone from the scene for a long, long time.

  3. Lindy

    Who’s the bald cutie in the first picture?

    • Emma

      I’m assuming he’s the Guy Who Holds Lady Gaga’s Hand When She’s About To Fall Over. If you want one, you have to wear vertiginous shoes and silly outfits.

      • Prolixity Julien

        But do I have to wear anything made out of meat? I have standards!

  4. Lynne

    Exactly what I was thinking Lindy. He’s dishy. Says something about him that he can pull my attention away from Lady Lookatme.

  5. Aurora

    Is that a special one-off Louis Vuitton reticule she is carrying?

    Also, it has become tiresome to see her always self-hobbled and needy of manly forearms to bear her weight. What is that all about?

  6. qwertygirl

    I remember when they were doing some publicity for Love Ranch, and you featured pictures of Bai Ling standing next to Helen Mirren, and thinking, “Please please please please don’t let this mean we’ll have to see more of Bia Ling presenting herself as a ‘serious actor’ because I don’t know if I could take the world looking at a woman wearing a tube top and a skirt made out of dryer sheets and thinking what a really great artist she is.” Fortunately, this seems not to have happened, but it makes me wonder where our dear friend Phoebe Price is because when I think of Bai Ling, I also think of Pheobe Price because they are cut from the same (very small, strangely patterned) cloth.

    • yeahandalso

      Bai Ling actually is a pretty good actress, just not generally in English language films. To be honest, I feel the same way about Penelope Cruz, I think she’s a borderline bad actress when she’s speaking English but when she’s speaking Spanish she is AMAZING.

  7. Jlove

    For a while on HBO “After Dark” there was a reality show that followed the happenings at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch brother in Vegas. So yeah that did happen lol

  8. amys

    Woody Harrelson looks great!

  9. mary lou bethune

    I love the way she has the look on her face that suggests ennui , but also,”darling, what one does for one’s art” . When did the performance artists become characters from Evelyn Waugh novels. bored but gluttonous for attention and sensations but filled with acedie?
    But I think she is amazing, even so..

    • Edith

      I have so much love for this ^^ comment! (And I think she’s amazing, too.)

  10. Caroleena Stantonova

    Welllllll, at least she can walk on her own now, without having to hold (vice-grip) the arm of one of her bodyguards.

  11. The Fugger

    Please. HBC would never wear owl feathers as a hat (and, as we all know, HBC has basically been in costume as Bellatrix Lestrange since 2005).

    She’d wear them as a bustier. (CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG.)

    • Helen

      Seconding the HBC feather bustier.

      Whenever another photo like any of these pops up, I wonder, what does Stefani Germanotta wear when she’s at home and not going anywhere that day?

      But now I’m a little more curious what Bonham Carter might wear when she‘s at home and not going anywhere that day.

  12. Rose

    Lady Gaga is always Lady Gaga. I hope you’ll do some posts on less common celebrity appearances – like Kristin Scott Thomas at the Venice Film Festival.

  13. Edith

    That hat is the Gertrude McFuzz of habardashery, and her shoes just make me tired, but I do like her hair this color, I have to say.

    • Helen

      I didn’t even notice the hair! And I agree, that rich brown is pretty, and very flattering on her.

  14. Jules

    If she didn’t wear these kind of outfits, nobody would.
    I think that would be kinda sad.

  15. Sajorina

    ♪Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, my FUGGER face…♪

  16. amy

    At least her nips are covered, for once!

  17. Siobhán

    She looks like Daphne Guiness in the last shot. You NEVER want to look like Daphne Guiness. Or Lady Gaga on a regular Wednesday.

  18. Heather

    Omigod, I love that movie! Mostly because Helen Mirren as a brothel madam is totally believable. Also, if I remember correctly, she gets it on with a hot dude.

  19. Susan

    I, too, have seen Love Ranch. Helen was great, Scout TC was fine, but, why, why was there a need to make the movie.

  20. Cora

    Yes, but at least the peacock is on her head and not COMING OUT HER VA-JAY-JAY

  21. Dazie

    Wait- CUSTOMS? She wore this to TRAVEL?

    Well, at least it ain’t flip flops and sweats with “juicy” on the butt.

  22. Amy

    I don’t… I don’t get why she couldn’t take the hat off to get in the car? That is the LEAST graceful car entrance ever.

  23. Aria

    I am seriously so over Gaga . I just wish somebody would snap a photo of her in Levis, a white shirt and flip-flops…now that would be shocking! This is just another “Gaga looks crazy again”… yawn.

    And actually there was some sort of “reality” show or documentary on HBO about the Bunny Ranch Brothel in Nevada a few years ago. Not sure exactly how long it was on or anything b/c I didn’t have HBO then, but my ex-bf’s brother seem to watch it a lot…think it was just basically a bunch of naked chicks under the guise of a “documentary.”

  24. ceecee

    When she first became a “thing” she looked like she was having fun and enjoying being outrageous. Now she just looks grim and bored and tired. And how much do you have to hate your natural shape to contort and distort it so much all the time?

  25. vandalfan

    Helen Mirren AND Joe Pesci in the same (dreadful sounding) movie? So, they must owe big gambling debts to the Mob, or what?