Fug.Lo, a.k.a. Jenny From The Blahk

“Hola, lovers.

“Look at him. He doesn’t even know. Ay, well, he REALLY does not know that the light on his pantalones changed their color and makes it look like he borrowed his math teacher’s shins, but MOSTLY, he does not know that this Obama event we are at? It is my destiny, lovers. Can you imagine? La Lopez as your First Lady? Si, I know, he is married to the lady whose shoulders America loves, but: Did she ever have a show? Was she a judge on Michelle Idol? Did she wear catsuits made of glitter and air while singing about tongues and floors and things? No. And once el presidente sees me in this dress that is ripping off my body, he will say, ‘Ay, Jennifer, you are the dream that I woke up from last night and then cried a little because I thought your thigh could not be real,’ and I would say, ‘Oh, it is real, and by the way, I have a lifetime supply of free razors,’ and he will swoon. And lovers, psst, but I could arm-wrestle his esposa under a table. And once she was under that table I would handcuff her to it and then forge her signature on some divorce papers and then become First Lady and then BOOM I run for president. And then I hire my old Marc as my Secretary of State and Defense Things because you know who terrorists do not want to cross? Vampires. And then just to make sure he knows I am LA PRESIDENTE of his UNIVERSE I will send him a copy of Secretary, which is the one where Maggie Thingenhaal gets hired by a very bossy racehorse. Anyway, lovers, wish me luck! If it does not work, at least I won’t have to move to a house that is teeny tiny compared to my mansion, so do not cry. Well, not for ME. Cry for HIM. He will be sad not to know first-hand how I can rock a floor. Besos!”

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

Leave a reply

Comments (32):

  1. Art Eclectic

    Hola, Chica. Please go up a size. Also, give my regards to your waxer.

  2. Annalynn

    La Lopez’s legs also change color around the kneecap, so maybe this is a lighting thing making his legs and her legs look different colors? Or else its the latest in partner-matching attire, changing your skin color to match his pant legs.

  3. Stefanie

    Surely it’s a light issue since it’s happening to both of them.

  4. amys

    Headlights from a car perhaps?

  5. gail

    Viva la revolucion!

  6. Dazie

    I kind of prefer to think it wasn’t a lighting thing, because if, indeed, the suit is ALL silvery grey, then why is he wearing brown shoes??

  7. deliane

    .. just had to type in a THANK YOU. yes, I have a fondness for this site, check in to check out the outfits and fun, bla bla bla.. but it’s only when the latest “Hola Lovers” entry posts that I remember
    1) not to take the hilarity of this site for granted, hence the thank you
    2) how ridiculously, inexplicably satisfying a huge belly laugh poking fun at .. can be (.. is a millionaire and completely unharmed by the antics, so the fun is allowed, right?)

    you gals are amazing

    • Laucie

      I’m Laucie Commenter and I approve this message, big time !

    • mary lou bethune

      As long as we don’t say someone is fat, it’s okay, I think. Jennifer is definitely not fat; she is gorgeous but has taste that , to me, conflicts with her beauty… in clothes, in men, but she did seem sweet on Idol…

  8. Jacquelyn

    J.lo looks beautiful as always. But, was she really at an event with the President and First Lady? With that slit? Perhaps a little decorum would have been appropriate.

  9. GFY Heather

    He may not have been there; it was a fundraiser. But I imagined her assuming he would be there, because in her mind how could he RESIST.

  10. annie

    love this site and check it twice a day. first time commenting – the j.lo accent thing is getting old. it’s not appropriate at ALL for her…she’s from the bronx! i could understand if it were salma or penelope, but it just doesn’t make sense here.

    other than that, carry on being awesome!

    • Kate

      the accent is a reference to how she tried to rev up her career some years ago by playing up her Latin roots and began forcing an accent in a very affected manner.

      • Jessica

        Exactly — thanks!

      • Nora

        Thank you Kate (and Jessica) – I love the J Lo posts but like Annie I didn’t always understand the joke behind them. This makes so much more sense now. *Clouds lift and everything becomes so much more clear*

        By the way I love the post, I know that GFY usually avoids all things political (which I understand) but this is such a funny post – it is great break from the non-stop election coverage. Love it!

    • blizzybee

      Oh, but doesn’t the (imaginary) accent add to the glory of GFY’s J.Lo? Perhaps more delightful than a true to life Ms. Lopez, methinks. These posts are some of my favorites…I guess I’m a sucker for GFY J.Lo exactly as she is!!

      • Jacquelyn

        Yep, I love J.Lo and the Britney letters (y’all).

      • Lion

        I never heard JLo speaking, really! So for me – THIS is the way she speaks. And I love it. Her dress is too tight. Her boy – can be forgiven anything, as he is sooo young.

  11. Audrey Jo

    All noticed and said, I feel so sad for her. Because she has a really sweet side, and she is gorgeous, so this stupid ill fitting dress and this stupid looking boyfriend (although should not be my concern) create a tacky aging picture. That one we all swear we won’t draw, no matter how the younger guy happens to fall on our lap, and how truly amazing that could be. And no matter how tempted we feel to buy the killer red dress just because we can zip it up when is a size smaller than we should get. Oh, dear.

    • Megan

      Yes, her boyfriend just makes me sad. He doesn’t even look like he’s terribly into her at all, but she’s like “Look at hiiiiim! He loves me!” I feel like it’s a one-sided relationship, and that’s always uncomfortable.

  12. Kara

    Yowza, that does not fit. At all. And the poor fit makes it look really cheap.

    And I have a very funny mental image in my head of her trying seduce the President and him and the First Lady exchanging looks like “Girl, please.”

    • Edith

      Ha! Yes, THIS. The POTUS and FLOTUS are so clearly in love with one another, it’s hilarious to even imagine someone trying to interlope. Also, only (GFY)JLo would dream of beating Michelle at arm wrestling; Michelle Obama’s arms are what keep me going every time I have to do bicep curls.

      JLo, darling, go up a size in your dress and a generation in your lovah. Poor slack-jawed boy looks so very out of his depth!

  13. Vandalfan

    How nice of her to take her son out and let him stay up past his bedtime.

  14. Kate

    If ombre suits become a thing, I quit humanity.

  15. VanDee

    I think her dress is cute! Not so keen on her manbag though …

  16. Sajorina

    I love the color of the dress, but the dress is kind of blah! Love the clutch & shoes, though! The post is great, as always… ¡Vota por JLo para Presidenta de los Estados Unidos!

  17. Bambi Anne Dear

    Is JLo in this picture?

  18. katybugjd

    Whenever I see J.Lo now, I immediately think, “Hola, lovers.” You girls are the best, keep it up.

  19. Caroleena Stantonova

    I believe J.Lo has anudder bun in de oven.

  20. CopyChic

    They way they look is how I felt in the TJMaxx dressing room today, after accidentally picking out a S/P cardigan.