It’s a Good Fug/Hilariously Played, Karolina Kurkova


Martha, Martha, MARTHA.

If, and only if, this ballet you’re seeing is about the time Dorothy Zbornak took a South Beach spin class taught by Charo, then I accept you wearing gold lame dance pants. AND if this ballet you’re seeing is about the time Dorothy Zbornak took a South Beach spin class taught by Charo, and you didn’t send me tickets, I will NEVER do any scrapbooking ever again and what’s more A CRAFTING TABLE WILL NEVER ENTER THIS HOUSE. OH YES, YOU HEARD ME.

Just in case you were wondering whether the dress code for this event was Jazzerthighs:

The answer is emphatically no. Also, this is tremendous. She looks like a tree topper on steroids, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.

It’s really uninspiring when she slings the cape to one side and reveals the drippy mish-mash that looks kind of like a blood stain you’d see on a poster for a Lifetime movie about muuuuuurder. But just knowing that cape exists is going to get me through the rest of this Friday… so that I can start writing a ballet about the time Dorothy Zbornak took a South Beach spin class taught by Charo. Strap on your caftan and get the cheesecake out of the fridge, Fug Nation.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (36):

  1. pidget
    0

    Scroll-down startle-ment! WTH, Martha? For someone so finicky, it seems odd that she is allowing all that glitter/ fuzzybusiness to dribble down her shirt. Eep!

    But the conflation of Zbornak and Charo would be brilliant! Who would win THAT drinking contest?

  2. Lynne
    0

    How did that even happen, Martha? Someone talked you into that, clearly. Please have that person removed from your realm.

    The cape is insane. For some reason, I find it hilarious that the cape is covering an awful and completely boring dress.

  3. ajstanfield
    0

    Is it bad that even after seeing Martha dressed like that, all I can think is that I need a cape like that?

    • Orange Clouds
      0

      Why hasn’t anyone mentioned Little Red Riding Hood yet? “Super Little Red Riding Hood to the rescue!” (the name doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue though)

  4. Jules
    0

    I’m just wondering what the woman next to martha is wearing. I see japanese kanji…

  5. Deb
    0

    I think it might be time to sign Martha up for Stacy and Clinton’s help of What not to Wear…SMH HARD

  6. Romary
    0

    motherofgawd the benjamins this woman has and she looks like she is attending a “time” at the Elks Club in Stoneham MA. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with the Elks or Stoneham. Jaysis lady didn’t your prison time teach you anything? CK looks gorgeous, i like Anne H, sorry but DG must be off her meds with that neck contraption and yes she typically looks outrageous but this is beyond her pale.

  7. Eli
    0

    And Tim Gunn thought the dress on last week’s Project Runway was a homage to menstruation.

  8. Susan
    0

    Okay, so maybe Martha isn’t dressed well, but she looks (as do most of the attendees) like they’re super excited to be there, which counts for a lot. Also, soon she’ll be the doddering crazy awesome grandma (In fact, isn’t she already?), so bring on the lame capris…as long as there’s a pool boy and an umbrella drink, I’m all for it.

  9. Jennifer
    0

    A lot of celebs are letting their kids dress them now. This looks like something along those lines (grandkids?) except those kids have regular kid taste.

  10. witjunkie
    0

    That’s such an odd choice for Martha. I mean, I don’t begrudge her sparkly leggings, and if I look half as good as she does IN HER SEVENTIES I might be wearing them too – but you’d think she’d know this isn’t the venue. Weird.

  11. Eliza Bennett
    0

    Isn’t Karolina’s cape just like SJP’s Satan Cape from last year’s met ball or something? SJP did it better.

  12. TonyG
    0

    Dorothy (offering to share with Rose): Cheesecake?

    Rose: Let’s taste it and find out!

  13. Ruth
    0

    The main problem with the red dress is the sheer bottom part of the dress. Her knees just look strange. Why go sheer from the thigh down? It chops the dress when it could have fallen nicely to the ground.

    Martha’s sparklepants have rendered me speechless.

    • amys
      0

      Who lives in five mansions down by the sea? Martha Stewart Sparkle Pants…..

      • LibraryChick
        0

        Sewing and crafting so gloriously
        Martha Stewart Sparkle Pants

        So if chocolate fugging is just what you wish
        Then put down the sequins that aren’t from real fish

        Martha Stewart Sparkle Pants
        Martha Stewart Sparkle Pants
        Martha Stewart Sparkle Pants
        Martha Stewart Sparkle Pants

  14. Brooke
    0

    I think Martha’s outfit is just delightful. I feel like she is saying, “You know what bitches? I am 70, I have built an empire, been to prison, made a life of being uber-fashionable, and you know what? I can do whatever I want. And tonight, I feel like being comfy as all get-out instead of spanxing myself to hell-and-back. SO SUCK IT. I am wearing glittery workout pants and a demi-caftan.” She has the look of someone who can breathe easily, have fun and genuinely enjoy herself. More power to her.

  15. Lily1214
    0

    Oh gracious.

  16. Art Eclectic
    0

    Martha looks like she tripped and fell ONTO her crafting table and just decided to wear it out and see if anyone would notice.

  17. Anna Svahn
    0

    Martha, NO. Just NO. Ridiculous, really.

  18. anonymous, anonymous
    0

    The red cape dress is reminiscent of the nightmare world of The Handmaid’s Tale. Yay.

  19. Fifie
    0

    Good Lord, did Martha think it was a costume party? Did she make that outfit out of a leftover tablecloth? Is she carrying glittery napkins? Did someone from prison send it to her? Now that I think of it, Martha wore a terrible outfit to Nora Ephron’s memorial too. Maybe we shouldn’t assume that she knows how to dress even though she knows how to dress a table.

  20. McLisa
    0

    What gold lame pants?? I can’t get past the FACIAL BRONZER WITH MATCHING BLOUSE.

  21. boston61
    0

    Nice to see Martha isn’t too good to shop Home Shopping for her attire.

  22. ceecee
    0

    re: Martha
    Money can buy clothes but not taste.

  23. Elaine
    0

    I’m glad to see Martha wearing something besides khaki pants and a big shirt…but I think she should have gone with a caftan. A big bad caftan.

  24. Petrova Fossil
    0

    Martha has bought a ticket to Streepland

  25. Holly Hamilton
    0

    Martha is 71 years old! She can do whatever she wants and be just fine with me.

  26. Patrick
    0

    Martha everything about Martha looks absolutely amazing from the chin up. Can’t imagine what she was thinking with the stretch lame (?) capri pants. Wasn’t she supposed to be the ne plus ultra of good taste?

  27. Elbyem
    0

    Martha actually apologized for this look already! Saw her on tv last night, doing so.

  28. Shoeniverse
    0

    Was Martha having a Genie themed dress up night for grown ups then remembered she had to be here instead, midway into her costume?

    ❀ #www.shoeniverse.info

  29. lauren
    0

    I -kind of- thought Martha was photoshopped into that outfit. SO strange. Disclaimer: I wanted to believe she was photoshopped because I love her.
    Can we talk about how good she looks for 70 regardless of the craze-tastic outfit?

  30. miss bea heyvin
    0

    Good Lord…no 70 year old should ever be allowed to wear spandex…and certainly not sparkly spandex. Someone is off her meds.

  31. Monika
    0

    I don’t like her style :( Check this out, http://www.followimages.com If you like fashion, blogs and photography, this is a perfect place for you! See & Share your photos with everyone, make your own advertisement and get your own statistics :) I hope you will like it, thanks for your time :)