Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Maria Fugounos

Whoever told Maria Menounos that regular girls can wear maternity blouses as dresses is a terrible liar:

What's more, I suspect we are in serious danger of an under-buttock sighting here:

Continue reading Maria Fugounos.

Fugliette Fugis

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formal shorts

I kind of love Juliette Lewis.

I mean, yes. She's wearing tights under the world's snuggest pair of formal shorts and a shirt last seen on a particularly emo 19th century vampire, but she seems SO PLEASED about it. Plus, you know that if you stuck in an elevator with her, you'd have a good time. You'd probably emerge from the lift with a contract to sing back up in her band. And how could that possibly go wrong?

Fug Hills, 90210

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OH, BRENDA:

[Photo: Splash]

You seem to look totally hot on the cover of Radar, and then you had to go and ruin it all by showing up at the party dressed like Ozzy Osbourne with a fetish for sensible, neutral boots that unfortunately recall a sort of stream-lined, undercover Ugg in this particular scenario. Couldn't you have at least worn a sexy black stiletto of the I-Could-Kill-A-Man-With-This-Shoe variety? Have you forgotten the importance of WWBD (What Would Brenda Do)? Well, okay: in fairness, Brenda would now come over to me, scream at me that she nevers wants to see me again and them storm off to cry in her bedroom until Cindy Walsh wandered upstairs to say soothing things while wearing a crisp, sensible polo shirt, but you know what I mean.

Fug or Fab: Eva Longoria Parker

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MARIO LOPEZ: EVA LP! WHAT UP!

EVA LONGORIA-PARKER: Hey, Mario.

MARIO: Hey, I've got an awesome idea. Let's talk about ME.

EVA: Okay. What's new?

MARIO: Nothing.

EVA: Then why did you want to talk about yourself?

MARIO: To avoid talking about what you're wearing.

EVA: What's wrong with what I'm wearing?

MARIO: You've got GREAT LEGS.

EVA: That's...wrong?

MARIO: I'm just avoiding the question. Hey, did you know that the Tampa Bay Rays have a player named EVAN Longoria? Every time he --

EVA: Yeah. I KNOW. Trust me. But, seriously, I thought this dress was kind of cute.

MARIO: Tim Gunn would say it's a whooooole lotta look.

EVA: I don't know if I trust a dude who spent like fifteen years wearing tank tops and patterned Hammer pants on morning television to give me style advice, honestly. You, I mean. I would trust Tim Gunn.

MARIO: It also makes me think you might have a bun in the oven.

EVA: Seriously? You're going there?

MARIO: I do work for Extra now. So, how about an exclusive, old friend? Got cookies in your jar? Is there a tuna fish sandwich in your lunchbox? Have you got soup simmering in your Thermos? How many olives are in your martini?

EVA: THOSE AREN'T REAL EUPHEMISMS.

MARIO: But seriously.

EVA: I don't like you anymore.

poll by twiigs.com

Fug or Fab: Karina Smirnoff

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Okay, people. I have a lot on my mind right now: the election, the economy, how to most effectively encourage my hair to be thick and bouncy, etc etc. I don't have TIME to make the tough choices today. Like about Karina Smirnoff here:

Behold, the front:

Kinda...Dynasty. Kinda...maybe cool? And then, the back:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Karina Smirnoff.

Twifug

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KRISTIN STEWART: Um....

ROBERT PATTINSON: What?

KRISTIN: You look kinda...

ROBERT: What?

KRISTIN: Did you make it home last night?

ROBERT: Uh. Yeah. Of course. Sure, I did.

KRISTIN: Really? You made it home and got some sleep and took a shower, like we talked about?

ROBERT: Uh. I made it home, let's just leave it at that.

KRISTIN: I knew it. Damn it, Pattinson, the shower is the most important part of the equation!

ROBERT: You never told me THAT. Next time, I promise.

Fugalynne McCord

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90210

We've been sent this photograph a lot in the last few days, along with e-mails that say things like, "WTF?" and "Has she lost her mind?" and of course, "Brenda and Kelly would NEVER have worn this." That last point IS probably true.

But then my sense of justice won out, and God help me, I decided to do poor old Drunkface here a solid: AnnaLynne is in costume here for a performance with Treasure Island's "Sirens" show in Las Vegas. Therefore, rest comfortably, readers, because she has NOT (yet)(that we know of) lost her mind or turned into a Peldon, or decided to run out for Diet Coke dressed like Jabba the Hut's cleaning lady.

She MAY, however, be self-medicating with loincloths to dull the pain of her day job on 90210. But at least they are not loincloths of her own choosing. I mean, a girl can't very well gyrate with the swashbucklers on a big fake pirate ship wearing boyfriend jeans and a hoodie, unless perhaps she is in costume as plucky stowaway who sneaks above deck at night and secretly steers the ship off-course so that it lands somewhere with cheaper Happy Hours. But there are extremely low odds of sexy results with that, and it wouldn't get her very much attention -- and who can blame her for wanting a bit more of that? She's probably desperate to be in the press for something other than her accidentally hilarious day job, at which she does one of two things: "emotes" via tiny convulsions, or speed-talks through the clumsy scripts. The former is simply unfortunate, but the latter secretly might be a clever attempt to get through it faster; both combined, however, could be a potent and overdue nod to her hair twin, Jessie Spano, meaning we'll find out in two weeks that Drunkface's character is hooked on caffeine pills that have her so excited, so excited, SO SCARED. Seriously, that's how bad the show is -- I'm actually rooting for it to rip off Saved By The Bell. And fast.

A Quantum of Fugace

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Welcome, everyone, to today's historic Battle of the Relatively Unknown Brunette Bond Girls.

In the red corner, we have Olga Kurylenko, former model and current noted celluloid demi-nudist:

She comes out swinging with the full-frontal view, knocking you in the gut with its understated loveliness...

... then sucker-punches you in the gullet with an explosion of red ruffles that looks either like the symptom of a very rare and complex venereal disease, or as if her derriere has opened a flower shop that does weddings. If Ronald McDonald ever needs a toupe, I know where to send him.

And in the blue corner, we have Olga's opponent, Gemma "The Sassy St. Trinian's Strumpet" Arterton:

Continue reading A Quantum of Fugace.

LeeFug Sobieskfug

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We've all been here, right?

I can't count the number of times I've thrown on my leggings and an over-sized shirt to go run out into a wind tunnel. I did it three or four times this morning, in fact. I'll probably do it again this afternoon. EVERYONE's doing it. You should try it.

Kate and Fug: Unleashed

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In case you were wondering what to wear next time you have to promote BOTH a curling iron and a straightening iron:

I would not advise THIS.

7th Fugven

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basic (or unbasic) black

Ah, this takes me back:

Fondly do I recall those halcyon days when I longed for nothing more than a Gunne Sax dress to wear to my 6th grade dance! The dropped-waist! The puffy sleeves! The prim, unflattering length! What joy! What bliss! What...terribly misguided times.

Fug and Glory

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Man Fugs

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

"Wait. HOLD THE PHONE. You're telling me there IS no Ryan Cabrera biopic in the works? And I am not in a fight to the death with Johnny Depp for that part? And that Ryan Cabrera is younger than both of us so it doesn't make any sense anyway? SHIT. April Fool's Day was SEVEN MONTHS AGO. I am firing ALL of my people."

Fug or Fab: Rachel Weisz

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This is just one of those mornings where I'm staring and staring at a photo, and can't figure out what the heck I want to say about it -- so I procrastinate by thinking about whether I should have peanut-butter for lunch (yes); whether to watch last night's Gossip Girl or One Tree Hill first (a coin-flip will help); how the execrable Knight Rider actually makes last season's Bionic Woman look like a nuanced, adept hour of well-acted intrigue; whether I am getting a cold or just an allergy attack; and why Ian Ziering things he has so many better things to do than guest-star on the new 90210, because even though it's a steaming pile, it cannot be less exciting or credible than playing Testiclees in National Lampoon's The Legend of Awesomest Maximus alongside -- I kid you not -- Mr. Belding. I wish I had made that up. Actually, that's a very Steve Sanders sort of thing to do, so he's practically already back in character. COME ON, IAN. The CW's turdfest needs you.

All of which has left me with nothing but scattered thoughts and feelings about Rachel Weisz's dress here. Let's start with the front.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

I want to love this. Certainly she's got nice calves, and a great figure. But the fit of the front is so messy and rumpled that it looks like it's riding up in weird places, creating pooches and pouches where there are none. And Pooches and Pouches OUGHT to be an adorable children's book about a scrappy tiger cub and a kangaroo who defy the geographic and inter-species odds by becoming friends, going on awesome jungle adventures, and solving petty crimes, rather than a commentary on anyone's clothes. The effect makes the top, potentially interesting, appear instead to be wilting.

Here's a closer look:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Rachel Weisz.

To Fug For

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CASEY AFFLECK: You're kidding me. THIS guy? This guy right here? That's Joaquin Phoenix? No.

JOAQUIN PHOENIX: Why are you trying to hurt me, Casey?

CASEY: I just... SERIOUSLY? Are you sure you're not Vincent Gallo?

JOAQUIN: Well, now, I don't think THAT kind of talk is really necessary, Casey.

CASEY: Jack? Jack Black, is that you? You're looking svelte.

JOAQUIN: No, not Jack. You know, this happens a lot to me.

CASEY: A long-lost McConaughey who's named, like, Corn Nuts or something? Am I on Punk'd?

JOAQUIN: That show doesn't exist any more Casey. And now, neither does my self-confidence. I've written a poem about it. Here, let me read a bit...

CASEY: ... THIS GUY? Joaquin? Quick, am I drunk?

JOAQUIN: It goes, "There was a young man with a stained shirt // who didn't care whose feelings he hurt. // I took his bungee-cord belt // and asked how it felt // when I wrapped it around his stupid pointer-finger of judgment and then RIPPED IT OFF AND JAMMED IT IN HIS EAR, which wasn't much effort to exert."

CASEY: That's... so... Joaquin, um, dude, I meant to say you look awesome. You're a handsome devil.

JOAQUIN: Thanks, Casey. I'm so glad we could share. It's nice when people listen.

CASEY: Yes, that's... yes.

Sugar and Fug

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old for her age

Oh my god, you guys!

Mena Suvari is TOTALLY going to land that Diane Sawyer biopic! And while it's a testament to Diane Sawyer's magical, powerful genetics that, at 60-something, she looks amazing and barely 40, it is NOT a testament to Mena Suvari's stylist that, at 20-something, she looks like she just fell out of an ad for Chicos' new line of evening trenches.

Maria Fugounos

Fugliette Fugis

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Fug Hills, 90210

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Fug or Fab: Eva Longoria Parker

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Fug or Fab: Karina Smirnoff

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Twifug

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Fugalynne McCord

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A Quantum of Fugace

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LeeFug Sobieskfug

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Kate and Fug: Unleashed

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7th Fugven

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Fug and Glory

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Fug or Fab: Rachel Weisz

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To Fug For

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Sugar and Fug

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