I Do Not Fug Up

Kelly Clarkson, you KNOW how much I love you. A LOT.

So you know I am saying this as your friend — your friend who has never met you, but feels great fondness for you and always wants you to be happy and successful in whatever you do: GIRL WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR PANTS? YOU HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. I KNOW YOU DON’T WANT A STYLIST BUT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE A TAILOR. Mine is lovely. I would be happy to recommend his services. He’ll fix those pants for you for $15. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I’M SCARED YOU’RE GOING TO TRIP ON YOUR HEM AND FACEPLANT AND THEN WHERE WILL WE ALL BE?

Ahem. Sorry about the shouting. But…for serious, Kelly. I JUST DON’T WANT YOU TO FACEPLANT. I CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH. 

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