Hitchfug


Somewhere on the Astral Plane, Bea Arthur is wondering who stole her formal pantsuit.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (57):

  1. The Reset
    0

    I didn’t even recognize her at first. Those bangs are just horrifying, not to mention the rest of her.

    • Ailatan
      0

      Bangs are way too much. From afar I thought it was Rashida Jones.
      I know she’s a respectable married lady, but she shouldn’t dress like the wife of Governor at a fancy fundraiser for 5-legged dogs.

    • Stefanie
      0

      Yeah, I had no idea who this lady was.

      • Nancy
        0

        I think she bonked her head and now thinks she is one of the Olsen twins.

  2. glee
    0

    Is the tunic top transparent with strategically placed beading?

    • glee
      0

      I looked closer – the tunic is definitely sheer. This is what Liza wears. With a Z.

      Maybe Timberlike doesn’t want Biel to look sexy ever? Isn’t he allegedly the one who dresses her?

      • fritanga
        0

        Well, obviously Justin WANTS her to look like Dorothy Sbornak. Actually, I’d be tempted to impose a great personality on her, too. Unfortunately, it;’s not taking here.

  3. pidget
    0

    This is not the garb of a happy newlywed. Also – whither the waist? Biel’s got a lovely womanly bod, and this shapeless tunic turns her into a sparkly popsicle. But at least she can sit however and eat whatever she wants…

  4. Eliza Bennett
    0

    Dang, son. Fug Madness 2013 just got a strong seed. She’s had one outfit this year that I liked. The rest have been sad, moldy Miss Havisham tunics.

  5. thunderthighs
    0

    So sue me, I like this. I love a nice beaded schmatte and I like the oversize top over skinny pants. I think without the jacket she looks very polished.

    Hope she’s not just trying to match her matrimonial bling, though.

    • Karen G
      0

      I’m with thunderthighs. I like the tunic – very mod. Maybe pair it with white skinny jeans or silver leather skinny jeans, and I think it works. The coat and harem pants need to go though.

      • Jessica
        0

        With jeans, this would have been at least a Fug or Fab. You know how I feel about sparkle.

        • eva
          0

          When I saw it, I wondered when you would fug it :) and thought maybe I would like the top paired with maybe some tight leather pants or something that contrasted. Anyway, as pidget said, she has such a lovely figure, it seems a shame to hide it under that tunic. She could look so much better…

      • Julia
        0

        Give me a pair of black skinny jeans, and we’re good to go. And actually… I don’t think the bangs look that bad…

  6. TaraMisu
    0

    UGH. Those bangs need to go, is that outfit sheer and the shoes are horrible. I just do not get her appeal. At all.

  7. Siobhán
    0

    I’m pretty sure that both top and pants are entirely sheer in between the embroidery. Also, it looks really heavy and rigid, like an haute couture chain mail suit.

    Did she leave a little trail of beads and sequins?

  8. AliceBlue
    0

    She looks 50 years old.

    I’ll bet that top is really scratchy.

  9. amys
    0

    Heinous. Why?! Perhaps she needs to firmly insist that Justin STOP picking out her clothes.

  10. jerkygirl
    0

    I like a lot of the pieces separately from each other, but styling, styling, styling!!! And really those bangs need to GO. It’s unfortunate that they’re not clip-ons so she could just throw them away. She’s another “so pretty but fighting the hot with bad styling” who needs a get-a-grip friend with a mirror to show her the way. In other words, SHE NEEDS TO BECOME A MEMBER OF FUG NATION!!! Anyone know her email address so we can send her the url?

  11. Erin
    0

    Alright Jessica Biel, here are my notes:
    1) Stop with the bangs. Just stop. You have a lovely face, so start showing it off.
    2) Either lengthen that tunic into a dress and maybe cinch the waist a bit, or change out those horrid harem pants for some nice skinny black pants.
    3) Nice shoes.

  12. Art Eclectic
    0

    I like the outfit…on someone the right age. It would work on some younger if it had more of a waist or were more fitted in the tunic.

  13. Laura
    0

    Sorry, Jessica Biel, I still don’t care about you, and forget you exist until you pop up here. Maybe that’s why she’s so sparkly; to make sure we notice her.

  14. AimMc
    0

    And cue the pregnancy rumors in 5, 4, 3….

  15. ML
    0

    [singing] “… and then there’s FRAUD!”*

    *with apologies to the memory of Donny Hathaway

  16. Tamdog
    0

    Wait, what? WHAT is the point of having that figure if you’re just going to leave the house wearing THAT? Come on, Biel, do what the rest us can’t!

    • Megan
      0

      Yes, thank you! I wish I could be that skinny again; if I ever get to my goal weight, I definitely won’t be covering up in a sparkly potato sack. She doesn’t have to wear something that looks like it’s painted on, but there’s a whoooole lot of ground to cover between “five sizes too big and shapeless” and “so tight you can count every rib.”

  17. Vodka Gimlet
    0

    I love, love the tunic. With skinny black pants and a fabulous strappy shoe (the ones she has on are too matchy, matchy, but I could be convinced)? Perfection! I’m not going to comment on her bangs.

  18. Julia
    0

    I seriously had no idea it was even her until the second picture.

  19. Groceries
    0

    Maybe — just maybe — those pants are the wardrobe equivalent of an Epilady and are giving her smooth, silky legs while she attends a premiere. Twenty-First century Hitchcock.

  20. Kit
    0

    The tunic is fine. With a kicky little skirt and some strappy sandals or a pair of cigarette pants even better.

    But with those pants? Crazy. What the hell, Jessica, what the hell?

  21. kathotdog
    0

    This is way too sparkly to be Dorothy – this is totally Blanche.
    However, it could work with different plain pants and maybe a different shoe.

    • witjunkie
      0

      I agree, this is skewing more Blanche Devereaux for me. On the lanai with cheesecake, either way.

      • Derreck
        0

        Definitely from The Blanche Devereaux Collection. She would totally wear this on Blanche: The Miniseries.

  22. sds
    0

    why has no one called bump watch on this?

  23. Deborah Stultz
    0

    The earrings are super fab. The only thing about this that is.

  24. Katharine
    0

    I always wonder reading these posts — what the heck IS a lanai, anyway? Time to hit the Google.

    The bangs are a bit heavy and overlong, but oddly I am rather liking the face she’s giving here. She looks interesting and exotic, which are not words I’d usually apply to her, and I think the darker hair quite suits her.

    • Sajorina
      0

      “Lanai” is the Hawaiian word for a veranda or porch that is roofed with open sides, often fully furnished and used as an outside living room!

  25. Conchobara
    0

    That first pic made me think she’s rehearsing in her head, “Dame Jessica Biel… Dame Jessica.”

  26. Diana
    0

    She needed to pick one — the top, the pants or the shoes. But definitely not all 3 together. Not even 2.

    Each item is nice on its own, paired with something understated.

  27. kindakute
    0

    Poor thing doesn’t have a clue. Who leaves the house wanting to look menopausal?
    The bangs are killing me. Please stop with the bangs! It has at least helped me realize that I never, ever, ever want to have bangs ever again.

  28. Carolina Girl
    0

    The earrings are nice.

  29. Juanita
    0

    The coat is something I’d expect to see on an elderly (female!) Upper East Side philanthropist.

  30. anonymoose
    0

    Well, the makeup is good.

    The sadface she is making though? Not helping.

  31. amy
    0

    If the top were fitted and a little longer, if the pants were completely gone, if the shoes were black and killer cute, I think I’d like this. The coat and dress together make for a flattering neckline, and the makeup is the best I’ve seen on her. No love for the bangs.

    • Sajorina
      0

      Yes, taking off the pants out of the equation and making the top a mini-dress would’ve been killer and totally FAB!

  32. Sajorina
    0

    I actually like the outfit, but I would’ve expected Helen Mirren to wear it instead of Jessica Biel! I love silver, shiny & sparkly, but this is to old for her! I don’t know what La Mirren wore, but maybe they should’ve switched outfits! By the way, I am so watching this movie!

  33. Olivia
    0

    You know, I actually like the pants, but with a different top, obviously. And better hair.

  34. Helen
    0

    The sad part, for me, is that I did know who it was at first glance. That’s how long she’s been looking this bad – and sad. This poor, beautiful girl, forced (whether by some madness of her own, or her stupid husband, I don’t care which) to cover up her lovely figure and face, is clearly miserable, and no wonder.

    It’s really a very attractive outfit, for someone over 60.

  35. BrownEyedBetty
    0

    The only good thing I can say is that her make-up works. In some angles, it work a little too well; she looks a bit like a mannequin.

  36. Sonya
    0

    I wish she would give up on the bangs, at least the blunt-cut ones she is sporting. Doesn’t she realize how cute she was on the cover of People in her wedding dress when they were side-swept bangs?! So much better. Also, this outfit is horrible and way too old. She looks like an OLD married woman.

  37. Elle
    0

    Sure, it’s Oscar de la Renta and costs more than my monthly salary. But they’re still just bedazzled pajamas.

  38. Billie
    0

    I unabashedly love this outfit, but she doesn’t have the gravitas to wear it successfully. She just isn’t a fashionista, at all. Get rid of the bangs, and put on a pretty cocktail dress, Biel.

  39. Nancy
    0

    Every time I see her I get sad. I just don’t understand her style philosophy. And with her many assets, it’s just a pity.

  40. Tamburlaine
    0

    I was not liking this until the third photo, when I changed my mind. It’s all nicely proportioned (though I agree the tunic would have been better with skinny black trousers). I hate the shoes – her toes are falling out of the sides, and that is not a good look. She makes it work when she smiles, though.

    Sigh. I was watching ‘Stealth’ the other night and had until then forgotten what a fabulous figure she has. I mean, gorgeous is not the word.

  41. Esme
    0

    Ah ha ha ha ha! I can’t . . ha ha ha!!

  42. Lily1214
    0

    Too old looking. The black duster came right off the rack at Goodwill. I saw it there.