Guess the Fugger


Wow. God bless the Total Recall premiere, because other than that, it is thin on the ground out there, folks. Everyone, much like us, appears to be holed up inside watching water polo and judo and women’s soccer by day, and then spending the night with Bob Costas and a bottle of wine and some naked man abs. Clearly, I cannot blame them. But it means we have to dig a little deeper here at GFY. So let’s try and make it interesting, at least, and see if you can figure out who’s wearing this.

Truly, this is a beautiful and timeless garment — a collector’s item, a gallery piece. Observe the high-quality denim, genuine square-shaped interior pockets, and exemplary structural integrity of this remarkable piece of denim. The ratio of fabric to skin is in the covetable 60-40 zone, the zipper is covering up the labial zone with an almost-perfect success rate, and each worn strand of fabric is soft as the hair of an electrocuted angel. We may never see its equal.

And of course, the owner is one Lindsay Lohan, wearing their sacred dereliction like the badge of honor. Elizabeth Taylor would be so proud, don’t you think? It’s JUST the sort of thing our Liz loved to wear. I’m sure she came to Lindsay in a dream: “These have always brought me luck,” she doubtless said through a gauzy filter, chucking these denim strands onto Dream Lohan’s poker table and then disappearing in a cloud of jasmine and wealth.

[Photos: Splash]

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Comments (66):

  1. Linda
    0

    Called it. For some reason I recognized her legs. The freckles and track mark bruises are a dead giveaway.

    • Karen
      0

      Exactly! I looked at those unhealthy, unhealthy legs and thought to myself, “Who else but LiLo would let herself come to such a pass?”

      • mary lou bethune
        0

        Please someone, tell me she was wearing panties….??? Awful

      • Clarence Beeks
        0

        freckly, mushy pasty legs in a gross pair of shorts. I knew exactly who it was. She is so disgusting.

        • Edith
          0

          I recognized her knees. Clearly, I got too obsessive during the last Fug Madness. I cannot believe I actually can RECOGNIZE LINDSEY LOHAN’S KNEES. Of course, the horridness of the shorts narrowed down the possibilities pretty severely (these are clearly not Emma Stone’s knees, because her knees would NEVER wear that), but still. I’m depressed now.

      • Alex
        0

        I thought comments about bodies weren’t allowed on GFY?

        Body comments are suddenly allowed for some celebrities, as long as we all universally find them to be an acceptable punching bag?

    • Kathryn
      0

      The freckled thighs clued me in straight away too. And then I thought “What is happening with my life that I can recognize Lindsay Lohan just from seeing her thighs.”

  2. Katty McNiley Ripley
    0

    I was thinking it was Miley!

    • Katie
      0

      That’s where my money was as well. Though Lindsay makes so much more sense, in a way.

      • kb
        0

        I thought it might have been Miley, too, but then I realized the legs were too pale and freckled..and then, immediately…LiLo.

    • Kara
      0

      Me too!

    • Jamie
      0

      I thought it was Miley, too, until I saw the freckles. Plus Miley’s been looking TONED lately, and what you see in this picture is probably the most cardio Lilo’s done in months.

      • Alex
        0

        More body comments.
        GFY, what the…?

        • LibraryChick
          0

          I don’t know. The problem is that freckles were a large part of recognition, and it’s so easy to go from there to other body aspects. As fashion, I don’t like the shorts on anyone, famous or otherwise, but it’s too bad this turned into a “let’s bash pale freckled legs” session.

    • steen
      0

      Me too, and somehow it’s sadder that there are at minimum two potential candidates for this “garment.”

    • Andrew S.
      0

      I was thinking Miley too XDD

    • Natalie
      0

      yeah i thought miley or vanessa hudgens

  3. CreLa
    0

    Hahah of course. Stay classy Lindsay.

  4. daphne
    0

    awwww… that was too easy.

  5. Chris
    0

    My first thought was Miley and then right before I clicked to the jump I thought no, that is Lindsay Lohan. Awful, just awful!

  6. Laura
    0

    I don’t even care about Lohan’s awful, cat-clawed shorts, so much as just wanted to say that the comment about how everyone is “spending the night with Bob Costas and a bottle of wine and some naked man abs” cracked me up. SO TRUE.

    • Eliza Bennett
      0

      It’s actually tequila for me, but YES. Bull true. I don’t know how we’ll survive when swimming ends.

      • Jen S 2.0
        0

        Word to the infinite power. Although NBC’s coverage BLOWS CHUNKS, I still would like to thank the IOC for all of the male gorgeousness that has paraded across my TV screen this week. **fanning self**

        • Kat
          0

          Amen to all of the above!

        • Eliza Bennett
          0

          It would only be better if I could watch the tennis matches too. Janko Tipsarevic (probably not playing in the Olys) is a representative sample of tennis heat. Horia Tecau (sp?) from Romania too.

      • Erica
        0

        Or diving. (Or did it already end?) Naked man abs!

        • Dazie
          0

          Naked man abs WITH HOT TATS. This is so the Olympics of the body art. I am rivited.

  7. Carrie
    0

    I was borderline convinced that it was Tara Reid. I mean, I am pretty sure I have seen her in this exact outfit, right?

    • CranAppleSnapple
      0

      Exact, exact. In that they share those pants like the Sisterhood.
      Sticky.

  8. Kit
    0

    Oh god, I assumed it was LeAnn Rimes. But of COURSE it was Blohan. Too bad LeAnn isn’t an actress like Blohna *cough*, ‘cuz then they could do some deliriously awful made-for-tv movie in which one of them cheats with the other one’s husband, and then spends the rest of the movie plotting her death while the other one swans around trying to “make it on her own” in some sordid way.

    • Jen S 2.0
      0

      Unfortunately, that’s already been done to perfection in the classic video for Reba McEntire and Linda Davis’s “Does He Love You.” Blohan and Rimes are no match.

  9. Olivia
    0

    I’m kind of depressed that I guessed correctly.

  10. Adrasteia
    0

    I knew it was her! I saw the picture and was all, “Those look like the legs of a Lohan… But not quite skeletal enough for Ali and not quite leathery enough for Dina.” Indeed, by process of elimination, we have a winner.

  11. Wendy
    0

    It was a pretty easy guess when the little Fug File line had the answer in it BEFORE the jump.

  12. yeahandalso
    0

    LOL those White Diamonds commercials always used to crack me up

  13. V
    0

    Yes, the shorts are atrocious. But I have another concern. She buys MUFE products, but her make up consistently looks terrible. Someone clearly needs to teach the girl how to use the products, ’cause that stuff makes everyone look amazing if applied correctly!

    • Heather
      0

      Or the Make Up For Ever people need to tell her to stop dragging them into this.

  14. babyB
    0

    no need to guess when the post is tagged with her name lol

    not surprised by the outfit, i mean come on, it’s Lindsay!

  15. Tami
    0

    Clearly this is Lohan. She better be careful, her lady(?)bits will pop out if she moves wrong.

  16. Heather
    0

    I loved those White Diamonds commercials :)

  17. nmlhats
    0

    1st guess Lohan…if not her, Miley or Vanessa. There aren’t too many of them who’d go out in public wearing that…I wouldn’t wear that crap even in private.

  18. Elle
    0

    THE SKANK STINK WAFTED OFF THE PAGE AND WE’RE NOT TALKING “WHITE DIAMONDS”

  19. horsefeathery
    0

    the freckles on the pale, flabby legs gave it away — lohan

  20. maryse
    0

    she’s repulsive but there’s nothing wrong with her legs.

  21. Danielle Nicole
    0

    after seeing the full length (but before seeing the name), I would have sworn that was Fergie Ferg

  22. Holly Hamilton
    0

    Sadly, she probably paid a bundle for these.

  23. Sally
    0

    What scare me is that I looked at the shorts and said “LOHAN!” then looked at the full photo and said “JOLIE?!?!?”

  24. May
    0

    The shorts are terrible, sure, but how AWESOME is the studded collar on her shirt?! Silver lining, people.

  25. SKGD
    0

    The freckles did give her away! Now back to the Olympics and let’s hope there is still some men’s diving to watch. Reruns will do.

  26. Emma
    0

    Shock. Surprise.

  27. sarah
    0

    I don’t think she can be called a starlet anymore, can she?

  28. English Girl
    0

    I too guessed it was The Lohan. However, for a fleeting moment I thought, surely not, even she wouldn’t wear something this bad? But, yup. She would.

  29. Sajorina
    0

    I KNEW IT! I recognized Lindsay’s legs & bad taste immediately! I’m not surprised, but I am horrified! She definitely stole that outfit from a ghetto hoochie mama at a laundromat!

  30. Leah
    0

    This is a post of astonishing genius. Bravo.

  31. Akit
    0

    Leah said what I’m thinking. Jokes man!

  32. LBG
    0

    Oh, Lilo — you had me at the freckles

  33. vandalfan
    0

    I though it was one of Disney’s interchangeable Vanessas. Hey, at least the pockets are not hanging out underneath the leg openings.

  34. Candyce
    0

    Am I the only one that thinks she looks a little like Ted Nugent here?

  35. sema4dogz
    0

    I very much fear you can see pubic area razor rash through the shreds. Admittedly you have to use the embiggenising tool to do so, but still ….

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  37. Sanne
    0

    The freckles and the shape of her legs gave it away for me. But seriously, what kind of store even sells these kind of… non-garments? It’s barely even underwear, with all those holes in it.