Sorry it took me so long to write to you about the GRAMMYS but I’ve been looking for my pants for like a week now and I never did find them so I’ve been walking around without them which I guess is okay now because there was this random girl at the show who looked like really really REALLY REALLY CRAZY and she definitely wasn’t wearing pants either, so now I don’t feel as embarrassed as I might have normally felt considering that I was in public wearing a dress made of fishnet and a leotard. SOME PEOPLE — Mom – seem to think I wore this outfit because I just wanted attention but you’d think she’d remember that whenever I want attention, I just take out a boa constrictor, or get married.

AND THEN when I was at the GRAMMYS people were all, OMG BRITNEY HAS BROWN HAIR AGAIN because I guess brown hair equals crazy for all y’all, but I don’t know why you’re all spazzing out because that other crazy girl with no pants was rolling around like COVERED IN FLOUR or soot or ashes or something and I think she did something to Elton John that’s not legal and everyone was all totally chill about THAT but I spend an afternoon with Miss Clairol and y’all FREAK OUT.

So, what I’m saying is: 1) I’m Britney Spears, b) I have no pants, !) it’s okay not to have any pants anymore which is good news because I lost mine 4) do cut-offs count? 5) there’s some crazy pantsless girl on the rampage all playing the piano dressed like an old timey aerobics instructor and all y’all seen to think that’s normal and f) brown hair is not bad.

I’m tired now.



PS: I am not engaged to my manageragentboyfriend, but I COULD BE if you think that might be interesting. Just drop me a note at