Well, I loved the hell out of this.

With the backdrop of the fire, and singing her duet with Eminem that I freaking love, this dramatic Dior was a serious win for me. I want to wear it, like, right now, even as I am watching the Today Show and eating a Clif Bar. Rihanna looked beautiful — a tremendously satisfying “I Can Top That” after Chris Brown’s SNL performance, I’m guessing — and frankly, I was just relieved to see her performing in something that wasn’t panties.

AND THEN THERE WERE PANTIES. On TV we thought her crotch was wearing an Evil Eye. Up close here, it looks like some kind of third-grade Thunderdome craft project, with a championship belt and a proscenium curtain for her groin made of Raggedy Ann’s hair. I am so sad for the Dior that it eventually gave birth to this — like watching that really nice family across the street discover that their kid is, like, a serial arsonist with a penchant for kicking over your trash can and TP’ing your car.