CHER: WELL WELL WELL. Look who’s here! I NEVER come to these things anymore. Did you forget about me? DID YOU FORGET THAT I’M AWESOME?
CHRISTINA: No, I remembered. But we’re making a movie together, as you so sarcastically noted when we presented that award, so I spend a lot of time with you.
CHER: Did you forget that I’m SNARKY sometimes? Didn’t you think, when I materialized, “Damn, I miss Cher!”
CHRISTINA: Well, I mean, like I just said, I see you every day, but I’m sure some bloggers out there in the world noted to each other that they’d really be happier if you left the house more often.
CHER: I CAN’T. These things are just full of GYPSIES, TRAMPS AND THIEVES! See what I did there? But it’s true: have you SEEN Mickey Rourke? HAHAHAHAHAH.
CHRISTINA: Can we focus, Cher?
CHER: FINE. You actually look freaking great.
CHRISTINA: I know! Look how cute my haircut looks. And my make-up! I’m ADORABLE. People missed me too. As for you…
CHER: I know. I look like a wicked dark goddess who had a fight with a shoelacer-maker who’s also a GIANT. Do you believe in life after looooooooooove?
CHRISTINA: That’s not EXACTLY what I was —
CHER: If I could turn back tiiiiiiiiiiioooooooome, maybe I would have worn something else.
CHRISTINA: I think you look pretty good, actually. But still, you know, CHER-Y. I mean, you are outrageous. This is actually pretty low key for you. You could have gone way crazier.
CHER: I know. I actually meant that if if I could turn back tiiiiiiioooooooommmmeeeee, I would wear a headdress with this.
CHRISTINA: Save it for the Oscars, Cher.