Golden Globes Post-Party Fug Carpet: Jennifer Lopez

“It’s MEEEE, loverrrrrs.”

“I just had to tell you! Look for me to accept a major award next year after I star in the emotional movie Beige Swan! I’m a PERFECTIONIST — the white swan! But I am DANGER and LUST and EROTICA — the black swan! Why settle for one when you can have todos! Ay, though, it will be a short movie. ‘Hola, Jennifer, I need a flesh-colored swan who is everything to all people,’ and then, ‘Ay, dios mio, Jennifer, YOU ARE MY BEIGE SWAN,’ and then poof, the movie is over and nobody got crazy. Maybe it will win for short-form documentary. And then I will be Jennifer Lopez, actress-singer-actress-designer-singer-mogul-talentfinder-swanperson-documentarian! HOW MANY HYPHENS DO YOU HAVE, BLOATFLECK? I THOUGHT SO.”

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Comments (36):

  1. Willow

    the jellyfish-poncho had an affair with an ostrich.

  2. Rayna

    As usual, GFY Heather, the post is HISSsterical!!!

    Jenny, I supported your NOT bridal white dress with sparkly poncho, because it worked, in a way that this does not, despite the pretty color, shoes, clutch, feathers, etc.

    Sorry. Miss.

  3. Another Jill

    1. These J.Lo posts always crack me up. They’re just so exactly what she sounds like in my head.
    2. Like the white gown this might have been a yes without the part that reminds me of cutting a hole in a trash bag to stay dry at a ballgame.

  4. Megan

    she looks like a f-ing ostrich.

  5. Another Jill

    P.S. I want her hair and skin.
    P.P.S. And legs.

  6. Adriana

    Was there a sale on sheer tops and spaghetti strap layering pieces?

  7. TD

    This looks like Leona Lewis

  8. Fuh Ugh

    This was possibly the worst dress of the evening – and that’s saying something! And it’s even more hilarious that this was her SECOND filmy overlay of the evening. This dress is right up there with Lara Flynn Boyle’s ballet dress in my book. Wow. JLo – WTF???

  9. Sally

    Dangerously close to Bjork”s swan dress.

  10. Edith

    It’s an illusion-netting PONCHO, and that’s unforgivable. She got a PONCHO made of nude L’Eggs Sheer Energy pantyhose. WHY? And why is she dressing like a seven-year-old (or rather, like a seven-year-old who had J.Lo’s money)?

  11. Carolina Girl

    Was she this orange in the white dress? It looks like she ran out and got a touch up on her spray tan between the show and the party. She looks like the bastard love child of Leona Lewis and Kim Kardashian.

  12. Shnaggi

    Time for the Tanning Intervention to start even if her legs look Incredible and that is the perfect hue of Beige for her. I’m torn on the one hand the feathers are over the top but if she can’t wear a short skirt who can?
    Mammasita Linda

  13. ac

    This is awesome! This is J-Lo to the 98th power. I don’t think anybody on Planet Hollywood or beyond could actually consider this dress and actually wear it with a straight face. But this is what makes Jennifer Lopez so very special. For that, I applaud her.
    Her hair and makeup though, as they are most of the time are flawless!

  14. anonymoose

    are you f*****g kidding me? a grown woman went out in public wearing this?!?
    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! joke’s on her! WOO! looks like some kind of Mother Of The Bride On Ice outfit, and not the best one either. man, sure does make me love Bjork more than i already do! all that tanning musta fried Lolo’s brain along with her weirdly brown skin. is this her attempt at a sense of humor?

  15. Cecily

    She seriously needs to give it the fug up already. That is a huge feather duster attached to a camisole. And she drives me a little nuts with her poses and sullllllltry eyes. I guess if she went away, though, we wouldn’t have Heather’s hilarious dios mio posts, so keep bringin’ it, Jenny. P.S. Ricky Gervais was truly mean that night, but I did like the “Jenny on the block of Rodeo Boulevard” slag, it made me laff.

  16. daiyami

    I defended the white one, but not this one. But a question—is the deliberate linkage between the two good or bad? She clearly went with ponchos (maybe same designer?); does that make sense if doing a same-night change, to stay in a similar style with a totally different tenor? or does it just suggest lack of imagination?

  17. Elin

    Honestly, I like this! It has the J.Lo drama, but is still figure-flattering, probs. more IRL.

  18. Ella Dyer

    Looks like some would benefit from a virtual closet via:

  19. gryt

    She is never boring! Or, rather, she never dresses boringly!

  20. Zuzzie

    Oh I’d so wear this. To the office, ha!

  21. vandalfan

    If only she had a long cigarette holder and go-go boots, she’d be the image of Phyllis Diller circa 1966.

  22. Bella

    I’m convinced she has some sort of rash on her chest that needed covering up. Two sheer ponchos in one night are just bonkers.

  23. TKW

    I am thinking similarly: I suspect she had brachioplasty, aka “batwing surgery,” and needs to cover up. It’s otherwise too big a coincidence to wear two disastrous sheer situations in one night.

  24. mepe

    All of these sheer ponchos have me concerned. She is definitely hiding something…it’s just not like her to cover up.

  25. a...

    Holy shit, this post was brilliant. Also, i will call her: Poncharella.

  26. Kate

    I’m sorry, something about J.Lo (and I’m not sure I even really like her that much) allows her to wear these sorts of things and me not shriek with scorn like I normally would. I just think, wow, she’s rocking the crazy, again. A lot of the stuff she wears actually is quite great on its own, but she wears some crazy stuff that just works.

    This just feels so J.Lo to me that I can’t fug it – I think she’s owning it in her own “I know I’m a diva, so what? You have something to say about how I’m rocking this? Could YOU rock this? Yeah, I thought not.” kind of way.

    It’s crazy, I would never wear it, I would fug it on most others, and it’s not anywhere near what I would call “high fashion,” but, on her, I can’t fug it completely. Strange…

    (Hopefully it’s just this shot, but even for her she’s a touch too orange in this pic.)

  27. anonymoose

    vandalfan: YEAH!

  28. Chloe O'Brien

    The color looks nice w/her skin tone but I can’t get past the fug makeup job. J. Lo, step AWAY from the white eyeshadow!

  29. exquisite red

    Kate a few comments up read my mind. I backed the sparkly poncho, and I’ll back the feathery one too. It’s almost like she thought, “Yeah, I’m wearing ANOTHER poncho. And this one’s crazy in a different way. See if I care what you think! I am WORKING THIS like only I can, and don’t you forget it.”

    I love your “Secretly Awesome” tag, because this is. FUG on anyone else, FAB on J.Lo. Besos!

  30. sam mac

    For all the Aussie reader: the likeness to Ossie Ostrich from Hey Hey is uncanny, non?

  31. Kelly Kerruish

    I covet her shoes though….x

  32. sem

    jenny from the block bought herself a pair of new boobies, those definitely aren’t the originals….

  33. ChaChaheels

    If I ever meet JLo, and she doesn’t talk like these posts, I will be so completely disappointed in all of humanity. I hope she lives up to them. “How many hyphens do you have, Bloatfleck?” Indeed.

  34. Bambi Anne Dear

    It’s stupid but I love it. Especially if she talks like the Fug Girls’ dialogue while wearing it.

  35. crazy cat lady

    Well, this can only mean one thing: JLo IS Oksana Baiul in Lifetime Movie Network’s original presentation of “Not without my Gold Medal: Suck on it, Nancy Kerrigan”

  36. Anna

    have you seen this wonderfull picture of senora lopez conquering her inner dominatrix?