Golden Globes Fug or Fab Carpet: Piper Perabo


We were nervous for Piper Perabo at the Big Dance — she seems apt to shooting herself in the foot a bit, stylistically —  so I think her black Oscar de la Renta was a good choice: It’s a clean, flattering cut, it has a tiny bit of oomph on the shoulder (the bow might be overly cutesy if there were anything else at all to the dress, but there isn’t, so it halfway works for me), and most of all it’s a safe pick that’s unlikely to land her on a worst-dressed list. That was probably its primary objective. It’s like sartorial training wheels. I’m not bowled over, but I do get to heave a sigh of relief — especially because she seemed so cute and charming in her interview with Ryan Seacrest, which is not at ALL how she usually comes off in stills.

Truly: I have issues with either a) the person in her life who told her she shouldn’t smile on the red carpet very often, if at all, and that when she does it should look like she’s ACTING!!; and/or b) the person who has not yet told her, “Honey, you have SUCH A PRETTY NATURAL SMILE. USE IT.” Take a tour through the slideshow to see the various faces she deployed and see if a grin isn’t the nicest one of all.

Well, great. Now I’m not just my mother, I’m my GRANDMOTHER. And while she was an awesome lady, she also had sixty-six years on me. Oh well. It happens to us all someday.

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Comments (38):

  1. Jenny

    My God, look at those teeth!
    She IS really pretty.

  2. Best of Beehive

    I think the bow is okay, but only because it’s the lone adornment.

  3. Mary

    I’m not really sold on the dress, but I do suspect I understand the eye thing: as a fellow squinty-smiler, trust me, once you’ve seen your eyes smooshed closed / to near invisibility from every pic from childhood on, you start being a lot more careful about full smiles around cameras

  4. Eimear

    I know this is a bit off-topic but I just can’t shake the thought she’d look so much better with black hair..much more dramatic and…actressy.

  5. granny

    Do you mean that hideous forced grimace with all the teeth?

  6. Rayna

    I like the dress well enough. I’d like it LOTS better if the bow were a skooch smaller. Really.

  7. Bella

    The dress is fine, but what is with the vapid facial expressions?

  8. Pinkie Bling

    Her expressions are truly dreadful in all but the last shot. I think she has a beautiful smile, but I also secretly want to slip her a Crest Whitestrip.

  9. Joni Woodhead

    the smile is of course bright and beautiful and the best one …. but if shes afraid it shows too much teeth or squishes her eyes ( which mine does and no I dont smile for pictures either ), she should stick with the “playful-sultry” as her natural base face … it at least looks like shes pleased youre there as opposed to stabby like some of the others

  10. Joni Woodhead

    oh … and her lipstick color is super pretty

  11. Nina

    Blah. It’s boring and she looks bored in it.

  12. Stefanie

    I hate the dress. It makes her look quite bottom heavy.

    Am I the only one seeing Brittany Murphy a bit? RIP Tai.

  13. Willow

    the dress looks so heavy, it makes me tired just looking at it.

  14. meg

    I love her in that show (um.. totally blanking on the name…) – it’s making me overlook that I hate her red carpet persona!

  15. Shnaggi

    Maybe she’s fishing for a makeup ad? Model type poses for lipstick and flawless cover? No gaffe on the red carpet but uninspiring,

  16. atz

    I would have liked to see more pictures of the dress instead of just her head. The one angle the dress is shown in kind of makes the bottom half look overly wide and heavy, compared to the top.

  17. wtfnyc

    Very large FEH here. I think the top of the dress looks like a boob-flattening swimsuit with a random bow on it. That’s flattENing, not flattERing. At all.

  18. Chasmosaur

    I thought the dress was a nice safe choice, but I really loved her hair and makeup. Or maybe the fact that she was just smiling. She has the most gorgeous mouth – why does she make the stupid duck face all the time?

  19. Rayna

    @Stefanie – You’re right! That is who P2 was reminding me of, and I didn’t realize it.

    RIP Tai indeed. Such a sweetie.

  20. Joyce

    She has Man Hands! But she looks pretty and the dress is nice.

  21. Sarachka

    Gross. I hate this neckline. Whatever name it has in fashion circles, it will always look like a swimsuit to me.

  22. Amanda Jane

    I know this is a bit off-topic but I just can’t shake the thought she’d look so much better with black hair..much more dramatic and…actressy shipping car.

  23. witjunkie

    I thought she looked very pretty and hair and makeup were excellent. The dress had some nice details, I thought. Yes safe, but if all anyone knew you as was Coyote Ugly, wouldn’t you want to come across as a little more grown-up and classy?

    On the facial expressions – My husband thinks she has one of those upper lips that is shaped in such a way that her relaxed mouth is naturally open. He also didn’t know it was Per-AH-bo.

  24. LynnK

    That’s what happens when your use too much Botox!

  25. Anne

    I like the dress, and she *does* look about a million percent better with the grin, but I can’t spend too much time on it because I am appalled by her terribly cut earrings. Why do people insist on wearing emerald cuts on their ears? They look like glass! Cheap glass with no life or brilliance, and if there is no life or brilliance, then what is the point of wearing a pair of half-a-million-dollar earrings.
    And if they actually are $50.00 CZs, then they are still a waste of fifty bucks.
    Lay down the extra $25.00 and get the round brilliants.

  26. vandalfan

    I like the dress, but would like to see it in navy, or wine. She needs to take off some of the heavy eye shadow and change the lipstick to coral or pink, and remember:

    you’re never fully dressed without a smile.

  27. filmcricket

    Thank you for that round of “Acting!” – a veritable trove of Joey Tribbiani-style tips. Awesome.

    Don’t care about the dress, but I’ll take the clutch to go, no need for gift-wrap.

  28. Loren

    I think the bow is the only thing I like about the dress and it bothers me that it is popping up at a weird angle in the back. I thought that the bodice made her look incredibly flat-chested and I’m all for an A cup but the cut is doing nothing for her upper half. In fact, I think it’s making her look hippy as a result. Blah.

  29. lc

    I agree, the dress makes her look flat-chested and I hate the dropwaist.

  30. Geemee

    The dress would’ve been better in red. Also, she should consider acrylics.

  31. Kathleen Trail

    Her open-mouthed-ness reminds me (apropos of nothing) of a guy I went to high school with named Lawrence Jossel – very good looking but mouth agape at all times, which is verified by the many Neanderthal-esque yearbook photos of him.

    Also completely off-topic, every time I see Piper’s name, I wonder what would happen if she had a lesbian marriage to Olympic skier and Chapstick covergirl Picabo Street. I can only hope Picabo would be secure enough in her womanhood to take Piper’s last name thereby providing endless entertainment for us all. Seriously, just say it out loud and I dare ya not to smile.

    Oh, and I think the dress is meh, a color would have been better, and her hair & makeup (in spite of slightly ecru teeth) are awesome, with the smile being her best accessory, regardless of ducky lips or squinty eyes. There, back on topic….

  32. Caro

    Just stick a vacancy sign on her.

  33. k

    I watched her make that stupid blank, open-mouthed face over and over while posing on the red carpet, which totally made me think of you guys and your earlier comments!

  34. babyface

    she gets an A for entertaining pictures.

    The dress gets a D—it looks heavy (enhances her bottom half in a bad way) as others have mentioned, but the material is also strange. From the waist up it looks like she has a swimsuit on…and then tied a black tarp around her waist for a cover up. besides, plain black dresses are boring….she should’ve embraced the swimsuit concept and worn a parrot on her shoulder instead of a bow. In fact she should’ve just dressed like a pirate, her facial expressions would’ve made more sense.

  35. gryt

    Her camera face is… LMAO.

    Her lipstick color is really pretty.

  36. qwerty

    Her faces and poses are hilarious.I actually took a tour not only through her GGlobes pics but also some older ones.This Kate Moss thing she’s trying to pull off here is not a one time thing,she does it every time there’s a camera around.Take a look at her other pics,it’s fun.She tries so hard it’s embarrassing to watch.

  37. Krissi

    I like the bow, but I really don’t think this dress is flattering on her AT ALL.

  38. Charismaticmegafauna

    Piper Perabo cannot pose with her mouth closed. She must have terrible sinus problems and therefore has to breathe out of her mouth all the time. Do an image search on google and see for yourselves.