Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Kaley Cuoco


This dress is like the cute little sister of Amanda Peet’s mess – or, maybe the little sister who is SECRETLY ACTUALLY THE DAUGHTER but has been raised as a sibling, a la one of my favorite EastEnders plotlines.

But I do wonder if it’s the cute little sister-daughter that should be worn by a cute little fourteen-year old, and not paired with cream shoes that look dirty next to it (or, if they are white and it’s just a shadow, matchy shoes that look heavy with it). I also want to pull her hair out of whatever side-coif that is. So let’s back up: frock is cute little sister-daughter to Peet’s dust-ruffle, and should be worn by a cute little fourteen-year old in different shoes who doesn’t look like her hair never grew back after little Johnny McGee cut off her right pigtail in kindergarten.

Phew. That may be the worst post I’ve ever written. I’m so sorry. Kaley, you deserved better. Fug Nation, YOU deserved better. Let’s just take a break and talk about something else. Like bedbugs. How’s that going? Are Jessica and I doomed in February when we go to Fashion Week? Or we could talk about Smash looks both terrible and tremendous, or how I might have to quit watching Biggest Loser, or how I HAVE quit Glee, or why those ads for Honda SUVs imply that you can’t go hiking or build a robot or, indeed, do anything, after you get married and have kids, because apparently the certificate and the spawn neuter your ability to be interesting. Or, we could discuss Rob Lowe’s dishy and amusing autobiography. Or why My Week With Marilyn was so boring. Or why feet are creepy. Or why no one has invented a utensil specifically for cleaning all that persnickety residue off cheese graters and Oxo potato mashers. Come on, America. INNOVATE.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (59):

  1. Karen
    0

    I had the EXACT same reaction to those Honda commercials. Also the way the woman says starkly “I want a baby,” like she’s thirsting for a moccachino. And then her husband says no, we have to go to Alaska first. Clearly, he does not want a kid along. Those two need a good divorce lawyer.

    In other news: don’t worry about bedbugs. They’ve literally not been in the news in months. I’d forgotten about them. I don’t even see the endless bedbug-exterminator commercials in the morning news any more.

  2. Jessica
    0

    Also: I agree about those ads. I was just having a tirade about that the other night. YOU’RE ALLOWED TO HIKE AFTER YOU GET MARRIED.

    • JanetP
      0

      I know, right? It’s not even she wants to do all this stuff without him. WTF???

      • Sajorina
        0

        But, how can a woman handle a house, a husband & children, travel to Alaska, learn to play the drums & the cowbell, and finish her movie… SHE CAN’T! She obviously has to hop on her SUV with her fiancée and do all this things before ruining her life forever!!! Heh, heh…

    • AinsleyJay
      0

      I actually have friends who seem to think like this. One has been with her boyfriend for 7 years but they can’t get married because they want to work overseas and travel more. But they want to do it together anyway so…I dunno I gave up trying to explain and understand 2 years ago.

      • C-No
        0

        Really? I have a friend who just married her boyfriend — and they were both perfectly content as boyfriend-girlfriend — so she could get a visa to go to Spain with him.

  3. Rachel
    0

    Don’t love the dress. Re: bed bugs – pack your clothes in a duffel bag that you can freeze once you get home. Chuck everything you can in the freezer, or put it in the washing machine on hot (crank your hot water heater to high), and dry in the dryer for a loooonnnnngggg time! And check the mattress when you get to your hotel (on the seams). Definitely not Doomed!

    • Breda
      0

      UGHHHHH, bedbugs. I was in a sublet that had them for two weeks, but I was suffering for over a month afterwards and was desperately afraid that they would scar and my hands would be forever marked. Fortunately, they eventually faded.

      But YES: bedbugs are actually fairly easy to kill by freezing for three days (I think? Maybe less) or by putting them in heat over 115 F for 20 minutes. The average dryer gets to 140, so just throw everything in there the minute you get home and you should be fine. This doesn’t mean you won’t have bites – I’d check the bedbug registry before booking hotels – but you shouldn’t bring them home. Also, diatomaceous earth is pretty great if you accidentally do bring a couple back with you.

    • Biff
      0

      I don’t usually comment but I am actually having my apartment chemical bombed today to get rid of the bedbugs that I picked up in a hotel a couple of months ago. However, since I stayed in the same room with 2 other people and neither one of them has had a single bite, I will second: Definitely not Doomed!!

  4. Liane
    0

    I agree about “The Biggest Loser” When I was powering through the finale (the show would be UNBEARABLE without the benefit of watching it on PVR) & they said they’d be premiering the next season in two weeks I died a little inside. I was just like “Oh God, why so soon?”

  5. Pamela
    0

    A toothbrush (preferably not the one you also use on your teeth) and baking soda will clean crusty utensils or Kaley’s dirty shoes. All servicey up in here.

  6. Mahastee
    0

    I think the dress is cute, it’s actually one of the better things I’ve seen her in. The hair is a throwback to 90′s school formals though.

  7. Jane Lambert
    0

    As if I didn’t love this website enough, you’ve now gone and referenced EastEnders. Amazing.

  8. vandalfan
    0

    Bad hair and too boob-a-licious.

    Let’s discuss Starbucks going blonde. Try it; lighter roasts if done correctly have a sweet, chocolate like flavor.

    • Lori
      0

      Hmm. I’m not a frequent Starbucks frequenter, but I happened to be there just yesterday. I was talked out of a blonde by the guy in front of me, who smirked and said it tastes boring.

      • Sajorina
        0

        The best thing on Earth is having a Hot Chocolate & a Cinnamon Scone at Starbucks before heeding home for a good night sleep!

    • Allie
      0

      I too feel the dress is too boob-a-licious. The bust is too low. Even though I can clearly see that the ‘illusion netting’ is holding up her dress, I’m still afraid it’s going to fall down or ride a little bit too low.

  9. Lina
    0

    Ack, it’s a quinceañera dress! And she is REALLY not fifteen. /o\

  10. Melanie
    0

    Rob Lowe’s book on audio is AWESOME. Amazon was running a special where kindle readers could get the audible version for free, so I snapped it up, and it’s so great. Even if only half of it is really true, it’s still an amazing life.

    Her dress, not so much.

  11. swellcat
    0

    We can talk about quitting Glee. I also did the same. I am a TVaholic and I just got so sick of Glee’s inflated view of itself that I have erased it’s series recording. I care not! I’m glad I’m not alone. I will watch Smash though. It’s a Broadway show which is where these musical shows belong. You can be over the top if it’s Broadway!

    • Jessica
      0

      I also quit it! FREEEEEEDOM!

      • Ruby
        0

        Yuss! More people who aren’t watching it anymore! spread the word. Maybe eventually in ten years it will be cancelled! Then the music world can breathe easy once again.

      • corriner
        0

        I am so glad I found you fellow Glee- quitters. After last season I just couldn’t do it anymore.

        There is only so much catchy Katy Perry covers can make up for.

      • A.
        0

        Yay fellow Glee quitters! I gave up that show at the end of last season because it was like a drug addiction- short term enjoyment followed by anger (at inconsistent plots and incoherent story arcs), depression (at the fact that it never got better), and self-loathing (for knowing all these things and still watching). I will confess I had a Glee-lapse this week; I watched two clips and read a recap and immediately felt horrible. Don’t fall off the wagon like I did :-)

    • Rubee
      0

      I’m so relieved! I’m like, the only person in my office who has never awaited breathelessly an X episode to see what (insert famous guest star’s name) does. I never liked the pedestrian dialogues, the archetypical characters and the over the top concept… I clapped when King of Leon’s leader – KOL is far way from being my favourite band- refused to let them cover their song… I hate Lea Michele and her dramatic piping… Thanks! Now I know I’m not alone in the world!

  12. Sajorina
    0

    I like this dress A LOT! It’s so cute that the girl in me wants to put it on and twirl! I agree that the shoes are wrong for it, but with the right shoes it can look awesome! I give Kaley a MEH & the dress a FAB!!!

  13. Infoqueen
    0
  14. SaraK
    0

    Heather, I don’t think this could be the worst post you’ve ever written, not because I have a worse one in mind, but because I am loving the comments here. They’re making my day brighter and it needed it (much like Kaley’s shoes). Fug Nation is so fun!

  15. val.
    0

    This dress reminds me of a wedding cake, with the tiers and all.

  16. Jenny
    0

    Raise the bustline and toss in a veil, and this is a dead ringer for my First Communion dress.

  17. Girlin
    0

    It’s a terrible effort Kaley! She looks like she should be sitting over some toilet roll in an overly fussy loo!! Dislike! PS Gave up Glee last year too – Lea Michele may be talented…but she grates!!!! =(

  18. Missy
    0

    I’ve quit both Glee AND the Biggest Loser and I couldn’t be happier!

    • Molly
      0

      I think this weeks high school proposal might have sealed the deal for me with Glee. SERIOUSLY. THEY ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL. That story line cannot end well … for any one. Either Rachel says no and we go back to sad-mopey-broken-up Finn and Rachel OR she says yes and it’s just too horrific for words. I wish there would be some kind of FCC ban on high school marriages and proposals on shows for teens.

      Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. This dress is bad, too.

  19. Annie
    0

    For your cheese grater/potato masher I find that a nails scrub brush does magic. The little bristles get in and clean everything out but your hands stay far enough away that you don’t accidentally grate them.

    Smash is pretty awesome, although I was seriously questioning what Debra Messing was wearing the entire episode. I kept wanting to ask if it was from Derelicte. Swear to God I’ve seen hobos under bridges starting trash can fires wearing the exact shapeless colorless sweaters Messing was rocking the entire episode.

  20. Casey
    0

    I hate that OXO potato masher – it’s impossible to clean without a pressure hose! OXO rarely fails at design, but when they do, it’s such a disappointment.

  21. Karmen
    0

    I like lists, so I shall respond as such:

    1. Hiking is always possible with kids. My parents proved that. Road trips are also doable, just take it easy and DO NOT go from one coast to the other in three days with three young girls. Those vacations were brutal.
    2. Congrats on quitting Glee! It’s hard at times, but you’ll be thankful soon enough.
    3. Feet are foul. It’s hard not hating them after years of dancing mangled my toes.
    4. Grater gunk is the worst.

  22. gryt
    0

    Alicia Silverstone in “Clueless”.

  23. amy
    0

    Since this discussion is veering in all directions, I’d like to respond to the comments about Madonna’s hand-covering gloves.

    If you’re using some sort of topical Retin-A-ish-type creme on your face, rub some into the tops of your hands and your decolletage every night. Then make sure you put a dab of sunblock on said decolletage every morning. AND keep a little tube of sunblock in your purse and put it on the tops of your hands when you’re driving. If you don’t want old lady hands, keep them young. It’s pretty hard to reverse the damage once it’s happened.

    And that’s your tip for the day. And don’t wear your hair like Kaley unless you’re in kindergarten.

    • Chaiaiai
      0

      amy, thanks for the retin A tip. I’ve also taken to wearing gloves whenever I’m driving….vain I know.

      Heather, could not agree more on the Honda ads. And I worked for Honda. C’mon, marketers, don’t give into the fearmongering!

      The OXO potato masher is awful…but the peeler has saved my life.

      Also, Smash looks AWFUL. But…I still might watch it to see how big La Messing’s sweaters will get.

  24. tagatha
    0

    I feel like this would look better without the boob ruffle (though it still would look like a cake).

    Why do you (or anyone else) think feet are creepy?

  25. Jilly
    0

    Kaley – I love you. You are just so adorable and hilarious on BBT. You wear cute outfits on that show. You wear color on that show. Your hair looks cute on that show. Whoever is the stylist for that show, HIRE HER TO DRESS YOU FOR FANCY EVENTS SUCH AS THESE. Please…FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

  26. Sandra
    0

    If we’re talking about Rob Lowe, can we poke fun at his having announced Peyton Manning’s retirement. Much to the surprise of Peyton, apparently.

  27. C-No
    0

    I can’t figure out who this child is. I see her on this site, and that’s it. Where did she come from? Is she ok, or should we send her back? Since I have no idea who she is, I can’t really weigh in on the dress ON HER, but on its own merits, I like it. And those SUV commercial bother me TO NO END.

    • Heather
      0

      She’s on The Big Bang Theory, and she was on John Ritter’s sitcom when he died.

      • C-No
        0

        Oh. I think the first time I noticed her was when she hosted something, except I didn’t watch whatever she was hosting, I just read the coverage here. Ok then. Carry on, Kaley. But first get some new shoes.

  28. tejasmom
    0

    1. I’ve got 9 episodes of Glee recorded and have only watched one. I really doubt I’ll get to any of them.
    2. That dress is twee.
    3.I disagree, I loved My Week With Marilyn. (And so did the Golden Globes)
    4. Otherwise, nothing you write is ever bad.

  29. Laura
    0

    My bf used to work in hotels. He says to put luggage DIRECTLY on the luggage rack, never on the bed or the floor. Bed bugs can’t climb, you see. That should save your clothes. And if you find one, immediately put it in a cup and take it to management and demand your stay be comped.

    Also, WHO is this? Seriously, I keep wondering w(ho)tf she is and why I should care.

  30. Laura
    0

    Oooohhhh, Big Bang Theory. I don’t watch, those nerds annoy me.

  31. Stephanie
    0

    THANK YOU. I hate those Honda commercials soooo much. What, you can’t play drums with a ring on your finger?

  32. Ms. Chanandler Bong
    0

    You seriously experience joy upon quitting Glee, I would compare it to the first time you see the ocean. Ok, maybe not that dramatic but still. And you stop hearing all songs in Glee voices. I think those Honda commercials are annoying based on the fact that she drops it on him at like, a farmer’s market. Like all that produce instantly reminded her of her empty womb. It’s just so random.

    • Ms. Chanandler Bong
      0

      P.S. Was I the only one who noticed how downtrodden Johnny Galecki looked at the Globes when they announced his category? And his table was practically empty like everyone forgot he was even nominated because he’s not Jim Parsons and hit the bar instead.

  33. MaryAnne
    0

    I too quit Glee when I realized there were 7-8 episodes stacked up on the DVR and I was dreading trying to get through them instead of looking forward to a big marathon. So I deleted them all and the Season Pass and felt a huge weight just lift. Sounds like I haven’t missed much! Couldn’t do Biggest Loser again this fast either – I watched the whole previous season and mostly stuck with it because (eventual winner) John is from my relatively small home town and although he was a year younger and went to a different HS, I know people who knew him and they did an interview with him and his mom in our newspaper every week so I felt kind of invested in a “six degrees of separation” way.

  34. Judith
    0

    Don’t bother trying to freeze bedbugs, a household freezer can’t get cold enough to kill them, but as discussed the dryer is the trick. Inspect the mattress, the adult bugs are the size and colour of an apple seed.

    And don’t ever diss the writing on GFY. Those ladies are BRILLIANT.

  35. Miss Em
    0

    I bought my now-ex-boyfriend that potato masher for Christmas a couple years ago. He sent me a text that said, “This is the best potato masher I have ever had! I love you.” In ten years (yeah, I know), that was one of only 10 times he ever told me he loved me. HELL of a potato masher.

  36. Scott
    0

    What a reasonably priced potato masher.