Golden Globes Mostly-Well-Played Carpet: Jennifer Garner


well-played

This certainly fits J.Gar like a glove. It’s stunning on her.

But she’s SO extra super skinny all of a sudden, it vexes me — she snapped back down to Alias levels so quickly that it has me concerned she tried one of those disordered weight-loss cleanses. I hope that’s not the case. I love her. I like to imagine her doing it the healthy way, and not sitting around her house drinking lemon juice and cayenne, or the drippings from squished maple leaves, barking at the wall and hallucinating that it’s Ben.

Speaking of, let’s address the thing in the room that really IS an elephant: Where was Ben? Was he working? I’m sure it was something innocuous, but it kind of hits on a common annoyance I have with them, and that is: Why are you almost never willing to be seen together in public? I get that if you’re in a relationship in Hollywood, sometimes you want to keep it off the red carpet, but you know what? They have two kids. They’re married. That cat is out of the bag. In fact, that cat is so far out of the bag that it would never be able to find the bag again. So why not just GO TO STUFF TOGETHER SOMETIMES? Maybe he hates it, I don’t know. But it’s the Globes, dude. His bromantical lifemate Matt Damon was nominated. His exes, Gwynnie and J.Lo, were NOT there (probably at home doing yoga inside a bath filled with acai berry juice and organic battery acid, and writing songs about her favorite triathlon sneakers, respectively). So get a babysitter and take your hot wife’s hand and smile. I mean, if you can’t bear to do that, EVER — and they really never do — then WTF? Why are you married? Suck it up and hang out, man.

But, you know, J.Gar looks hot. So that’s a win. If she could send me her shoulder exercise regimen, I’d really appreciate it. Because obviously that’s all that’s standing between me and this dress. Yep. It’s the shoulders. Uh-huh.

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