Fugyl Cole

“Hello, I’m Cheryl Cole. But you can call me Princess LeiaLoo, since I’m currently rocking a hybrid frock that’s one part “In Star Wars Virtuous Ladies Wear White” and two parts Milla Jovovich Wears White Duct Tape, with like a dash of papal robes about it. And in fact, this dress is a miracle of construction, because it is the first of its kind to help solve the problem it causes. It is a fabulous athletic-support-quality back brace, which heats and soothes the muscles that I will tax and strain by having to stand in this awkward, distorted position for hours on end so as to avoid things like this:

“You people have never understood stress until you’ve walked a mile in my ThermaCare couture. Available soon at Walgreens.”