Fugtoria Beckham


Oh, Posh. Pish, Posh. You are better than this.

I’m not even talking about the jumpsuit (which I just mistyped as “dumpsuit,” which also applies in a way). It’s the hideous bottle tan, which looks like the Seinfeld episode where Kramer bastes himself in butter and then sunbathes and it makes Newman hallucinate his head on a perfectly roasted turkey. It’s the hair, which, though not as bad as during the low point of her extensions, still does nothing to enhance her the way the pixie or sassy bobs did. And it’s the makeup, which looks like someone drew on her eyebrows while she was passed out on the sofa. She is the Victoria of Yore — Yesterposh — and it makes me worried that we’re creeping back into the weird, desperate territory where she didn’t have anything to do except be photographed near David. Girl, you are a fashion mogul. And a good one. Go wash your face and exfoliate everything — and wear one of your own designs, because frankly, they are better.

However:

You all need to know that Brooklyn is so grown-up that I feel like a shriveled old prune. Kid, you are going to break some hearts. Mom, straighten his tie.

[Photos: Getty]

react:
Leave a reply

Comments (16):

  1. Dazie
    +11

    She is in the exact same pose in both pictures. It’s like she’s a cardboard cutout of herself.

  2. AndersonicTK421
    +1

    Ha – it’s so appropriate that Heather wrote this because I heard this whole take-down in Heather Chandler’s voice…

  3. CakesOnAPlane
    +1

    why do they both look so pained?

  4. wordphreak
    +2

    Straighten his tie and then WAKE HIM UP!

    •  HelenBackAgain
      +5

      Heh. Yeah. Well, he’s 14 – they probably had to wake him up to get him to go to this.

      Kid’s beautiful though.

  5. AM
    +4

    He is a cutie. For me the other thing that struck me about this picture was her posture. She just looks uncomfortable, trying to do her yoga backbend.

  6. Kristen from MA
    +11

    It’s not just the tan and the hair; it’s the POSE. She looks ridiculous standing like that. Maybe not as ridiculous as Paris Hilton does, but silly nonetheless.

  7. Bella
    +5

    It’s the pose as well as the hair, clothes, tan, makeup, etc.. At some point in time, women need to give up the as[s]inine stances. She’s way past that expiration date.

  8. Lily1214
    +4

    She has a beautiful smile that you rarely see in photos.

  9. ohnoshedi'nt
    0

    Did she ever take a run at Fug Madness? I was just perusing the Cut’s slideshow of her fashion history, and she definitely deserved one!

  10.  HelenBackAgain
    +1

    She looks like Erin Wasson.

    That’s not good.

  11.  Vandalfan
    +1

    Yesterposh For The Win.

  12. Jamie
    +2

    So glad I’m not the only one confused by her low-rent looking extensions, and the fact that her eyebrows appear to be taking over her face. WTF Posh? We expect better.

    I do love that her oldest is her absolute spitting image, the middle one looks just like his dad, and the youngest boy is like a perfect blend of the two of them.

  13. CopyChic
    +1
  14. Guerra
    +2

    I love her! But this is not her best :(

  15. Patti
    +1

    Why does she always look angry?! Could it hurt a girl to smile occasionally?