Fugsica Biel

I’m wondering if this looked better in person. I mean, aside from that always being the benefit of the doubt in these situations.

The dress itself might be quite lovely. The shoes are totally getting lost for me (perhaps it’s the lighting?). But — as ever with her — my real issue is with the hair and makeup. Those bangs are doing her fewer and fewer favors every time I see them, and the hair is just hanging there like a death in a horror movie. There needs to be a bit more drama up north in order to sustain the dress — personally, I’d have put up the lank extensions and gone with a smoky eye. As it is, the effect is less that it’s a dress than a very fancy bathrobe she’s wearing right after she got out of the shower, when her face is still steam-flushed and her hair is undone and she’s standing in front of her closet trying to figure out what to put on for real. Maybe she should blame this one on Justin.

[Photo: WENN]

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Comments (41):

  1. Art Eclectic

    I LOVE that dress. Would buy in a heartbeat. Hate the shoes. Her hair would have been much better pulled back away from her face into something soft and romantic. Brighter lip.

    • Lori

      Maybe she left the hair down to try to camouflage the ombre skin thing she has going on from forehead to sternum.

  2. Chasmosaur

    Another Gucci today.


    Looks better without the neck ruffle, for certain.

  3. Deanna

    I think that dress is gorgeous. I also think a dark eye plus this dark dress would be too … dark. I vote: hair in a loose low bun, intense bright berry lipstick.

  4. Stefanie

    It feels really heavy, like too heavy for early October. But it is something I would probably try on, wonder around the dressing room in for 35 mins, ask random shoppers what they think about it, take it off, put it back on and then buy it…. Only to return it the next weekend.

    Those bangs are atrocious. Who is telling her this is a good idea?

    Has she been monkeying with her face? I cant help but feel like her features are getting harsher.

  5. Lion

    She should wear simple clothes. These fun/funky dresses she insists on simply don’t suit her. Simpler/sleeker hair too, please.

  6. openroses

    Hey, at least it isn’t bridal. I call this a well-played, considering the past efforts.

  7. Ellelake

    I like the dress, the styling is awful, especially the shoes. Maybe a bright green shoe with hair up, and really project some personality.

  8. Ellelake

    Lauren Conrad looks cute is Taylor Swift’s dress.

  9. Shiitake

    It’s a lovely dress, but the Biel Curse is to do as little as possible to accentuate the entire look.

  10. OH

    I feel like I have already seen this look on her a million times.

  11. Big Noise

    She’s so bland and blah. And as usual, nothing to see here — or is there TOO MUCH to see here? Ruffly trim AND cut to the waist AND a belt AND a weird hem? It looks like a wrap dress crossed with a dressing gown from the Blanche Devereaux Collection for JCP. Plus fingernail polish to match? And the shoes, besides being a snore, look about a half-size too small — you can see her toes, for crying out loud.

  12. Jules

    I have nothing good or bad to say about it, except that it reminds me of a very tame version of J Lo’s iconic boob-tape dress.

  13. pantsonfire

    Second verse, same as the first. I feel like I’m always saying the same thing about her, which is basically that her sartorial choices seem so at odds with whatever her natural style essence is…for lack of a better way of explaining it. There is a very clear, very obvious style that seems most natural to her: simple, straightforward, direct, uncomplicated, maybe a little gender neutral/sporty/tomboyish, but also body-conscious and a little sexy–and now that I think about it, it’s very American. Instead, she seems to gravitate to pieces that are emphatically feminine (which would be fine on someone else) and, to be honest, too haute couture for her. And it just results in a feeling that she’s trying to hard and isn’t at peace with her inherent style, which is off-putting.

    That said, I would dislike this garment on anyone, I think. And, she’s slowly breaking my will to resist her hair and makeup choices because they are bothering me less and less. It’s like, “So that’s not how I would choose for her to look, but apparently that’s how you see yourself.” And she so persistent about it that I’ve forgotten what she looks like without this hair and face.

    • drlemaster

      Agreed. I am convinced Ms. Biel would be much happier as the tomboyish spokesmodel for some line of athletic clothing, rather that whatever it is she is trying to be.

  14. Jane

    Did you see Biel’s head-to-toe Isabel Marant outfit? Studded leather everywhere! Can’t wait for you girls to tackle that one!!! http://www.celebitchy.com/256029/jessica_biel_in_studded_leather_for_real_in_paris_budget_dated_or_chic

  15. Sandra

    I thought ‘bathrobe’ the instant I saw this. If you’re gonna show that much sternum, make it the same color as the rest of you. Definite Hair Fail. Now, I can feel for a girl who doesn’t know how to handle her hair. I wouldn’t like to confess how many decades it took for me to figure out my own. But she has lots more resources than I do and if her friends are telling her this looks good, she needs new friends.

  16. Kristin

    I’ll admit it, I love this dress, and I love it on her. I don’t even mind the shoes. However. THAT BAG. It hurts my eyes. Same for that hair, she has such a pretty face, why cover it will a terrible fringe? And then to have blah-make up as well? I vote for a loose messy updo and a berry lip.

  17. witjunkie

    But the colors really are beautiful. This in a snug, ruche-y little sheath? Love. On me.

  18. kickassmomnyc

    Creature From the Black Lagoon dress. WAY too much going on, looks like she’s tangled in seaweed.

  19. TonyG

    Love the dress. Those shoes…oh my, they could double as weapons against paparazzi.

  20. strah

    LOVE the dress, nail polish, and purse. The make up and hair need help though.

  21. Lee Anne

    It gives me Delta Burke/Designing Woman feel.

  22. Mongerel

    Ms. B here took a perfectly pretty dress and overwhelmed it with four inches too much “hair” and simultaneously disdained it with two ounces too little of makeup. Everything is pleasantly vertical until you get to those atrocious strait-cut bangs. Maybe that’s how they originally got called BANGS…its all, flow like a river, then BANG!

    What’s really wrong with this look: She’s like a really awkward font. Undotted eyes and a dammed T.

  23. cc

    I think she looks really really good. Any more make-up would’ve made it look over-done.

  24. Beth

    Why do women in Hollywood hate their feet?

  25. jen

    this chick has the WORST style. She’s gorgeous and yet she always manages to look AWKWARD.

  26. H.C.

    it looks like a more modest version of J. Lo’s brooch dress, and the shoes look like a total pain!

  27. Helen


    I am so very tired of this girl’s inability to dress or groom herself.

  28. Vandalfan

    Remove all the flipper ruffles an the dress would be a nice choice for Christina H. of Mad Men

    • Jeanette

      Exactly! Christina H would look smashing in it as you described. This COULD also look nice on Jessica B if she cut off the frippery and had this cute material in a halter neck or a simple sleeveless shift. And please girl – wear lipstick of an actual colour.

  29. tigers4us

    Those are killer shoes, and I mean that literally. Fatal on the feet and the toes look sharp enough to stab.

  30. LindenLovesFashion

    The dress is lovely, and it is wearing her. And not well. I don’t get her at all. I think she looks as boring as it’s possible to look – as if she is 12, trying to dress up and ‘look sophisticated.’ My 5-year-old dresses better, and this includes Sunday mornings when I sleep in late and my husband lets her put her ensemble together out of the dress-up box. Jessica Biele is a relatively pretty woman, but her stylist or lack thereof is doing her no favors. My final comment is: Bangs! Go Away!

  31. Esme

    She looks like a guy in drag; maybe she’s playing Jack Benny’s part in a community theater version of “Charley’s Aunt.”

  32. Lily1214

    Umm, the hair looks dated. But as to the dress . . . You have to have a stylist who’s on your side.

  33. erin

    This dress needs:
    1. better shoes
    2. J. Lo

  34. rowan

    La K-Stew wears this dress on the latest issue of British Vogue, with hair up and deep scarlet lippy. Much better.

  35. Narie

    Why won’t she change her hair? I just can’t get past it. Its like she (or Justin) has decided its her signature look but its way too dated of a look. This was a popular style for about 5 minutes and its long past its expiration date. She’s a beautiful woman with very definable features and she needs a style that flows more naturally on her. She needs long layered locks and a more breezy style. She’s beautiful but this just isn’t doing it for her.

  36. rosa

    I love Jessica biele hair due and out fit.