Fugs and Fehs: Wango Tango


fug-or-fab

Wango Tango is a concert that KIIS-FM (the local pop-music station here in Los Angeles) organizes every May, and which generally features a LOT of artists who are intensely popular but ultimately kind of flashes in the pan, mixed in with people like Britney. If you want to feel old, you should look at the Wikipedia compendium of past line-ups, as they are kind of brilliant time capsules of pop culture. For example, the ’98 line-up included Hootie and the Blowfish, Vonda Shepard (!), Paula Cole and Meredith Brooks, Olivia Newton John (???) and N-freaking SYNC, who were not even the headliners (that honor went to Mariah Carey, which is fair). 1999 had — among others — Ricky Martin and Britney, a girl I’ve never heard of who doesn’t even have a Wiki page anymore and who therefore isn’t even officially alive, and Fab of Milli Vanilli in the midst of his failed attempt to be a solo artist. The following year, N*SYNC headlined (that may have been the year I personally saw N*SYNC at the Rose Bowl and had an argument with the 12 year old in front of me about whether or not JC was my boyfriend or hers [I let her win when I realized what for me was "an argument" was for her DEADLY SERIOUS. I realized this when she asked me if JC and I had "an anniversary" (we do not).]) and there were two bands I’ve literally never heard of, plus Sisqo (remember when you couldn’t get in your car without hearing “The Thong Song”? Personally, I am much more a fan of its contemporary “Hot In Herre”), and J. Simp…backed up by Nick Lachey. You guys, that page is a total wormhole and you should go procrastinate there. Get ready to say things like, “OMG REMEMBER O-TOWN?” And then come back and look at all the fools Hologram Me is going to be waxing rhapsodic about in 2022.

[Photos: Getty and WENN]

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Comments (50):

  1. Jen
    0

    What happened to Maria’s poor feet?? Ouch.

    I don’t think I would wear those shoes if my feet were bandaged like that. A) How uncomfortable. B) How unattractive…

    • Stefanie
      0

      Her feet look like Minni-Mouse feet. All wide and squooshed like. Isnt she on Dancing w/ the “Stars”? I bet they hurt like hell from that.

  2. Libby
    0

    “I’m too old for this shit.”
    Yes! If you have to dress like a clown for attention, you are a clown, and I didn’t even like clowns when I was a kid.

  3. gryt
    0

    A big bag of MEH.

  4. Emily
    0

    I bet Olivia Newton-John was there because of the Grease Megamix. Remember that thing?

  5. Mary
    0

    Thank you for denying the existence of the Kardashians.
    If we stop feeding it, perhaps it will go away.

  6. Liz
    0

    I was wondering about Maria’s feet too. They look so clunky and weird with the bandages and giant shoes.

  7. Jennifer
    0

    I attended Wango Tango in 2001 and it was fantastic. Looking at the Wiki for it, I have no memory whatsoever of who or what 3LW is, but I hope BSB continues to tour annually again. ;)

    • Sonya
      0

      Didn’t 3LW sing that “I like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch” song? If so, I am not ashamed to know that because that song irritated the hell out of me. I have never been a fan of cheesy boy bands.

      • Stella
        0

        LFO sang Summer Girls which is the song that gave us the unfogettable lines about Abercrombie ans Fitch, and girls looking fly for the summer. 3LW was 3 little women, a hip hop r&b group there big song was No More. I am sort of embarrassed that I still know that.

  8. Mo
    0

    Does menunos have on some kind of sheer nylon sock with those pumps? If not, her “top feet” are looking strange.

  9. Shiitake
    0

    WTH Is Neon Hitch? Circus performer? Comic-Con hostess? The Bad Fairy of our discontent and summer heat rash?

    • Eliza Bennett
      0

      She’s insane and allergic to pants. But I genuinely like her voice–she’s like Jessie J–straight up sartorially CRAY but secretly talented. I also love her hair color.

  10. Glee
    0

    Maria M’s legs just look awful beat-up (I pride myself on my grammar!). But they are bruised, plus those feet, oy.

    On a positive note, from the hem up, she looks great!

  11. LoriK
    0

    Since when is there a step and repeat at Wango Tango? Why is there a step and repeat at Wango Tango? I don’t even care that I sound like a cranky old lady, this is taking B-lister attention whoring to a ridiculous level.

  12. Dina
    0

    I live in Chicago – just watched Freaky Friday this weekend and had no idea that Wango Tango was a real event!

  13. Jasmine
    0

    “I’m too old for this shit” made me have an obnoxious burst of laughter at my desk.

    I didn’t even notice Maria M’s feet until I read the caption, she looks so great otherwise! So bouncy of hair and toned of arm.

  14. Annie E
    0

    Kylie Jenner would be wise to do away with that center part.

  15. Starling
    0

    Ugh. What does it say that I know far fewer performers at the more recent Wango Tangos? (No, please don’t tell me. Sigh.) Also, Gaga-lite in the last slide, you are also too old for that shit. Put angel wings and obviously pancake makeup on your Murtaugh list.

  16. Elise
    0

    I was looking at some of the more recent performers at Wango Tango on the Wikipedia page and the link for the band wallpaper actually links to a Wikipedia article about wallpaper. You know, the kind that goes on your walls. Genius.

  17. Chasmosaur
    0

    Jeez. All I can think of is the HFStival with Stereo MC’s (who were suprisingly good in concert), Iggy Pop, X, INXS and Matthew Sweet. I am definitely getting old.

    But what I remember most was it was blazing hot and everyone – including the artists – were wearing minimal clothes to rock in. (Well, I’m not sure Iggy Pop owns a shirt anymore.) WTF is wrong with these ladies?

  18. Megan
    0

    GOO GOO DOLLS! And Eiffel 65? WHAT!

    I had to tear myself away from that Wiki page, as it was pure AWESOME.

  19. Gwen Robinson
    0

    2003 would have been awesome. And Neon Hitch who/what?

  20. Lynne
    0

    Yeah. Neon Hitch. When I took an advertising course in college, we discussed the phenomenon of the “Crazy Carpets/Car Lot/Used Furniture” guy. Every city has one. He produces loud and embarrassing commercials — makes an ass out of himself and everyone knows who he is. Generally, there can be only one successful one of these in a market. One guy claims the buffoonery title for a city.

    I feel like Neon Hitch is the second guy in the There Can Only Be One Gaga rule. And even Gaga is getting a bit tired by now.

  21. Art Eclectic
    0

    KIIS should rename this event now that Nugent is officially persona-non-grata just about everywhere outside of militia rallies.

    • Jessica
      0

      Is it a Ted Nugent reference? I had no idea. But no one in the target demo even knows who Ted Nugent is, so I think they’re okay.

      • Steph
        0

        The Nuge has a song called Wango Tango. I’m not sure this pop-heavy event is any relation, however.

        I dig the green jeans/black shirt combo, and agree it’s concert appropriate- except for the footwear. Wear FLAT shoes while standing for hours. Trust.

  22. Liz
    0

    That was a lot of parentheses within parentheses! Neon Hitch looks like a tranny performer – is she/he?

  23. gav
    0

    My first thought on seeing Maria Menounos was ‘Paula Abdul is looking so youthful and sprightly these days’.

    Oh dear.

  24. Suzie
    0

    I think Janel’s romper is cute– more retro 50s than something a 2 year old wears.

  25. Kyasarin
    0

    What the hell is a “Neon Hitch”, and why does it look like the world’s most beige showgirl?

  26. anny
    0

    Properly deployed parentheses are a joy.

  27. Bambi Anne Dear
    0

    I was just going to comment that Kendall and Kylie Jenner look like Kardashians when………

    And how badly is Kat Graham’s dress constructed?

  28. Riley
    0

    I enjoy Nikki Reed’s Indiana Jones cosplay!

    (But what I really want to say is OMG I *do* remember O-Town!)

  29. Elle
    0

    I love you guys to death, but it’s spelled “oeuvre.”

  30. vandalfan
    0

    What’s with all the rompers these days?

  31. Jo
    0

    Could someone make TheBieb disappear? I’ll pay.

    • Sonya
      0

      I concur. Why does he always have to make such dumba$$ expressions? I don’t even want to say what he looks like.

      • katkin74
        0

        Right!! We have Liam Hemsworth’s Hopeful Puppy Expression. We have The Squint from CMM. When are we going to name the Biebs’ look. It’s like Too Young Meets Blue-Steel Confusion. We need to get on that, stat. He makes the same expression, everytime.

  32. Lilyka
    0

    OH my god i LOVED O-Town! I’m going to go listen to them right now!

  33. Cranky Old Batt
    0

    I haz mad love for the first dress. Cos I wish I was built like that. But the footsies look wrong, wrong, wrong. Even black sparkly chucks with this dress would have been better. Just sayin’

  34. Squirrel!
    0

    Maria Menounos and her dress look gorgeous from the thighs up!

  35. Jessica
    0

    Hot in Herre was by Nelly. Sorry, had to give props to my hometown boy.

  36. Mukel
    0

    I was trying to make a “Fourth-year University” mix, and sort of running out of ideas, but this has helped. OMGLOL Remember when the massive hit of summer 2001 was “Lady Marmalade”?! I remember going to see Moulin Rouge with my future husband and father of my child, and being “OMG this is so romantic!!!” P!nk, Christina Aguilera, Missy Elliot, Mya, and Lil Kim… so much water under the bridge, different life paths… some are elder stateswomen of pop, some are judges on reality shows, some have been CONTESTANTS on reality shows, and one is a ex-con! And then there’s me… :)

    Remember Christina in the video, though? Now that was some WTF-ness right there.

    • Mukel
      0

      This makes me realize I’m getting old, though… I don’t know who any of these people are in the past few lineups! It’s coz I quit teaching and now I’ve lost touch with the youth of today.

  37. ML
    0

    As a homegrown Southern girl, I say this and I don’t mean it as an insult or stereotype. It’s just a fact: Down here, “Carly Rae Jepsen” would be the name of someone who’d be Matron of the Month at the local state women’s prison. It really would.