When the Bough Breaks is a The Hand That Rocks the Cradle for the new millennium, best I can tell (certainly, the similarities are intentional, given that the line is “when the bough breaks, the cradle will rock”) and every time I see the trailer on TV, I find myself mesmerized, and not only because the Slow Ominous Version of “The Boy Is Mine” is kind of amazing:

It feels very Lifetime — Psychotic Surrogate On the Loose! is a movie on Lifetime every seventy-two minutes — but so was the original, and also, as you know, I love Lifetime movies. I once spent an entire Sunday watching three Menendez Brothers movies in a row. In short, I am here for this and not only because of Morris Chestnut; in a cineplex overrun with superhero movies, I long for the return of the cheesy, satisfying sexual thriller.