Fugs and Fabs: The NBC Upfronts


If NBC had canceled Parenthood or Parks and Rec for any of the shows on display at upfronts, I would have GONE INSANE FROM RAGE. The Michael J. Fox comedy might be okay, maybe; the others seem resoundingly average, if not bad. The Blacklist is basically James Spader chortling for an hour (and, Jess pointed out, full of a bunch of people doing that thing I HATE where they fake-type but forget to hit the space bar, like, JUST TYPE YOUR NAME OVER AND OVER AND IT WILL LOOK MORE BELIEVABLE), although you know I will probably tune in for that a couple times because James Spader chortling for any length of time is weirdly hypnotic. Dracula looks nonsensical, and I don’t understand why Jonathan Rhys-Meyers couldn’t just be BRITISH because instead he occasionally sounds like he’s holding his breath while constipated. And Ironsidejust watch. I kid you not, there is a line where some says to Detective Blair Underwood Ironside, “Dammit, there are PROCEDURES to be FOLLOWED,” and then later there is the cliched line about how He Has A Different Perspective From Down There (Which Is In His Wheelchair, In Case You Missed It). I love Blair Underwood, but Jessica is right: That entire reel felt like the lines were written in the hopes that David Caruso would pop by and rip off his sunglasses.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (63):

  1. Tar Heel Gal
    +1

    Say WHAT?! Agent Scully back on TV? Jessica, recaps maybe? ;) (I think of you every time I dust my action figures, missy). I think Gillian looks great in that pic, blonde or red (prefer red). And I don’t care how bad Michael J. Fox’s new show might be, I’M IN!!! Thanks for the heads-up on their new shows!

    Richard Belzer needs some of that blood of virgins cocktail the stunning Emma Samms is drinking, just saying….

    • Genevieve
      +1

      Yeah, Gillian has a new show called “Crisis”, which is why she’s there (plus she has Hannibal and The Fall.) My Scully-loving heart is happy that she’s back to doing TV.

      • GFY Heather
        +1

        Interesting — it didn’t seem to be on her IMDb page yet, but I did see her posing with non-Hannibal people. Crisis must be midseason? Anyway, yay for that.

  2. cath
    +1

    “So you knew this was a suicide the whole time? What the hell have you been doing for the past four days?”
    “Finding out what made Annie jump, and punishing the ones who put her on that ledge.”

    GAHHHHH. As if those lines weren’t bad enough, the way Underwood purrs his reply while simultaneously tipping his whiskey glass towards and pointing at his commanding officer, is some seriously thick-sliced Velveeta cheese. Fun in the context of a B-movie (preferably one with its own drinking game), but in a serial?

    Well, I guess Miami Vice was a thing, and this is maybe the same kind of thing? Huh….I’d better stop before I talk myself into liking this.

  3. Christa
    +4

    Thank you so much for reminding me of the poisoned pancakes! That (plus Not-Natalie keeping real Natalie in a well) is the reason I miss AMC.

    • lica
      +1

      Miss no more, AMC is back with new half hour episodes on Hulu as of April 29. The storyline picks up 5 years later and a lot of the original characters are back, including Dixie, David, Adam, Brooke, Zack ,Opal, Jesse, and Angie. Hoping Erica, Jackson, and Tad find their way back to Pine Valley!

  4. Amanda In Austin
    +1

    Why was Ross Geller there? Does he have a new show?

  5. Helen
    +2

    That’s a whole lot of “meh,” isn’t it. Usually the men are just sorta there, for me, but here, they’re the only ones I really remember! Giancarlo Esposito looks very dapper, and the eccentric outfits on Belzer and Spader are delightful bits of sartorial whimsy.

  6. Rowynn
    +2

    Just watched the trailer for Dracula. Hm. It might be an ok show, but frankly, HBO has spoiled me – a network show with no nudity or cussing, and watered-down violence… how is that gonna compete with True Blood? Imagine how awesome Jonathan Rhys-Meyers would have been on THAT show.

    • Katty McNiley Ripley
      0

      Dracula (and Michael J. Fox series of course) is the only one that MIGHT be ok, the rest is just….. terrible and uninspired. Specially the “comedy” series seem just awful.

      Ross is the true Dracula, right? He just doesn’t age…

  7. Mary
    +4

    Somewhere, Andi is thanking her lucky pink stars she chose Major Appliance Blaine over Stef…

    • Jessica
      +5

      Who would have thought, between the two of them, that McCarthy would be the one who still looks ageless? I mean, he was always baby-faced but I would have predicted Spader for a more lasting angular jerky handsomeness.

      • Helen
        +1

        Yeah, go figure, I’d have thought so too.

        • Dazie
          +1

          My God I love Blaine. Still. He could have done SO MUCH BETTER than whiny bitchy snobby Andi. Like- me.

          Where was I? Oh right- Andrew McCarthy. He was great in Lipstick Jungle.

      • sooz
        +4

        I honestly thought it was Elton John at first.

        •  LT1
          +2

          I had such a crush on James Spader during Tuff Turf (a truly brilliant choice for Fug the Fromage) that as a freshman in college I took the train to the city just to see Pretty In Pink before it opened in my suburban college town. I wouldn’t have believed that he’d age like this while Robert Downey Jr. (his best friend in Tuff Turf) would age like he has. Maybe it’s the opposite of a Dorian Gray thing? His co-workers all get to age great?

        • Eve
          +1

          Me too! And Elton owns it. James freaking Spader can do better than a hacky imitation.

      • Esme
        +1

        So right! He was beautiful. Never did I think he would go in this direction–the fine bones in his face seem to have disappeared. He’s sort of morphing into my great Aunt Gertrude.

      • krissybell76
        +6

        I don’t care if Spader starts to look like Brando from ‘The Island of Doctor Moreau’, I will still want him to bend me over a desk and spank me!

        • Claire1http://gofugy
          +4

          THANK YOU KRISSY!!
          I love/adore James Spader….
          It’s all about attitude.
          People age….. but attitude is timeless.
          I’ll take him over nearly everyone ( except Nathan Fillion) any day.

          • Claire1http://gofugy
            +2

            and that’s only because Fillion is a geek boy…and I adore the geek boys….
            Spader, though, scares me a little….in a good way.

            Ah…time to take out “Secretary”, “Crash”, and “Sex, Lies, and Videotape”……
            ;)

        • Lis
          +2

          YES!! Thanks!

  8. Brenna
    +3

    Does David Schwimmer not age? He’s almost 50 and he looks exactly the same as when Friends ended.

    And I don’t care if the show ends up being terrible, I will ALWAYS watch Michael J Fox.

    • Mary
      +24

      “Does David Schwimmer not age? He’s almost 50 and he looks exactly the same as when Friends ended.”

      Maybe he was on a break…

    • Annie E
      +3

      I don’t necessarily recommend the Iceman (it was all right) but casting David Schwimmer in a mustache as a ganster was an inspired choice.

  9. Breda
    +3

    Gillian Anderson has her own show next year, hurrah! However, Hannibal is SUPER AWESOME and creepy and surreal and good, and I would like it very much if it were renewed and she kept making appearances. I also wish her hair were still red, because she was stunning with that color, but hey, it’s her hair and she’s still lovely.

    • Miranda
      0

      IF THEY CANCEL HANNIBAL I WILL BE SO UPSET. I want all the things you want, but I doubt she’ll ever appear on Hannibal with red hair–it would be too reminiscent of Clarice. Already people are picking apart whether one redheaded student in Will’s lecture hall might be some kind of early-seeded Clarice, so it’s not like the fans aren’t ready to read into things.

      God, the show is just so good, though. I really really hope they have the sense not to cancel it; they didn’t promote it much and it doesn’t cost them much money per ep, so if they give it some time it could grow into a bigger hit.

  10. Mary
    0

    Amy Poehler’s dress is what Sienna Miller’s SHOULD have looked like… Do not like her shoes… they look like hooves.

    • Ruth
      +4

      I think the shoe issue is that Amy might have very small feet. She’s petite to begin with, so she doesn’t have an elegant foot line (?) in heels. You know, when the foot is in a heel and it’s all stretched out like a neck? Is there a term for that? Of course, Amy is all around awesome, so I feel like I have to explain away a potential bad shoe choice…

    • scone
      0

      I was giving Amy credit for being best-dressed, giving her the nod over Betsy Brandt (everyone else was a steep drop-off) because she wasn’t wearing nude shoes. But you’re right, those do look a little hoof-ish. I still appreciate a pop of brightly colored shoes, though.

  11. Erin
    +3

    Poehler looks amazing. I need to see if she’s accepting applications for a new BFF. Also, Betsy’s dress is adorable as well.

  12. Ruth
    +1

    Whither Blane? I realize we all age, but boy howdy he looks…old.

    • Ruth
      +2

      I realize that sounds kind of bitchy. Sorry. Men in Hollywood have the luxury of actually aging whereas women really don’t but I’m not sure how many men allow themselves to look older.

  13. witjunkie
    +4

    Truman Capote/James Carville/Arthur Slugworth…and Paul Shaffer. And the bad guy from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

    • Helen
      +2

      That would be the incomparable Christopher Lloyd, also well-known for the Back to the Future films, and, well, about a million and one other things. He has one of the longest credits lists I’ve seen on IMDb.

      I love that guy.

      Now I wish he were here, too!

    • Karen G
      0

      And the Nazi with the crazy coat hanger from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

      David Schwimmer has not aged a day!

      Gillian Anderson will always be the redheaded Scully to me!

    • HKS
      0

      And Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins.

  14. sara
    +1

    Wait, Casey Cartwright is a cop now?? I sat through that entire crazeballs trailer for Ironside trying to place the blond before I finally figured out that it was Spencer Grammer. I was so focused on trying to place her that I couldn’t focus on how terrible that show looks. Except to notice that it looks pretty terrible.

  15. jenelope
    +2

    Why is Minnie Driver wearing nude hose? It’s spring and she has great legs. Even I, dedicated hose apologist that I am, cannot defend her deployment of those semi-opaque monstrosities.

    Also, because I can’t miss an opportunity to post this (and Belzer makes it sort of relevant): Cooking with Christopher Walken http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c3f5101381/cooking-with-christopher-walken

    • Squirrel!
      +5

      Nude hose? Those are definitely cream/ivory/white. In addition, it was in the 50s yesterday in NYC — pretty chilly!

    • Squirrel!
      +2

      I do like your self-description of “dedicated hose apologist.” I am as well. :-)

      • jenelope
        +1

        I’m so pale that for me, that is nude hose. But you’re right. They’re way too light to be actual nude hose. But I’m so desperate for spring to happen for real that “it’s not actually snowing” is a good enough reason to go out with bare legs.

        And high five for hose apologists! Woo!

  16. lali
    0

    APOLOGIES BECAUSE THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ARTICLE
    Any idea when we will get a Nashville recap? The May 1 episode was FREAKIN’ AWESOME and I’ve been dying for Heather’s take on it.

  17. Sarahnargle
    0

    Billy Burke’s hair is making him look like SNL’s Stefon.

  18. Snevhead
    +2

    Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is Irish, actually.

  19. Laura
    +2

    Danny Pino….looks delicious. I have had a thing for that man for a decade, and I personally LOVE him on SVU.

  20. Esme
    +3

    Lauren Graham is gorgeous; I wish she’d worn something more like the frock that Poehler had on. And as for Minnie Driver, my mum is 57, and she would die before she’d wear something like that–especially those hideous stockings. Why can’t Scully see how much better she looks as a ginger when we all can?

  21. Laura
    +2

    Did the Botox Ross Gellar into a Madame Toussaud’s wax figure of himself? Also, I hope he has a new show.

  22. Claire1http://gofugy
    +1

    Gillian Anderson is the reason I went red…..
    it being FABULOUS ( and people think it’s my natural color) is why I stick with it.
    It makes me sad she isn’t anymore.

  23. Emmanuelle
    +1

    Lop off Lauren Graham’s dress at just above the knees and I think it would have been at least passable. That length does no one any favours.

  24. Jenny Samson
    +1

    James Spader – Live at Budokan!

  25. steph527
    +1

    I can’t believe they cancelled Go On. :(

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  30. Jen Dee
    0

    No love for Giancarlo Esposito’s natty threads? For shame!

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  32. Maggie J.
    0

    God bless just Richard Belzer. For real, just…bless.

    • Maggie J.
      0

      Don’t know how the ‘just’ snuck in there. Proofreading fail!