Fugs and Fabs Of The Extremely Limited Available Miss America Photos


Well, boo: I had hoped to do all the ladies’ evening gowns, but our photo services don’t have them, and blah blah blah Reasons I didn’t remember to DVR the show so I could get grabs myself. Fail on all sides. But at least we have these few pictures so we can dream of what might have been, and also, of course, there’s the shoe parade. We’ll ALWAYS have the shoe parade.

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (54):

  1. Bonnie Klein
    +3

    That yellow is great on Miss NY, but I watched (don’t judge me!) and there was A LOT of illusion netting deployed on that dress.

  2. Mia
    +21

    Props to Miss Florida for performing on her injured knee, but that bikini pic is TMI!!!

    • Jen from cincy
      +11

      For reals. I do not need that much information about Florida.

    • steen
      +5

      Thank you. I never want to see anyone’s camel toe. Holy hell, woman. Did no one check that out for her before she immortalized it FOREVER?

    • Alicia
      +15

      I did wonder what on earth her talent was that required labia.

    • deee
      +23

      Why do I always go back and look? It never ends well.

      • Art Eclectic
        0

        I know, right? You’d think we’d learn not to go back for a closer look when we’ve missed something that cannot be unseen.

      • meggiemoo
        +3

        Great. Ya’ll made me go back and zoom. NEVER ZOOM.

    • aemom
      0

      What WAS her talent that required such a state of undress? Did I miss that info?

      •  Jen S. 2.0
        +3

        Baton twirling. I didn’t watch (I should have DVRed), but apparently she seriously killed it with her batons and her bejeweled knee brace, and got a lot of respect (in a way batons have not gotten respect in years). Go on with your bad self, girl.

    • Bambi Anne Dear
      0

      OMG yes, TMI!

  3. Sandra
    +26

    Ugh, why does this pageant (or any other, for that matter) still exist? There’s only about a billion better things that everybody involved could be doing with her time.

  4. Caroline
    +9

    After rumors of Miss New York calling the outgoing Miss America chubby, I was half hoping for some tug of war action over the crown.

  5. H.C.
    +18

    Didn’t watch, but was shocked @ this morning’s news reports about at all social media bigotry. Yeesh.

  6. Halley
    +3

    citrus fruit colors (like the yellow) tend to look amazing on people with darker skin. I suspected I saw illusion netting in pic #8

    • Bonnie Klein
      +18

      It was used in the décolletage and in the low back and it was heinous. These are pageant girls, they know how to deploy spray adhesive and boob tape and they did not need to be fastened in for double axels and triple salchows. There is no excuse.

  7. April
    +20

    I am fixated on the fact that someone named Griswold was in the Miss America pageant. I feel like this would be an awesome Vacation movie that ends in Clark someone launching the family truckster on to the stage (reality has no place in a Vacation movie). It couldn’t be any worse than Vegas vacation.

  8. Miranda
    +33

    On principle, as a Miranda, I cannot root for a woman whose name is spelled in such a way that it appears to be a venereal disease. Shame on you, parents of Miss Florida!

    • Sandra
      +5

      Well, myrrh is an aromatic resin from tree bark and has various food, medicinal, and cosmetics uses. Tradition has it that it was among the gifts the Magi offered to the infant Jesus.

      All that said, it IS a silly way to spell a perfectly lovely name. I don’t care for weird spellings at all.

      • CakesOnAPlane
        +15

        re: Myrrhanda Jones: “I couldn’t help but wonder: is this the love child of my friends Samantha and Miranda, who then decided to spice things up with an exotic spelling?”

    • Esme
      +8

      Really! What is with these lunatics coming up with these “unique” spelling (I know of someone named “Jaxxon” !!)? She probably had a horrible 20 years living with that moniker. And it looks hideous in print. Everyone one knows that myrrh was one of the gifts of the Magi, but who the heck wants to be named after it? (I guess it’s better than “Frankincensette”).

      • meggiemoo
        +2

        It makes me feel like when you say her name, you really need to roll the Rs…MyRRhanda…

      •  Rebecca
        +1

        I actually met a woman whose name was Yuneek. No joke. Still haven’t gotten over that one.

  9. A. Beaverhausen
    +45

    Myrrhanda Jones and Peter Sarsgaarrrrd need to get together, at least for Talk Like a Pirate Day. Somebody please make that happen!

  10. Kristen from MA
    +15

    All 5 finalists were brunettes? Has that ever happened before?

  11. Magatha
    +3

    Love photo No. 8. I’ll be in my bunk.

  12. Sajorina
    0

    I liked this slideshow so much better than a regular one with all the fug or fab evening gowns… It was much more enjoyable and laugh out loud inducing! By the way, Miss Florida Myrrhanda Jones should’ve taken care of the obvious camel toe before the torn ACL brace! That was unforgivable!

  13.  HelenBackAgain
    +7

    I guess it was inevitable there’d be visible tattoos entering the pageant circuit, but did they have to be such bad tattoos? Crudely drawn, no colors, placed unflatteringly on her body, and utterly uncreative material; there’s nothing good there.

    Recently I met a young woman who has a collection of stunning, life-like animals tattooed on her; she’s nearly covered in them from the neck down. They are absolutely gorgeous, beautifully drawn examples of real art in tattooing, and full of wonderfully saturated colors, especially the tiger and the carp (co-existing improbably peacefully on the same arm). Why couldn’t these be beautiful too, if the girl’s going to show them to the world?

  14. Sue
    +5

    When Miss NY started her Bollywood dance I thought “uh oh”. But it was great and athletic and she was beautiful. That took talent. Glad she won.

  15. Julie M
    +5

    What exactly was Miss Florida’s talent that it resulted in a MCL/ACL tear while wearing a camel-toe bikini?

    • Bonnie Klein
      +9

      Baton twirling. I could not have made that up. Alas, no fire batons.

      • Julie M
        +9

        No fire batons!?! Suzanne Sugarbaker would be so horrified.

        • Bluebonnets on it
          +12

          And that, Marjorie, so that you will know, and your children will someday know, was The Night the Lights Went OUT.IN.GEORGIA.
          Ah, Sugarbaker quotes for all occasions.

  16. Jules
    +2

    I am also sorry that you don’t have all the pictures.
    But you didn’t always have all the pictures.

    The commentary is what keeps me coming back!

  17. Lerie
    +8

    Ugh, that photo of the talent section with the Swan Lake variation. No….just, no. I am a professional ballet dancer, and while I certainly have never been a ballet star by any means and never will be, I can take just one look at that pic and see that it must have been pretty bad. lol The arms alone! Now I want to find the video of it! :) ok, bitchy comment ending now.

    •  HelenBackAgain
      +7

      Anybody who can survive as a professional ballet dancer is a star as far as I’m concerned.

    • Claire1
      +2

      Lerie, I went to a FAME school…and have run so many follow spots/lights/sound boards over the years that I took one look at her arms and thought ” OMG NO NO NO”…..

    • Bambi Anne Dear
      +2

      I simply cannot wait for it to hit YouTube. I think it might be The Dying Swan…..yes, old prof dancer here too and the little I can see of her feet is not promising…. scratch!!!

  18. debra
    +2

    geez Miss Florida…your talent should have been how not to show the world your business in your bathing suit…and while the winner was pretty i dont think much of a girl who had bulimia saying another girl had a fat ass…maybe time to put this old pageant out to pasture

  19. Esme
    +2

    I love the girl in the pale blue gown in the last picture, reaching out her arms to . . . someone?

  20. Claire1
    +1

    As for Miss Florida’s “business”……
    Some girls are just a little more……. cushion-y down there….

    •  HelenBackAgain
      +1

      Yeah, I don’t know what she’s supposed to do about it. They’re made to wear bathing suits; it isn’t a free choice.

  21. Andrew S.
    0

    If you haven’t already, be sure to check out Miss America’s performance to ‘Dhoom Taana’ on youtube –

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh_0PzIsv5g

    it’s really lovely