“Hola, killers. Think twice before you go squish to the spider on your bathroom tub. When you see it with its tiny ocho piernas, you stop and you think of JENNIFER LOPEZ. And then you will let it live. Because I am about love, lovers. Love and Love? and LOVERS. VIVA EL SPIDER! You will not just let it live, you will let it live la vida loca. You will let it live in your bedroom. You will name it Jennifer Lopez. You will give it clothes and a weave and eight tiny Louboutins and you will let it cover you in webs and throw cocktail parties where it serves martinis out of thimbles and you will say to yourselves, ‘Ay, this spider is touched by an angel,’ and then I will fly out of the sky and kiss your head and you will not get termites.
“Or, kill it. Whatever! I will not be wearing this tomorrow. Besos!”