So, remember that time I told Man-Paris that he was like a dead fish in the sack? [I think it was Man-Paris... or was it Nick Carter? Or Aaron Carter? Or Stabby Nachos? Or Travis Barker? Or Britney Spears? Or Andy Roddick? Or that other dude I was engaged to that time? Or was it the guy I met at the thing, with the stuff?... No, I think it was Man-Paris.] And he was all, “Oh yeah, well you’re about as smart as one,” and I was all, “Duh, brains make you FAT, they are ALL CARBS,” and he goes, “Oh my God, you aren’t even making any sense,” and I go, “Sense gives you ACNE,” and he threw a wastebasket at me and told me to crawl back into it where I belong, and I was all, “Well at least I don’t have a failed solo career after my lame boy band broke up,” and he was like, “Holy shit, Paris, that’s your ex boyfriend — do you even remember my name?” And I was all, “Duh, Nick, I’m not that stupid, it’s not like ‘Nick’ is that hard to remember,” and then he told me to go do something dirty to the Eiffel Tower and I was like, “OH YEAH? MAYBE I WILL,” and he was all, “Yeah, it’s Paris-on-Paris,” and then I totally looked at him and was all, “Dude, you’re looking totally fine all of a sudden,” and then we had sex? And he was like a dead fish in the sack so I told him so again? And he was like, “How would you know, anyway?”
Well… not that Nick Man-Paris will ever read this, but let’s just say that I KNOW.
Heeee! But I really shouldn’t say anything more, Diary. It’s tough when you’re dating a new guy and he sees his name in the press. So, toodles! I have to go buy more makeup. I used up all the eyeshadow I own on this one day in Sydney — it’s totally 2007 to paint yourself two black eyes and I want to be the first.