Fugger of the Bride

I realized tonight that I kind of wish Brad Paisley’s shtick was to wear paisley everywhere. Mostly because paisley gets no action anymore. I have a soft spot for paisley ever since one of the small spare rooms in the house of my youth had gray paisley wallpaper and, I think, matching curtains. It came that way when we bought it, and it was the lowest priority for redecorating because its only purpose was to hold a superfluous twin bed and a telephone, so it was a glorified phone booth, and we called it The Paisley Room and it stuck and so we could never have re-papered it because The Paisley Room by any other name would not be as fun unless it was an ACTUAL phone booth. (Except we had one of those, too, one of the old red English ones that are so awesome. It was in the backyard. I have no idea how or why the previous owners had it, but I wish we’d taken it with us when we left. Apparently that’s not terribly practical, but aside from being bitchin’, it would make the GREATEST time-out shed for the twins.)

Anyway, now that I have thoroughly bored the paisley out of you with my anecdotes, here are the Paisleys:

That is demonstrably NOT paisley. It is also hilarious. And as for Kimberly, it amuses the hell out of me that she vamped up her dress with some elbow gloves. They look like she is planning to cat-burgle someone at a gala while he hides in the bushes and uses his shoes to reflect warning lights up to her through the window, because he’s old-school and a text message is just too easy.

[Photo: Getty]



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Comments (31):

  1. What what

    Hold everything. I mean… Why… Is… is that a velvet camo blazer?

    p.s. His belt is paisley!

    • Anne B

      CAMO SUIT JACKET IS NOOOOOOOO. In pretty much any fabric, but especially velvet.

      • Fuh Ugh

        Definitely a paisley belt! He looks like the undead here. I wonder if he is auditioning for the next Twilight movie? Apparently he needs to feed, because his irises are black.

      • ChristopherD

        OMG I would TOTALLY wear that Jacket, and that belt, and I would rock the H*LL out of it!
        Brad you can send me the Jacket & belt when you’re done (despite the fact I wouldn’t know your music if it hit me.)
        I would not however wear boots that look like they have cut outs, or be with a woman who has a sock puppet on her arm. (Or look like I’m from some vampire show.)

  2. What what

    p.p.s. Is that a pocket her hand is shoved into, or do those gloves have no fingers? They kind of look like knit arm warmers. I’m confused here.

    • sally

      Awesome! It is a little black velvety pocket in a very strange place.

      This picture slays me.

    • Molly

      Yeah, that’s what I thought, too! (Knit arm warmers, that is.)

      Seriously, looking at the two of them, I feel a need to put on a sweater because it must be chilly where they are.

  3. Jamie

    Oh my god, his belt *is* paisley. That is fantastic. His jacket, however is not. I’m not even going to address the monstrosity that Kimberly is wearing, but it’s disturbing that her slouchy arm-socks are probably the best part.

  4. Carolina Girl

    Mary, sweet mother of grilled cheese sandwiches! Where does one even find a velvet camo blazer?? And a paisley belt?? And are we even sure that those are elbow length gloves?? They look more like leg warmers that she put on her arms.

    I have so many questions

  5. LoriK

    Well, at least they’re united in their Fug. The couple that goes out looking like crap together, stays together. Right?

  6. theotherjennifer

    where is his hat? he always has a cowboy hat on and it makes him about 1000 times cuter. and he looks like he’s on tip toe in those boots…she is cute but those arm warmers look like those mitten/glove combo where you can fold the top over your fingers. with her sleeveless sheath – say what?

  7. vandalfan

    They could be the king and queen of the Future Farmers of America Harvest Hoedown in a small town in the Great Basin in 1989. It’s the cowboy boots, the formal t-shirt , the arm warmers, and the entirely homemade quality of her velvet trim.

  8. Jasmine

    The ONLY thing I am okay with in this photo is his paisley belt. I would pay ridiculous amounts of money for a paisley belt because I, like you Heather, have a total soft spot for paisley. (paisley paisley paisley paisley what a weird word, right?)

    Her shoes are cute too. Everything else though…. no.

  9. SeaKat

    God help me for knowing this but Brad Paisley has a fairly recent song called “Camouflage”. In this song, the protagonist and his prom date wear matching outfits (tux and prom dress) made out of fabric in said pattern.

    It’s thematic, is what I’m saying.

    • Kimberli House

      Were they going hunting after the prom? I’m genuinely intrigued.

      • SeaKat

        Well, it starts out with a kid in school that the singer didn’t think was cool (yes, he rhymes “cool” and “school”) until the car owner paints his car in camouflauge.

        And then it moves to the singer talking about his prom dates’ mom making matching camouflage ensembles for the prom. And how in the pictures they disappeared except for their faces and the floating corsage (because– camouflage!).

        And then he talks about how flying the confederate flag is no longer ok and that he understands why that would be the case. But by wearing camouflage, a person can show their Southern pride.

        The whole thing was hilariously surreal, which is why it caught my attention and why I remember it!

  10. Miranda

    Can someone please open a bar called The Paisley Room? Can they retroactively do it decades ago so it has a pedigree, and can they do it in London?

  11. Jacquilynne

    I can only assume that this is the first time in history camo and paisley have featured in the same outfit.

    With any luck, it will be the last.

  12. Libby

    They’re both so darn cute you almost forgive them for this mess. At least he paired the jacket with a black T and pants. And arm sock aside, Kimberly’s dress might be decent (if only we had a full frontal view).

  13. Francesca

    Somehow, “Support Our Troops” was misconstrued to mean velveteen camo jacket. Oh. So. Wrong.

  14. KK

    He should just stick to wearing the jeans he has on in the “Remind Me” video. He and Carrie Underwood both look SO HOT in it. All the do is walk, and I’ve watched it like 9 million times.

  15. Cortney

    I don’t know what that dress is made of, but in the photo she looks badly pixelated. I mean, is that fake fur or what? Whatever it is, it’s clearly high-pile.

  16. Sajorina

    These people are weird, y’all! In my case, the paisley room was my grandparent’s bathroom, which was covered in a colorful paisley wallpaper… Oh, how I miss that room!

  17. Lina

    That is really kind of adorable. All the velvet, the paisley belt for his name, the camo print for his fanbase, the way they’re both so clearly trying AND working basically the same aesthetic AND appearing to have fun with it. I’m totally not their audience, but I’m glad they look happy.

  18. amys

    At first I thought it was flash glare, but I’m seriously thinking Mr. Paisley’s Tony Lamas are bedazzled.

  19. anny

    Camo velvet? No problem. And I can deal with her little white silk one-shouldered sheath adorned for some reason with black furry trim and spangled armwarmers/gloves/whatever.

    What puzzles me is why there is a random black pocket floating around in the hip area of her skirt. Unless it actually IS the flip-top of her glove sewn on there.

    … I’m very puzzled.

  20. jenny

    Did they beam there from the early 90s? They look like they just walked off the set of Friends, facial hair and all.

  21. maryse

    at least he’s not wearing a stupid cowboy hat. god i’m so sick of that look.

  22. Ann

    Those are some kind of lifts he’s got in those shoes.

    • Sandra

      Um, maybe. Could just be the Cuban riding heel on his boots. Pretty standard on that kind of footwear.