Fuggas Buyers Club

Jess and I were discussing La Garner the other day, because we both wish she’d come back to TV. Her movie projects, with the exception of 13 Going on 30, have not been kind to her, but she does have interesting taste in smaller roles (Juno) so surely she could find an episodic project that lets her be a hands-on mom and still kick some ass. Or at the very least, a very occasional guest spot on something like The Good Wife, which excels at using name actors in small but well-written recurring roles like judges, opposing attorneys, etc. Or, hell, put her on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. for an hour to kick someone in the face, for old Alias times’ sake. Essentially, I just want to see her doing more things that don’t make me roll my eyes (The Odd Life of Timothy Green).

And the same could be said for her clothes.

She never looked better than during Affleck’s awards run; the rest of the time, I don’t even know what she’s doing. This is so achingly mediocre, all blushy-nude satin that’s crinkled and crumpling around her armpits. Jessica tells me there are rumors she’s pregnant again, and if that’s true, a0 she is the most fertile person on the planet, and b) maybe this is just what fit her. But still. Jessica ALSO thinks Kerry Washington could be pregnant, and if THAT is true, then what fits HER is still better-looking than this.

In conclusion: We have no idea what is going on with anyone’s wombs, but regardless, they should be dressed better than this. In fact, just for fun, I kind of want Jennifer Garner to get a crazy edgy short haircut and start punking up her look a little bit. For spice. For variety. Think about it, Jen. Maybe it’ll work, and if it doesn’t, then maybe we’ll retroactively appreciate this more.

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (22):

  1. LoriK

    ITA. I sort of love her and I want better for her professionally and sartorially. Neither of those things should be anywhere near as hard for her as they seem to be. She’s talented and lovely and she had a great figure. How hard can it be for her to get a decent part and some clothes that look kick ass instead of half-assed?

    • julyol1972

      Right??? She just always seems to be there in body, not spirit. Like she’d rather be home with the kids instead of the RC. And though that is commendable in itself, I wish sometimes, that she’d put a little more effort into it. It’s almost like once she became a Mom, she decided it was too much work to get dressed up. Which it is, I totally get that. But when Rachel Zoe is (was???) your stylist, there is no excuse for the MMM’s (mumsy, matronly and/or mediocre)

      Career-wise, if Ben Affleck was my hubby, I’d be reading scripts for all the new, fabulous tv shows coming down the pipeline. I could totally see her as the doctor (the Toni Collette role) on the new drama Hostages. Watching her kick Dylan McDermott’s ass and take names, is a badass role that I could totally get behind.

      A return to TV totally worked for Claire Danes, why not Jennifer.

    • LoriK

      Has a great figure. Has.

      I have no idea how I ended up typing “had”. I swear it wasn’t a Freudian slip. I mean really, just look at her.

      •  HelenBackAgain

        I actually read it as “has” the first time anyway!

        The “d” and “s” ARE right next to each other. That’s an easy one to do.

  2. Elle W.

    Did you see her in Butter? She was excellent and that was a fun little movie. also, she’s pretty, but that dress is not.

  3. Annie S.

    I saw this a few days ago and had to paraphrase Regina George: That is the ugliest effing dress I’ve ever seen.

    (Okay, so a bit hyperbolic. But heavy nude satin and red lace? The hell?!)

  4. margaret

    This dress makes me think of butterscotch pudding, with a red lace tablecloth. None of that is good.

  5. AM

    See, I don’t hate the dress. I mean it isn’t my favorite I’ve ever seen, but it’s also SO FAR from the worst that I don’t get the criticism. I think she looks fine.

    • Heather

      I think it’s more that I wish she would aim higher than fine, because she has so much going for her.

  6.  HelenBackAgain

    I love the cut of this on her, and I have no objection to the fabric, it’s just that nude color. It works on so few people, and the beautiful Garner is not one of those few.

    Why couldn’t the whole thing just be red? Maybe with the background a little darker than the lace overlay. Then we’d have a nice texture play with the kind of rich, saturated colors that suit her so well. And a strappy, minimalist black shoe!

  7. Tracy

    At first glance I thought this was Rashida Jones…which in TV Life is a compliment, but in Red Carpet Life…is not.
    I think its the bangs.

  8. Kris M

    Did she get bangs again recently? Or am I out of the loop?

    I will FOREVER love her on Alias and totally agree with the sentiment that a return to some serious action TV would be awesome. Even if she’s not up for kickbox fights anymore, she could still do with more intense roles.

    I do not like this, but it’s a bit unfug it up, I think. Take away the satiny parts and just make the lace a bit longer with white underneath and it wouldn’t be quite as offensive.

  9. BrownEyedBetty

    I admire her for all sorts of reasons and I must say her makeup looks great here. I’m really sick of the nude lip but she’s pulling it off. The dress I could do without. Gotta give a shout out to Catch & Release as her best film. Better than even 13 Going on 30. Yes, I said it. It’s a really sweet love story and she did a great job in it. + Timothy Olyphant…mmm.

  10. Melissa

    Yes, this is terrible, two potentially good dresses rolled into one bad one.

  11. Sophia Loren

    Garner was hilarious in Juno, and I feel like you just put more thought into her career than she does. The dress is fug.

  12. calli

    I do so agree about the hair. Think back to those Alias days and those crazy wigs she wore so naturally. Come to think of it her outfits and the complete impact. Long legs, short skirts, and amazing hairstyles. Just a little bit of that in her current appearances. Her natural assets are A+, she doesn’t need much.

  13. Sajorina

    Ok, so this outfit doesn’t work, but DAMN she’s beautiful! And I do miss seeing her every week on my TV, but a weekly show is a big commitment and I think she just wants to work once in a while and enjoy being a mom for now!

  14. Nicole

    Funny, when I first saw the pic I thought it was Sophia Bush. Her face and skin are not aging at all! She is beautiful, and needs someone to help her dress better.

  15. Vi

    She is so very pretty and this sackcloth is doing her no favors. If she wants to stick with the Beautiful-Mom-next-door look, she can do a hella better than this!

  16. Kirst

    All I have to say about this is I love The Good Wife.

  17. Kris

    I still think she’s great. I’m re-watching all Alias seasons and I agree that she should take a similar project to kick ass again.