Fugga Malone


Just last night, I spied Contact starting on one of the movie channels and I thought, “Gosh, I wonder if this movie stinks as badly as it did when I saw it in the theater.” So I turned it on, laughed at Matthew McConaughey’s floppy hair and marked youth, marveled conversely at Jodie Foster’s apparent agelessness, and nodded sagely at the fact that my first impression of the film was correct.

But when I saw her, I also realized this was one of Jena Malone’s first movies, and had forgotten that she’s a pretty good actress who keeps herself very low-key. I began to wonder what she’s up to now.

Apparently, someone up there is listening.

Unfortunately, whatever divine intervention brought this photo to me did not provide with it any answers as to what the dickens Jena Malone is doing in this outfit. Although there are a few obvious suggestions:

1) She is preparing to offer to shine your shoes for a few shillings;

2) She is taking up street-performing, perhaps as a means of resurrecting vaudeville;

3) She’s leading the cast of Olivia Twist, an all-girl spin on the Dickens classic with plucky, tap-dancing orphans;

4) She’s preparing to play a girl at a Catholic high school who is desperate to spice up her boring polyester uniform jumper, and eventually gets thrown in detention for the skimpy wife-beater and confetti tights she employed.

5) Inspired by the film Pretty In Pink, she is attempting to live her life as a piece of performance art, blending all the main characters’ wardrobes into one confusing Duckie-Blaine-Andy superfug hybrid.

Suffice to say that none of these options make optimum use of her talent. It’s so sad that the allure of the fedora can lead a girl so far astray.

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