Initially, I thought I was going to hate this. That is my reaction to so many things. Like Twitter, or Mercy, which I secretly — and yet now, not secretly — think is kind of an okay show even though I am the only person watching. But while I am still DVRing Mercy (dude, The Beek is going to be on) and am deeply enjoying our @fuggirls Twitter feed, I still haven’t completely decided how I feel about Rihanna’s dress.

NRJ Music Awards 2010 - Outside Arrivals

It looks kind of like one dress is in the process of eating another, or as if she’s a disco mermaid who boogied into a really sticky, persistent, rare form of sea kelp. But she’s carrying it off pretty admirably — maybe some mermaids have a sticky-rare-kelp fetish — and she gets full marks for not even making me WANT to deploy a joke about bionic doilies. 

But then there’s the back:

NRJ Music Awards 2010 - Outside Arrivals

This is where the dress falls apart for me, mostly because it looks like it DID start to fall apart and someone patched it together with telephone wire. If I plug her into the wall and get low-cost, high-quality long-distance, then maybe I’ll have a different opinion. Until then, I think the back ruins whatever mojo the front was working. Don’t you hate that? It’s like when the last half of a movie makes so little sense and is so self-referential and smug and confusing that it makes you forget the first part was pleasant enough and you just want to smack Steven Soderbergh in the spectacles and demand a refund for Ocean’s Twelve