Fugary Swank

FERGIE: Hilary. You’re smiling. Why are you smiling?

HILARY: Because… should I not be?

FERGIE: Do tree stumps smile?



FERGIE: You were so close. And then look at those things.

HILARY: Oh, I suppose I see what you mean.

FERGIE: Yep. Just poking out of there like groundhogs checking the weather. That is no way to have ankles.

HILARY: Oh, like you’re one to talk.

FERGIE: At least you can see that I have legs, and a knee joint.

HILARY:  You’re awfully smug for someone who might be wearing very fancy radials.

FERGIE: Because at least I’m trying.

HILARY: Okay, genius, what should I have tried?

FERGIE: Something else. Or some hemming. Or both. If you’d told me years ago that I would be the 90210 alum who looked better on this night, I would have laughed so hard and then maybe done some more meth. But who’s laughing NOW? … Okay, still me. But differently.

HILARY: Well, if you’d told me then that between the two of us I would be the 90210 alum who had two Oscars, I’d have been like, “Yep, that makes sense,” and then called up Rob Lowe just to remind everyone that I COULD.

FERGIE: Sure thing, stumpy.

HILARY: How’d Poseidon work out, there, Stacy?

FERGIE: Point for the elf.


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Comments (39):

  1. qwertygirl

    It’s a flop as a dress but it would make a really striking tablecloth.

    • em

      I was just thinking how amazing curtains like that would look in my bedroom.

      • Francesca

        Shower curtains! As much as I bemoan celebs who think the only style of dress is micro mini, Hilary’s dress could benefit from a much shorter length. Fergie looks divine.

  2. Lina

    Fergie looks really good, considering her usual. Swank looks ridiculous.

  3. Candy

    I love Hilary’s dress, if only it was shorter. Fergie’s is just ugly AND boring to me.

  4. Claire L1

    Shorten Swanks dress,cut it in half and I could have a great blouse to wear with a pencil skirt and a FABULOUS skirt to wear with something else……. It’s just too much of a good thing.

  5. TaraMisu

    Fergie looks great, what a nice change :)

    Hilary’s dress is one of the most stumpifying I’ve ever seen… yikes.

  6. moi

    I know you’re famously anti tea-length, Heather, but that’s probably the only thing I truly like about Hilary’s dress.

    • Heather

      I don’t count it as tea length, though — it’s ankle length.

      And I’m not anti-tea length at all. I think it depends on the body. I am pro-wearing dresses that are hemmed in a way that flatters your figure the most.

  7. katdunn

    I really like Swank’s dress… the length is retro.

  8. Anna Svahn

    Hilary’s toes are doing something odd in her shoes. Hate that. And I agree, the dress is too much but would be lovely as separates.

  9. Sara

    Um…..guys? I just got on and holy orbit ad. I could barely make out Hilary among the massive orbit banners flocking the content. Its a little….offputting. I’m really, really happy you have sponsors and such but wow.

    • Heather

      If we didn’t, there would be no GFY at all, so we do as we’re told.

  10. Willow

    The most offensive thing about Swank’s outfit is that neckline and sleeves, it’s so twee and childish. And what even is that hemline? I don’t understand it.

    The print would look better on a kimono style dress.

  11. CJ

    Fergie’s hair looks good. That’s all I got.

  12. Leah

    Hmm I don’t even have orbit. I do enjoy watching that “Lola” character trip and fall over and over again in the sidebar, however.

  13. wordphreak

    Hilary’s dress already is hemmed. What it needs, is SHORTENING.

  14. corrie

    For real? I almost always agree with the Fug girls but I LOVE Hilary’s dress!!

  15. Helen

    Nevermind the clothes, look at their fingernails! Fergie is wearing just-dug-out-of-my-own-grave filthy-looking claws, and Hilary’s look like she bit them down to nothing, then slopped on some bright paint just before leaving the house in the hope it woud act as a concealant. Of course it only draws attention to them. If you’re a biter, go bare!

    When your grooming is this bad, you’re not going to look good in anything. It just isn’t possible.

    That said, I do quite hate both dresses, and their shoes aren’t helping either.

  16. Carol

    The word “pinafore” comes immediately to mind looking at Swank … it’s a dopey-looking dress … Fergie looks better than usual, so we give her points today … especially after the recent post with the palm trees in dubious positions.

  17. Jules

    If she’d gone full on 50s-style full length with that, it would have been a more impressive dress. Either knee-length or floor length; stump length should never be an option.

  18. Mikki

    Hilary’s dress is kind of retro looking, but she should have added the right accessories- a nice pearl choker, and different shoes – and done her hair! That boring stick-straight hair does nothing for her at all – looks limp and blah.

  19. elle

    OK I like the feminine silhouette of Swank’s hanky, and I don’t think we need to see legs to know they are there. This length reminds me of a hundred years ago when gentlemen hoped to catch a glimpse of a lady’s ankle and I like that counterpoint to our overexposed times.

    • Heather

      I just think it makes her look short. I’d like it much better in a tea length.

  20. Sandra

    I like Hillary’s dress too. Different shoes and a more polished hair style would improve the complete package. I think it’s the long straight hair that’s making this look too young for her.

  21. Jehn

    I feel like I need to point out how damn pretty Fergie looks here! I often think how tired and unlike her age she looks, but she just looks so gorgeous here. I covet her hair, but that’s not new, that always looks great.

    • Claire L1

      I agree with you. her skin and make up are flawless…her hair so so pretty.

  22. Andrew S.

    lop a foot off of Fergie’s dress to make it cocktail/mini length and she’d be stunning. Hmm… maybe Hilary’s too.

  23. Shiitake

    Swank’s dress won’t work no matter the alteration. Fergie’s could be shorter.

  24. vandalfan

    Hillary looks like a chess piece.

  25. Sajorina

    I think they both look GREAT! I love Fergie’s dress & styling! Plus, her hair has never looked better! And, I adore Hilary’s retro dress in a beautiful print that I’d love to upholster a headboard with! Plus, I think her styling is impeccable! All around FAB!!!

  26. Natalie

    Fergie’s dress would be better without the netting on the bottom and Hilary, I think her hair looks really childish behind her ears. Maybe an updo, or just falling over her shoulders, not behind her back.

  27. Cranky Old Batt

    Something about a queen from a deck of cards.

  28. EmmaWoodhouse

    First comment ever, although I have read and loved this blog for a LOOOONNGGG time :D
    Just couldn’t resist–LOL @ the LOTR reference. :D LOTR + Fashion = major awesomeness.
    P.S. Would’ve loved Hilary’s dress if longer, Fergie’s would’ve been a step up from usual if shorter.

  29. Anna

    I feel as though they are both wearing armor dresses.