Fugary Swank


FERGIE: Hilary. You’re smiling. Why are you smiling?

HILARY: Because… should I not be?

FERGIE: Do tree stumps smile?

HILARY: No.

FERGIE: WELL THEN:

FERGIE: You were so close. And then look at those things.

HILARY: Oh, I suppose I see what you mean.

FERGIE: Yep. Just poking out of there like groundhogs checking the weather. That is no way to have ankles.

HILARY: Oh, like you’re one to talk.

FERGIE: At least you can see that I have legs, and a knee joint.

HILARY:  You’re awfully smug for someone who might be wearing very fancy radials.

FERGIE: Because at least I’m trying.

HILARY: Okay, genius, what should I have tried?

FERGIE: Something else. Or some hemming. Or both. If you’d told me years ago that I would be the 90210 alum who looked better on this night, I would have laughed so hard and then maybe done some more meth. But who’s laughing NOW? … Okay, still me. But differently.

HILARY: Well, if you’d told me then that between the two of us I would be the 90210 alum who had two Oscars, I’d have been like, “Yep, that makes sense,” and then called up Rob Lowe just to remind everyone that I COULD.

FERGIE: Sure thing, stumpy.

HILARY: How’d Poseidon work out, there, Stacy?

FERGIE: Point for the elf.

 

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Comments (39):

  1. qwertygirl
    0

    It’s a flop as a dress but it would make a really striking tablecloth.

    • em
      0

      I was just thinking how amazing curtains like that would look in my bedroom.

      • Francesca
        0

        Shower curtains! As much as I bemoan celebs who think the only style of dress is micro mini, Hilary’s dress could benefit from a much shorter length. Fergie looks divine.

  2. Lina
    0

    Fergie looks really good, considering her usual. Swank looks ridiculous.

  3. Candy
    0

    I love Hilary’s dress, if only it was shorter. Fergie’s is just ugly AND boring to me.

  4. Claire L1
    0

    Shorten Swanks dress,cut it in half and I could have a great blouse to wear with a pencil skirt and a FABULOUS skirt to wear with something else……. It’s just too much of a good thing.

  5. TaraMisu
    0

    Fergie looks great, what a nice change :)

    Hilary’s dress is one of the most stumpifying I’ve ever seen… yikes.

  6. moi
    0

    I know you’re famously anti tea-length, Heather, but that’s probably the only thing I truly like about Hilary’s dress.

    • Heather
      0

      I don’t count it as tea length, though — it’s ankle length.

      And I’m not anti-tea length at all. I think it depends on the body. I am pro-wearing dresses that are hemmed in a way that flatters your figure the most.

  7. katdunn
    0

    I really like Swank’s dress… the length is retro.

  8. Anna Svahn
    0

    Hilary’s toes are doing something odd in her shoes. Hate that. And I agree, the dress is too much but would be lovely as separates.

  9. Sara
    0

    Um…..guys? I just got on and holy orbit ad. I could barely make out Hilary among the massive orbit banners flocking the content. Its a little….offputting. I’m really, really happy you have sponsors and such but wow.

    • Heather
      0

      If we didn’t, there would be no GFY at all, so we do as we’re told.

  10. Willow
    0

    The most offensive thing about Swank’s outfit is that neckline and sleeves, it’s so twee and childish. And what even is that hemline? I don’t understand it.

    The print would look better on a kimono style dress.

  11. CJ
    0

    Fergie’s hair looks good. That’s all I got.

  12. Leah
    0

    Hmm I don’t even have orbit. I do enjoy watching that “Lola” character trip and fall over and over again in the sidebar, however.

  13. wordphreak
    0

    Hilary’s dress already is hemmed. What it needs, is SHORTENING.

  14. corrie
    0

    For real? I almost always agree with the Fug girls but I LOVE Hilary’s dress!!

  15. Helen
    0

    Nevermind the clothes, look at their fingernails! Fergie is wearing just-dug-out-of-my-own-grave filthy-looking claws, and Hilary’s look like she bit them down to nothing, then slopped on some bright paint just before leaving the house in the hope it woud act as a concealant. Of course it only draws attention to them. If you’re a biter, go bare!

    When your grooming is this bad, you’re not going to look good in anything. It just isn’t possible.

    That said, I do quite hate both dresses, and their shoes aren’t helping either.

  16. Carol
    0

    The word “pinafore” comes immediately to mind looking at Swank … it’s a dopey-looking dress … Fergie looks better than usual, so we give her points today … especially after the recent post with the palm trees in dubious positions.

  17. Jules
    0

    If she’d gone full on 50s-style full length with that, it would have been a more impressive dress. Either knee-length or floor length; stump length should never be an option.

  18. Mikki
    0

    Hilary’s dress is kind of retro looking, but she should have added the right accessories- a nice pearl choker, and different shoes – and done her hair! That boring stick-straight hair does nothing for her at all – looks limp and blah.

  19. elle
    0

    OK I like the feminine silhouette of Swank’s hanky, and I don’t think we need to see legs to know they are there. This length reminds me of a hundred years ago when gentlemen hoped to catch a glimpse of a lady’s ankle and I like that counterpoint to our overexposed times.

    • Heather
      0

      I just think it makes her look short. I’d like it much better in a tea length.

  20. Sandra
    0

    I like Hillary’s dress too. Different shoes and a more polished hair style would improve the complete package. I think it’s the long straight hair that’s making this look too young for her.

  21. Jehn
    0

    I feel like I need to point out how damn pretty Fergie looks here! I often think how tired and unlike her age she looks, but she just looks so gorgeous here. I covet her hair, but that’s not new, that always looks great.

    • Claire L1
      0

      I agree with you. her skin and make up are flawless…her hair so so pretty.

  22. Andrew S.
    0

    lop a foot off of Fergie’s dress to make it cocktail/mini length and she’d be stunning. Hmm… maybe Hilary’s too.

  23. Shiitake
    0

    Swank’s dress won’t work no matter the alteration. Fergie’s could be shorter.

  24. vandalfan
    0

    Hillary looks like a chess piece.

  25. Sajorina
    0

    I think they both look GREAT! I love Fergie’s dress & styling! Plus, her hair has never looked better! And, I adore Hilary’s retro dress in a beautiful print that I’d love to upholster a headboard with! Plus, I think her styling is impeccable! All around FAB!!!

  26. Natalie
    0

    Fergie’s dress would be better without the netting on the bottom and Hilary, I think her hair looks really childish behind her ears. Maybe an updo, or just falling over her shoulders, not behind her back.

  27. Cranky Old Batt
    0

    Something about a queen from a deck of cards.

  28. EmmaWoodhouse
    0

    First comment ever, although I have read and loved this blog for a LOOOONNGGG time :D
    Just couldn’t resist–LOL @ the LOTR reference. :D LOTR + Fashion = major awesomeness.
    P.S. Would’ve loved Hilary’s dress if longer, Fergie’s would’ve been a step up from usual if shorter.

  29. Anna
    0

    I feel as though they are both wearing armor dresses.