Fug Up And Drive


Rihanna, I am flummoxed.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

Are those boot-pants — pantaboots? bootaloons? — like, the adult version of footie pajamas? Where does one acquire such an item? Is it supposed to save you time when your shoes and your pants are one and the same? How do you hang those up in your closet without the show part weighing them down and making them fall off the hanger? How do you get them cleaned? Do you weather-treat the entire thing? When you go hang out at a friend’s house and want to kick off your shoes, but can’t, do you die a little inside? When you go to someone’s home and that person asks that you kick off your shoes before entering, do you just take off the bootaloons altogether and swan around in your underwear? When you get blisters, does it take you half-an-hour to put Band-Aids on them? And does every inch of the bootaloons smell like feet, since they are essentially shoes with a crotch? Don’t you ever get afraid you’ll have to cut yourself out of them when you’re drunk and they just won’t budge?

Please advise.

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