Fug the Poster: Twilight


OH TWILIGHT. Why are you making me so happy, when I disliked the book upon which you are based so much? Part of it must be because, though I wasn’t a fan of the book, I find the whole Twilight phenomenon to be very interesting. When that many people love something, there must be SOMETHING to it. Plus, books in general are good things. The other reason might be because the movie looks like it might be TERRIBLE and therefore potentially awesome. I mean, we all know how wack the cast looked on the cover of EW, and now… this! It’s like the people who made the film read the book and got to the approximately 403,328 pages about how flawlessly gorgeous Edward (the fussy vampire boyfriend played by Robert “Cedric Diggory” Pattison here) is and looked at each other and were like, “Let’s skip that part.” AND WHY? It seems to me that the crux of the attraction of a book/movie about a super hot vampire boyfriend would be THE SUPER HOTNESS. And the other thing is that CEDRIC DIGGORY IS HOT ALREADY! It’s like they’ve DE-HOTTED HIM against ALL REASON. Like here? I mean, at least he’s not wearing Donald Trump’s hair again, but his eyes seem to be looking in different directions and I think they accidentally dug his makeup out of the zombie bin (it IS right next to the vampire one). Also, Edward is supposed to be some kind of genius — from what I can recall. Maybe he’s just had the benefits of like 100 years of schooling — but this kid looks like the meathead jock who gets turned into a zombie at the very beginning of a horror flick, and awkwardly gropes people before stumbling into a convenient open grave. And like, these two are lovers. Why does it look like this is actually the ad for a movie where an innocent girl is snatched off the streets and sold into a prostitution ring by a gang of weird pale dudes with an overly passionate attachment to hair gel? AND WHEN CAN I BUY MY TICKETS?

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