Premiere Of

JENNIFER ANISTON: I AM NOT WEARING BLACK! Someone alert the media!

GERARD BUTLER: We are FRISKY! Someone ALERT the MEDIA!!! SEXY TIMES WITH GER AND JEN!! YOU HEAR WHAT I’M SAYING? WE’RE SEXY, AMERICA! Please see our movie, The Bounty Hunter, opening Friday, FOR MORE SEXY SAUCY SEXINESS! Our chemistry: CAN’T YOU FEEL IT EVEN HERE?

JENNIFER: Oh good lord, Gerard. You are an inveterate co-star feeler-upper and everyone knows it. We all remember how you were all over Katie Heigl last year when you did that terrible movie with her. This is just my turn.

GERARD: And doesn’t it feeeeel goooood? TAKE THIS BRAD PITT, I’M ALL UP IN HER BUSINESS! HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES? Or these apples? Or…whatever! rRRRRRRROOAAAAW!

JENNIFER: PLEASE, for the love, please don’t mention him. I just want people to STOP MENTIONING HIM. It’s been over five years Let’s stop talking about my ex.

GERARD: God. I was just trying to help. Why are you so cranky?

JENNIFER: Well, in part, because no one can see my dress.

Premiere Of

GERARD: ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

JENNIFER: Yes, thank you, I am. What do you think?

GERARD: I think I like it?

JENNIFER; You THINK?

GERARD: I dunno, it might be a little bit bed-sheet-y….?

JENNIFER: Well, I LOVE IT. I think I look so much more interesting than usual and it’s completely refreshing to see me wearing something that’s not a total SNOOZEFEST for ONCE. And the color is interesting AND it’s age-appropriate and it’s about time I mixed it up and WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANYWAY?

GERARD; Fine, fine, love. Simmer down. Don’t you know someone as SEXY AS I AM just LOVES bedsheets, anyway? Now come over here and let me man-handle you some more!