Fug the Sobfest, Fab the Man: The Dallas Funeral Episode


The credits were a spare, haunting, stripped-down version of the Dallas theme, ending in this shot of JR, which then dissolves into white. You guys, I don’t cry at stuff, but I lost it right then and there. AT THE MAIN TITLES. It was so sad that I am almost going to forgive the later accidental implication that JR doesn’t know grammar. I assume the props people were working through tears as well and so let’s all just hold each other and forget the bad times.

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Comments (33):

  1. BerriG
    0

    But when he said he was looking for Christopher’s mama, did he mean Pam or Christopher’s birth mother (Kristin?)? And was JR the only person who knew that he was Christopher’s father? Maybe that’s the secret that he told Bobby.

    • Heather
      0

      Bobby’s next line was, “Pam?!?” But you’re right — Bum never says, “Yes. Pam.” So maybe it IS Chris’s birth mother.

      • Heather
        0

        Also, JR isn’t Christopher’s father — I don’t think he’d have treated Chris so badly if he were. Per Wikipedia: ” It is determined that the documents provided by [Jeff] Faraday prove that Kristin miscarried J.R.’s baby. She then married Faraday, who fathered a prematurely-born Christopher.”

  2. Eliza Bennett
    +3

    The last line in the slideshow hit me in the gut. Sniffle.

  3. msjacqmills
    +2

    It was such an awesome episode. And, the hubs and I rewound the intro a few times…it was just so beautiful (not sound cheesy).

    My hubby watched every episode as a kid with his mom. I never watched it until this new one started. I’m telling you, this affected my husband so deeply, even I was surprised.

  4. ceecee
    +1

    Was JR a veteran? There’s a flag on his coffin.

  5. Mo
    +1

    Linda Gray just KILLED me in the scene with the bourbon. The play of emotions on her face and no dialogue. And THEN I became Patrick Duffy’s bitch. Tissues for everybody on me.

  6. melafefon
    +1

    The accent over the second “O” makes all the difference. “Colon” means the same thing in English and Spanish. “Colón” is Christopher Columbus’s last name in Spanish.

    Something similar happens with the words “año” (year) and “ano” (anus).

    • Heather
      0

      Yeah, I actually just didn’t SEE the accent. Oh well!

      • melafefon
        0

        Oh, the accent is definitely missing! I was just clarifying the reason behind the name.

  7. Tassie
    0

    Why am I JUST NOW having the realization that Christopher & Rebamela are cousins?

    • Tassie
      0

      Ew.

      • Heather
        0

        They aren’t, by blood. Christopher was adopted by Pam Barnes Ewing and Bobby. He IS a blood relative of Sue Ellen’s, though, so let’s hope they never get it on.

  8. Lynne
    +3

    I was a MESS watching this episode. A mess!

    I’m kind of loving the many faces of John Ross Ewing. The eyeball intensity thing is sort of perfect for this show.

    Does this mean we’re getting Victoria Principal back?

    • Edith
      0

      Whether they bring back Victoria Principal or Mary Crosby, it’s a win all around (though I’m hoping for PAM?!?! Just because that makes Bobby’s life more interesting.)

    • lali
      0

      If Pam does come back it doesn’t sound like she’ll be played by Victoria Principal – http://www.deadline.com/2013/03/victoria-principal-dallas-not-returning-tnt-series/

      • Heather
        0

        Also, didn’t Pam leave the show after being horribly burned? I wonder if they can pull the old soap-operatic “I had massive plastic surgery and now I don’t look like myself but TRUST ME I AM PAM” thing.

        • Heather
          0

          I just saw that the article has Victoria Principal listing it as a fatal car accident. That’s incorrect of her. Pam survived, was horribly burned, recast (I had to look all this up — they wanted to write her out without killing her and I guess VP wouldn’t do it?), and ended up being given a year to live with a “terminal disease” but never actually died. So VP is being revisionist.

  9. Lauren
    +2

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who cried like a baby at the opening credits. And at Sue Ellen drinking. And at the funeral service. And at Bobby’s end scene.

    Sniffle. What a great character. What fun to watch Larry Hagman relish playing him, too.

    • lali
      +1

      I cried at all of the same things! The opening song and Sue Ellen alone in JR’s room were the best and the worst. Heartbreaking!

      Heather – thank you for pointing out that there was an actual phonebook in JR’s room. I thought that was so weird. Ann’s hair at the service was…confusing. I’m so glad you’re able to identify the two ladies standing with Sue Ellen by the old pictures of JR. The blonde one looks so young! I was shocked when she said something along the lines of having been JR’s wife.

      • Emily
        0

        I’m going to be nerd here about the phonebook. John Ross was in the process of ransacking his room and could have tossed it on the bed. I wouldn’t be surprised if JR had a phone book. He might want to look people and businesses up during the course of his scheming and you can look things up in a phone book without it being traceable, unlike the internet.

        Ditto to IDing JR’s exes, I couldn’t put my finger on Mandy. My brain is too old and dusty.

  10. Eirwen
    +1

    Excellent recap. God I’ll miss JR. So good he had this triumphant comeback before hanging up his stetson for good.

  11. Jenny
    0

    I don’t think I ever cried so hard in my life while watching TV. I think the part that really got me was Sue Ellen reading the letter at the funeral. So many tears!

    JR Ewing, you will be sorely missed. I promise to pay my respects to you when I visit Southfork Ranch this summer…

  12. Pouncer
    +2

    Those credits were perfect. I legit wish the Emmy’s had a Best Credits award, and if they did, this episode should win the lifetime achievement award.

    They’ve managed to intrigue me enough — WHO SHOT J.R.!?!??! — that I’m going to keep watching, and I doubted that once I heard of Larry Hagman’s death.

    Oh, J.R. You were an icon.

  13. Lori
    +1

    I have never watched a single episode of Dallas (original or remix), and I still got teary going through the slideshow. The man was a legend.

  14. Lucasta
    0

    Thanks for writing this, Heather. That recap was perfect. I was also a wreck before the intro was even over – the way they did the theme song was so great. (Maybe it’s me, but I feel like that song is SO epic and perfect and such a huge part of the show itself that the funereal version was more sad/meaningful than it would have been for most shows. If that makes any sense. I was really glad when they didn’t change it much for the new version and now I am doubly glad they didn’t.)

    And I also noticed and was irritated by the “your.” I mean COME ON. But I loved everything else about the episode (except, I have taken Klonopin for anxiety before and it sure never inspired me to hook up with a crazy-eyed stepcousin in the back of a car, but whatever, at least it gave Emma something interesting to do). I LOVE LOVE LOVE how the writers have kept Pam in their back pockets until now. I hope they do recast her using Soap Opera Plastic Surgery a la Roman Brady/John Black.

  15. Vandalfan
    0

    JR, we hardly knew ye!

    And, regarding Penismobile, every time I see a guy driving a Hummer, I think, “tsk, tsk, too bad about his penis.”

    • Kristin
      0

      Likewise, I have called Corvettes “penis cars” since the eighties.

  16. MaryAnne
    0

    I am obviously hard-hearted and unfeeling, because I didn’t start crying until Sue Ellen’s speech at the grave. It was pretty much Sob Central after that, though. And I will cop to being very moved by the alternate credit sequence.

    Semi-random tangent .. since Christopher’s biological mother was Sue Ellen’s sister , I have always found it strange the way John Ross calls him “cousin” with such a sneer in his voice, like he’s being sarcastic about the relationship. They ARE cousins, just not through the Ewing DNA. (And don’t get me started on the type of people who think you have to be related by blood to be “real” family …)