Fug the Show: REVENGE FINALE OF REVENGE REVEEEENGE


Stuff we learned in the basically awesome finale of Revenge: Emily is actually Sydney Bristow, right down to the Presumed Dead Not Dead Mom, whom I can only hope will actually be played by Lena Olin as well, despite the fact that she’s too old.  Nolan is ALSO not dead — thank god, given that I am possibly secretly in love with Nolan all of a sudden. But Boring Oxy-Addled Charlotte MIGHT be dead, which would actually be AWESOME (no offense to Christa B Allen; I just like it when shows are ballsy enough to kill people off, although she is moderately more interesting now that Drugs Have Made Her Evil), because she ODed on her Oxy because SHE thinks VICTORIA is dead, because of how Victoria’s plane exploded (there is LITERALLY no way Victoria is dead, although I am pretty sure poor Amber Valleta actually get exploded). DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMA. Oh! Also, Emily’s Ninja Sensei Master let the Actual Emily out of the box he was keeping her in, or whatever, and she showed up just in time to foil Our Emily telling Jack that she’s all in love with him, and what she foiled this with was her PREGNANT BELLY DUN DUN DUN DUNNN. I have my doubts that it’s actually Jack’s baby, but we’ll find out. That poor drink-pouring fool just wants someone to love now that his 90 year old dog died. LET’S LOOK AT OUTFITS.

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Comments (40):

  1. marion
    0

    I was totally thinking about Sidney Bristow during the big fight too… girl can kick some ass !!!
    I’m sure Victoria (and her awesome wardrobe) is alive, it will take more than a plane crash to take her down !
    Victoria’s outfit in the dressing room looked familiar, hasn’t she worn it before ?

  2. Annie E
    0

    I am surprised that you think Victoria is alive. She would have had to disembark the plane before it took off… curious. I wonder why Emily said all the evidence was on the plane – since when does the FBI keep the only copy of its evidence with witnesses, especially pretty untrustworthy ones? I love this show, but I am not totally looking forward to next season; following the conspiracy up past the soapy Grayson family does not sound all that entertaining.

    • Jessica
      0

      I think she is alive because I don’t think there is anyway the show wants to — or should — go forward without Madeleine Stowe. I would bet $500 that she did not die. No self-respecting soap opera kills off its most love-to-hateable villainess in season one.

      • Heather
        0

        There is a reason they didn’t show her ON the plane when it took off, mark my words. Plus all of what Jessica said.

    • Erin
      0

      I also think she is alive — Conrad all but warned her that the plane was going to blow up. Plus, we didn’t get confirmation that the plane she was boarding and the one being set to light up like the Fourth of July were one in the same. As for always bringing down planes, perhaps The Initiative doesn’t know how to diversify its domestic terrorism plots.

      I think Emily was just caught up in the moment when she made the conclusion that all of the evidence was lost in the plane crash. It’s kinda easy to let emotion and extremes take over at that point.

      Per the producers, Fauxmanda’s baby is real. The question remains whether or not it’s Jack’s… Takeda is still trying to teach Emily that you should never let emotion interfere with REVENGE!!

      ps — I too thought that Victoria’s dresses all of a sudden got really tight over the past few episodes. Madeleine Stowe is TINY, so how does happen? If she can’t get a proper fit, there’s no hope for us regular folks.

      • Annie E
        0

        Good point, re: not getting confirmation about which plane she was boarding. Game of Thrones has totally ruined my expectations about who a show will and won’t kill off.

        • Heather
          0

          Didn’t we see the dude running away from the same plane she was preparing to board? Or did they shoot it so that it wasn’t connected?

  3. Jensa
    0

    The empty box killed me. DEAD.

    • Gigi
      0

      I know! ‘Uh, sorry, Victoria, did you find this on the registry, because I don’t remember registering for NOTHING. ‘

      There is no way Victoria Grayson is dead. Amber Valetta is toast. And I too have a strange crush on Nolan, maybe because you expect that he would have been flippant enough to have bailed on Em/Am/Syd by now, but hasn’t, bless his colorful popped collars.

  4. TaraMisu
    0

    Victoria is alive, there’s no way they would kill her off.

    I love this show, cannot wait for next season :)

  5. Natalie
    0

    Love this show even more for the Fug-caps!

    And am sooo glad Nolan is still around. Next fall, it won’t seem like Spring in the Hamptons without his quad-collar.

  6. labyrinthine
    0

    HOW GREAT was that finale? Probably in a “top 10 finales ever” list somewhere. The F+tM song during the last few scenes was beyond perfection.

    • Heather
      0

      I was a little underwhelmed by it myself — I found it a little predictable. It was well-executed, but I was never surprised.

    • mepe
      0

      I also thought it was awesome!! Loved that tied up the first season so neatly but kept us wanting more w/ the news of Em’s mom. Good stuff!! And such an improvement from the previous episode w/ the WAY TOO over dramatic dying of Sammy the dog…that hated that!

  7. Katty McNiley Ripley
    0

    I guess the writers of this episode (un?)intentionally created a homage to Alias. Let’s see:

    1) Female protagonist mother that everyone thought was dead, being actually alive? Check!
    2) Fighting for revenge in a all black ensemble in a “sci-fi looking” basement? Check!
    3) Thinking that the group that you want to get down actually is part of a MUCH bigger picture? Check!

    I don’t know if Charlote is dead, but Ashley could go know. I bet she’s getting an affair with Daniel but I can’t stand her… And Victoria dead? Never! If there is one thing that TERRIBLE Catwoman movie thaught us, is that with the right cream and surgeons your skin will become marble….That’s how she survived!

    Amber Valetta looked REALLY good in this episode. It’s like the better she’s looking, the closer she is to her dead (see also: the episode where she fell of the balcony…)

  8. newgyptian
    0

    How can you not loooooooooooveee Nolan? He’s delicious. As is this show in general. Can’t wait for next season.

  9. Gwen Robinson
    0

    1) I love you, Jessica, so much.
    2) I love Victoria’s coat almost as much.

  10. Aria
    0

    You want to go to Victoria’s dressing room? Heck, I want to live there! Also, I am not sure whether I loved V’s white coat or Nolan’s red pants more. I hate to see Amber Valetta die only because I do so love her wardrobe, don’t really care about her character one way or the other.

    Cannot wait for next season!

  11. Tina
    0

    I LOVE this show!!! So much juicy drama! Your recaps give it another (hilarious) dimension. Thank you.
    p.s. Nolan is the best! <3 <3 <3 etc etc.

  12. Esmom
    0

    Best recap ever. I also thought of the parallels with Sydney Bristow…the only thing missing was The Rambaldi Device (oh Alias how I miss you!). I would love to see Lena Olin in another long lost mom role. She’s the perfect combo of beautiful and badass. Is she really too old? As in older than Madeleine Stowe? Maybe some vaseline on the camera lens could remedy that, a la Cybill Shepard in Moonlighting?

    My favorite fashion moment of this episode…Nolan’s saddle shoes, seen crushing the cell phone underfoot.

    • Jessica
      0

      She’s 57; she’s clearly not BIOLOGICALLY too old, at all, and I love her and think she is beautiful. But I think she is too old for them to cast her in the part. I’d love to be proved wrong — but I also think they can’t do it because it really WOULD be too Alias.

  13. Erica
    0

    Loved Nolan’s red pants of celebration!

  14. poppy
    0

    The clothes are great, but I am seriously crushing on the sofa pillows in the first slide. Love them!

    • jaime
      0

      Those pillows (and most housewares from the show) are from Pottery Barn! Go get em!

      • Erin
        0

        I thought so! I have the crystal barware from PB and thought it looked the same!

  15. Kiran
    0

    Nolan said he was a 3 on the Kinsey scale, meaning hes bi, so best of luck to both of you, Jessica!

  16. vandalfan
    0

    I want that dressing room, too. A chandelier, oooh la la!

  17. Anita
    0

    Nolan is the best character in this!

  18. Sajorina
    0

    I would like to congratulate both the set designers and the wardrobe designers on this show… The get it right every time, especially when it comes to Grayson Manor & Nolan’s clothing ensembles! Plus, I covet Victoria’s Winter White Coat of Fabulous Awesomeness!!! LOVE! WANT!

  19. Lily
    0

    Every time revenge comes on I shake my fists and yell, “REVENGEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

    P.S I really want fauxAmanda’s baby to turn come out as Japanese.
    Now that would be a twist!

  20. Beth
    0

    My guess is Charlotte’s dead, and boring, dreadfully-coifed Jack will never happen. In certain ways, the show really does, uh, show, that it was inspired by The Count of Monte Cristo. For instance, in a lot of ways Amanda just sets people up so that their own misdoings take them down. Both may be devastated to find, though, that that doesn’t come without collateral damage.

  21. Sheri
    0

    OMG Nolan’s “don’t do anything revenge-y until I get there” line SLAYED me. Also – if I were writing the show, I would make Fauxmanda’s baby TYLER’S, in some kind of back-from-the-dead/saved-sperm type of situation. How great would that be?!

  22. Melanie
    0

    Love it. This just adds to how much I love the show.

  23. Shannon
    0

    I can’t believe you skipped over Nolan’s shoes! The man knows accessories
    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FTqaJNahFHI/T74_uiuqw7I/AAAAAAAABg4/NBlPLvOLyx0/s640/revengenolan2.jpg

  24. mepe
    0

    Dear Fug Girls,

    Who is Sydney Bistow? She is not on this show so why keep talking about her.