Fug the Show: Revenge recap, episode 309

How can we only be on the 9th episode of Revenge this season? It feels like it’s gearing up for the season finale, what with Emily’s Crazy Misguided Revenge Wedding and all, but I guess that’s merely going to be its MID-SEASON finale, which means we’re going to get another six months of… I don’t even know. 10 episodes of Emily getting her ass handed to her? That seems unlikely. I just hope someone lets Roger Bart out of jail for the nuptials.

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Comments (20):

  1. Mel S.

    NOW I remember why I quit this show in the middle of the very 1st season. I kept rooting for anyone, the Graysons, the 2 brothers who owned the bar, their dog, literally ANYONE, to out revenge Amanda/Emily. When the supposed lead character of the show makes you want to root for everyone else, you know it’s not a show you should be watching.

  2. Blair

    Can Nolan take Margaux with him ? I can see Zoe and Margaux being best friends (Citron since she is French?) I find her delightful and they both own loads of cute dresses. This needs to happen !

    • Lynne

      God, yes. Both of these characters deserve a better show.

      • Anne

        Absolutely. I was coming here to say that all I love about this show right now is: Nolan, Nolan’s clothes, Nolan’s house, Margaux and Margaux’s dresses. Both of them and their clothes would be way happier in Bluebell!

  3. Erica

    I actually decided to skip this episode, so I so thanks for letting me know that the popped collars are back!

    I just want to find out who shot Emily then I’m out.

    BTW, I’m totally missing what the title theme is this week. Help?

  4. Lizzy

    I think your assessment that none of the characters grow or change nails the reason this show has grown tired (and I no longer watch it).
    Also, almost no one ever seems to be having any fun. I can’t believe being beautiful, super-rich & living in the Hamptons could be such a downer. Why aren’t Daniel, Emily & Nolan throwing parties for just the fun of it (not fundraising) with people their own age? Why aren’t they hopping into the city for a night at the theater or an exclusive club? Why isn’t whathisface doing anything to his sad-sack townie bar to attract the Hamptons elite with their easy money? I hope everyone but Nolan dies in a misguided revengey explosion.

    • Bee Rachael Greenberg

      You know what? I couldn’t put my finger on why this show isn’t better than it is, and the assessment that none of the characters change is right on the money. They’re two-dimensional. Conrad is Satan incarnate and not even thinking he was dying changed that. Victoria is the mother from hell and no one believes her about her suspicions of Emily because this vendetta has been going on steadily for THREE YEARS now. Daniel routinely flip flops. Charlotte is a piece of furniture. Aiden is always coincidentally around to spy when The Badness goes down. Amanda-as-Emily-Thorne is just this blah-boring rich girl with no personality, and Amanda Clarke herself also has no personality beyond her Revenging. It really seems that only Nolan’s and Jack’s personas have been crafted.

    • Carolyn

      THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. The parties and extravagance are what drew me to the show in the first place. What do these characters even DO besides sit around and MOPE anymore?

  5.  Ella

    Totally agree with you about the characters never changing, other than Jack – and I’d argue, Nolan. I want to love this cheesy, soapy fashion-fest but the writing makes it SO HARD!

    Speaking of the writing, can someone remind me why Victoria hates Emily so? I mean, now we have almost three seasons of animosity that keeps feeding on itself. But was it ever established at the very beginning why she never particularly liked Emily? Was it just a matter of nobody being good enough for her precious son, or being on the lookout for potential gold-diggers?

    • Chris

      This is one of the things that bothers me the most: Victoria’s hate. She gives the flimsiest of reasons for not liking her. I would just like her to state for everyone that she doesn’t like her because she hates her smug face or something. An outburst like, “I just don’t like her, OKAY?!” would make me happy. A person can just hate another person for no good reason but trying to rationalize it for the audience is not working because I believe none of it.

  6. Blair

    Also I’m proud my Lavon Nolan ship made a recap

    • Mavis

      Oh, Nolan in Bluebell would be amazing. Although it could get awkward if Justin Hartley reprises his guest role on “The Hart of Dixie”.

      Also, Nolan’s plaid shorts (while not as great as the sailboat ones) with the double-popped collar were terrific.

  7.  Annie E

    Not as enjoyable when Gabriel Mann and Justin Hartley aren’t making out or about to make out.

  8.  menderz

    This show has become so painful. Yet I cannot stop watching it. Its like I’m afraid of missing something. (Which really all I’m missing is 40 minutes of my life every week.)

  9. H.C.

    The real Victoria would’ve struck “with regret” on her RSVP, but totally looking forward to Ems getting her comeuppance.

  10. taylor

    I wish the ‘Nolan moving to Bluebell and being best friends with Lavon’ thing would actually happen! He totally deserves a cute Southern boy and a friend who appreciates great pants.

  11. Ellen

    You’re right — Amber Valletta’s hair is super cute!

  12. Bee Rachael Greenberg

    I feel like everything with Aiden and Emily and the show painting them as these two people who are meant for each other is unnecessary, as Jack and Emily are supposed to be the end game. However, I think the Powers That Be over at “Reveng-ay” have really dropped the ball on that one because I, in my personal opinion, detect more chemistry between my coffee mug and my Keurig than Jack and Ems, but that’s just me. Honestly, I was rooting for Daniel/Emily from the start, simply because they are both pretty people and I feel like their prettiness should be meshed for always. TPTB don’t see it that way, obviously, but Josh Bowman and Emily VanCamp are much smarter than they are since they are hooking up fo’ realz and ZOMG so cute (I love when people who hail from two different countries get together; I think it’s adorable, probably because my SO is from England and I’m MURICAN through and through).

    But anyways, WTF with Lydia? “Oh yeah, the husband of my former best friend and I had an affair, then he tried to have me blown up but all is forgiven because WUV”. Nothing turns me on more than a guy who makes things EXPLODE wherever he goes. Which Conrad does. A lot. Wherever he goes, things go boom. Things just explode around him constantly. It’s like reverse spontaneous combustion.

    Also, I don’t like Sara. I just don’t. She annoys me. Daniel was over the moon for Emily, the show spent three seasons setting that up, and he suddenly encounters the girl whose SPINE HE BROKE at a bakery like 3 weeks before his wedding and she’s his lobster out of nowhere? Not. Buying. It. I know Josh Bowman is a little fed up with Daniel and I don’t blame the guy. However, I really hope TPTB don’t take his suggestions that they kill Daniel off under advisement because I needs mah eye candy. Daniel may be flip-floppy and kind of stupid at times but he’s sexy.