Fug the Show: American Idol, Hollywood Week Shenanigans


“HOLA LOVERS. This telenovela about me just got so muy interesante! Before there was dumb singing, and clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right! Now there is collapsing and sweating and vomiting, and clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right! My part is Angel of Life. No, es verdad, I save a girl’s life just by standing next to her.  I would not lie to you about my powers, lovers. Lying is for vampires and Assflecks. Lopez is for TRUTH.”

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Comments (37):

  1. Christine Christine
    0

    Holy Crap. When you do J-Lo, You. Make. Me. LAUGH. And I work in a fancy bank, I cannot be seen crying tears of laughter at my desk! It’s unprofessional!

    • Kroozle
      0

      That’s the advantage of working in a psychiatric facility – everyone just figures someone’s off their meds again

  2. TaraMisu
    0

    I don’t watch AI, but this??? This. Had. Me. Rolling. Rolling I tell you!! Rolling AND snorting!

  3. Jill
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    White pants of purity!

  4. julie
    0

    Thank you for allowing me to enjoy the craziness of Idol without having to listen to the bad music. Bless you, my Angels of Amusement.

  5. DanerKebab
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    I want to swish with sparkles of yes! I want to buy something with beaded/sparkly fringe just so I can say that!

  6. MC
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    “Topknot of judgement” is where I lost it! Never watch AI but I so enjoy these recaps :)

  7. Katie
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    I think the pictures on slides 11 and 17 are my favourite pictures of J.Lo ever. And the commentary is amazeballs, as always.

  8. Jen
    0

    this is one of your best posts, EVER.

  9. CJ
    0

    Awesome post, Heather! I don’t know how you are able to capture her to a T, but you do it oh-so well!

  10. Sara B.
    0

    I love your Lopez posts, Heather. Thanks for putting so much laughter into my days!

    • Eliza Bennett
      0

      I bow down to GFY. I stopped reading after “Forever 87″ because it couldn’t get any funnier. I was afraid I would hurt myself and need Lopez’s Pants of Purity to save me.

  11. Clarence Beeks
    0

    I agree that I lobe when you do Lopez imitations. She is SUCH a joke!

  12. Molly
    0

    Pleats of judging! HAHAHAHHHAAHAAA!! My animals are concerned for me right now. *weeplaughweep*

  13. Carol
    0

    Hogwarts choir master with the live frogs: best description of 2012 to date! I can’t decide if I like J-Lo’s Hola Lovers posts or B-spers Letters of Truth … don’t make me choose!

  14. vandalfan
    0

    Wait, what, is he sporting a BOW TIE in #15?

    Lopez is for truth- now I shall call her “La Verdada”.

  15. Sandra
    0

    Forever 87. SNORT and rotflmao!

    • Cecily
      0

      I know, I LAUGHED OUT LOUD all caps words spelled out! at Forever 87!!!

  16. CynthiaW
    0

    Your JLo makes me cry laughing – and I squee with excitement every time I see a new post. And I (not-so)secretly love her now and kind of (totally) believe that she really talks like this.

  17. roser
    0

    OMG – “I put the lamp of my kindness on the rug of her tragedy.” “Forever 87.” “Sparkles of yes.” I LOVE YOU HEATHER!!!!

  18. janey
    0

    Your J.Lo impersonation is awesome, lover. ;-)

  19. Laura S.
    0

    HOLY CRAP, this is funny! People thought I was ugly-crying at work because I was trying to hold back the laughter. Thank you for making a rather dull day a lot less boring.

  20. Caity Rose
    0

    THIS. Best update of 2012 thus far. SO MUCH YES. hahahahaha

  21. Vodka Gimlet
    0

    Pure genius!

  22. Moi
    0

    I am calling the Pulitzer committee right now and demand they create a category just to encompass your J. Lo posts. I laughed so hard I peed a sparkle of yes.

  23. Ellabella
    0

    The ‘cabinet of boobs’ thing had me gone. YOU ARE COMIC GENIUS DISTILLED!

  24. Kate
    0

    Does her hair look platinum blonde in the first picture of her wearing white to anyone else??

  25. Rosemary
    0

    Okay, now I have the hiccups. Damn you Heather!

  26. Sajorina
    0

    This post is PERFECTION! Just AWESOME!!! I loved it so much, Heather! Thank you from the bottom of mi corazón for making me laugh out loud! Now, I want to be “a dominatrix of musical wisdom” so badly, damn it!

  27. SKS
    0

    Just saying that you guys are amazing. That is all.

    Oh, and I think I like JLo MORE because of these posts, even though I completely understand that the real JLo has nothing to do with this…. But maybe she does. :O DUN DUN DUN (I have no idea what I’m saying with that, haha)

  28. Softwear
    0

    When you don’t watch the show, it’s easy to believe this is how she really talks. I mean, J.Lo *must* believe she sparkles with yes. Right? I’m sure her inner monologue sounds just like this. Which is why it works. Another awesome post Fuggirls!!

  29. Rebekah
    0

    “…and I win!”

    I’m going to start saying this on a regular basis.

  30. Lily1214
    0

    I am laughing.hilariously! I can’t stop. Whoever writes this stuff is SO funny!! I’m still laughing! I’m always absolutely sure J Lo talks like this.