Fug the Show: American Idol, From Lots to 13

Hola, lovers. No capitals today. Look at my face. That is the image of wah-waaaah. Because we went all over America and listened to sad people singing Bruno Mars and show tunes and stuff by Carrie Underpants and we STILL couldn’t come up with anyone who will ever be as beautiful as yo, or who doesn’t make me want to slap the Easy Spirits off Shirley MacLaine over there. It is going to be a long spring, lovers. This is why I wear beach towels: BOREDOM.”

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (18):

  1. Jules

    “Randy came dressed as a Swatch.” Love it!

  2. Kit

    “Cirque du SoLame” :) (I actually disagree, I love Cirque in all its forms, but that made me laugh.)

    “Waxosmith wore a chest Brazilian and some wallpaper..” This too. Thanks for doing the American Idol recaps! :)

    • GFY Heather

      I am not a big Cirque fan, though I don’t DISLIKE them, BUT I decided GFY J.Lo would think they are attention whores. ;)

  3. Robyn

    You had me at Dude Looks Like a Scabie.

  4. vandalfan

    I think her green sequined outfit and his pantalones in #4 could physically jump up and crawl over and attack each other, even if unoccupied.

  5. Kellilee

    Seriously, what is Dude Looks Like a Scabie wearing on his feet in the main pic?

  6. Jules

    Oh, and I can’t believe there’s no screen shot of Steven Tyler stripped down to his skivvies!

  7. neiges

    “Remind me to have him reburied” ahhahhh ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!!!!

  8. roser

    Hitting it out of the park as always, Heather! Dude looks like a scabie, indeed.

  9. Bambi Anne Dear

    The older woman on the left with the chiffon sleeves is so ladylike.

  10. Kimberli

    If Jennifer Lopez isn’t actually like this in person, I want no part of it.

    Splendiferously delightful post!

    • neiges

      I think that when it comes to her, Heather actually tones it down. In her head, that is what the world is like. Come on, “Jenny from the block”?! You have to be kiddin’ me. Each time I read this I am like “Ah, Heather is really nice”.

  11. Sajorina


  12. Jenn S.

    You need to Fug Christina Aguilera’s outfits on The Voice! I know she doesn’t wear as many as J.Lo, but MY GOSH. Every time they cut to her this week, I kept exclaiming about how ridiculous she looked! Some of the female contestants aren’t much better!

  13. Caity Rose

    Your Lopez narration is seriously the best.
    There is so much YES happening right now.