Fug the Poster: Lindsay Lohan

Okay, I mean, first of all, I obviously can’t wait to Fug the Fromage of this shitshow:

No offense, Lifetime: I am just assuming it’s going to be a shitshow because…Lindsay. And I basically WANT it to be a shitshow. If it’s surprisingly great, of course I will be thrilled, because I secretly would love it if LiLo would stop driving around clipping pedestrians with her Porsche and getting kicked out of hotels carrying a $46,000 magazine and PPV fee, and go back to being an actress rather than a cautionary tale. But the worst case for this movie — and for Lifetime — will be if it’s mediocre. People are going to tune in (IN DROVES, I suspect) hoping for a total scenery-chewing clusterfiasco (this blog is rated PG-13) and Lifetime wins if that happens, OR if it’s surprisingly actually good. They lose if it’s serviceable. So, Lifetime, if the movie is looking decent but not fantastic in the edit bay right now, my advice is to start throwing in all of Lindsay’s worst takes.

All that being said, I actually think this poster is kind of smart. Is it really, REALLY on the nose in attempting to compare Lindsay to Liz? Yes. Is it kind of offensive to compare Hot Ass Mess Miss Lohan to Liz Taylor, who had serious personal problems but who was ALWAYS a consummate pro at work? I am pretty sure Taylor is digging her way out of her grave with a diamond-encrusted shovel right now so that she can march into someone’s office and throw a martini into the face of the person who approved that idea. Is it eye-catching? Yes. Does Linds look serviceably Elizabeth-y? Sure. Am I chomping at the bit to set my DVR? Yes. So….well done, Lifetime. BRING IT.

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Comments (44):

  1. TonyG

    Pretty damned good make-up and hair. Good luck LiLo…you could use some.

  2. Rayanne Graff

    I like the randomosity of nouns and adjectives thrown around willy-nilly.


  3. Stefanie

    I’d be willing to bet Lindsay has this hanging in her house with “As Elisabeth Taylor” scribbled out so that list of adjectives looks like it applies to her. Each morning she gets up and reads it off as her daily mantra. How epic would the gag real for this shit be? Im giddy at the thought. And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to set my DVR.

  4. Kara

    I’mma watch the HELL out of this movie, and I want it to be bad, full-stop. I mean, yes, I want LiLo to get herself together, but this really only works if it’s a “so bad it’s good” movie like Lifetime is famous for. Like that crazy one where Kellie Martin murders Tori Spelling in a fit of rage? THAT level of bad.

    Also, this poster shows again, some more, that LiLo should not be blonde – she looks so much better with dark hair no matter what the shade.

    • Other Emily

      That’s what I was thinking — she looks so much better with darker hair. Red or very dark brown/black, both are better than blonde for her.

      I doubt I’ll be able to bring myself to watch this movie (nevermind try to persuade Hubs to get on board with it), but I am SO looking forward to Fug the Fromage. I can’t wait.

  5. jjdaddyo

    Worse than Jennifer Love Hewitt as Audrey Hepburn?

  6. Christian

    I’m sorry, but the placement of the new Lifetime logo (?) coupled with Lindsay’s pose makes it look like she’s suppressing a menstrual cramp.

    • Stefanie

      Oh god you’re right.

    • Kara

      I totally wondered why she’s holding her stomach like that – I assume it’s to show off the jewels, but she really does look like she’s dealing with abdominal pain.

    • Krusticle

      HAHAHAHAHAHA! I did think the pose was awkward, Christian, but the your observation of the red logo snaps it all in place!

      I do think that she does look like Liz here, and yes, she should go darker with her everyday hair color.

  7. Cora

    Um…. we’re supposed to watch the movie for the plot? Oh. Well, okay, I guess….. if you’re sure……

  8. Erica

    If Taylor was going to dig herself out of the grave, I think it’d be for having Lohan’s name bigger than hers!

    • Vandalfan

      Exactly. And most of the writing is in a font bigger than Lindsay’s name. I know all that is negotiated to the last iota, but the result is reflective of what Lifetime thinks is the biggest draw, which is “scandal” and “child star”.

  9. Wendy

    I don’t see Elizabeth Taylor AT ALL. Lindsay’s face has been everywhere for far too long for her to disappear into a character. (OK, the first part of that sentence doesn’t sound exactly right somehow.) This is why I don’t like too know too much about actors or see them all over the place. I want to watch a movie and forget that it’s someone playing a part. I want to believe they really are the character. I don’t think that will ever be possible with Lindsay again.

  10. TaraMisu

    I was too embarassed to say I want to see this movie, thank you Jessica for saying it first. I think it will be a train wreck but I’ve been wrong before!

    @Christian… now I can’t unsee the cramps, thanks :D :D :D

  11. Sajorina

    I think they did a great job making Lindsay look like Elizabeth Taylor and the styling is perfect! Plus, she looks healthy, which is important, and the poster itself is quite eye-catching! So, mission accomplished, Lifetime! I really expect Lindsay to be very good in it because she’s a really good actress, but I’m worried about the cast surrounding her being all Lifetime movie actors, which are usually not great! So, HELL YES I’m watching this movie and OF COURSE I’m making fun of it and enjoying you Fugging the Fromage out of it!

  12. Gal

    They can use this same poster for “Lilo, The Movie” – they just need to erase the words “provocative”, “beautiful”, “leading lady”, oh, and add the word “stolen” in front of diamonds. Win-win!!

    • mary lou bethune

      Yes! That’s funny. The ill-advised movie will be sad however. LL could never aspire to the allure , the incredible beauty, the will to survive, the well known unselfish and philanthropic acts, the mystic, the utter Elizabeth Taylor , icon of the 20th century.

    • McLisa

      Don’t forget to add the word “Vodka.”

  13. Abbey Road

    Is it also a word salad that pays NO attention to consistency in part of speech? Definitely. [PEEVE.]

    • MC859

      @abbey YES I totally agree on the word salad inconsistency.

    • Ranee Singleton

      Peeve indeed. My brain blew up just trying to read all of the inconsistency. My second grade teacher would give the word-salad an F.

      Unless the word salad is supposed to be read in groups, such as “Controversial Love Affairs”, “Provocative Scandal” etc., …………….Nah, that still won’t save it.

      But I CANNOT WAIT for the Fug the Fromage!!

  14. jen

    Liz Taylor was a “consumate professional at work”??? Please. The woman shut down production every time she got her period. Do a little research, darlings.

  15. Sin

    Am I the only one who’s bothered by the title ‘Liz & Dick’? Doesn’t it sound like Lilo could step seamlessly into the porn version of this?

  16. TonyG

    Really Lifetime…the yin yang sign as your new logo? I just barfed a little. As if… your network could ever be so important to the ebb and flow of someone’s life.

    If I were Daoist by religion or Chinese by ethnicity, I’d take great umbrage at the symbol being used by a TV network. Actually…I’m a bit upset even though I’m neither of these.

  17. Jer

    The “&” really disappears in the poster. Therefore, the poster reads like “Liz Dick” in which I think of Liz Lemon for some reason.

  18. Shoeniverse

    I adored Liz, she was my eyebrow idol and a total one off beauty, and this just stinks of car crash TV at it’s finest. Pass the popcorn!


  19. roser

    The word inconsistency makes me “stabby” as the glorious Fug Girls would say, that logo will never not look like ovulation again, and oh, I don’t even know if I can watch it. LiLo just makes me so sad these days – she doesn’t look like she’s enjoying her crazy any more.

  20. Tiffany

    FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY!!! Please, people, please do not watch this. We will only get more of Lohan, and for her sake (and ours), she needs to stop trying to be a star and work on being a decent human being. Please do not reward her for being a selfish azzhole that puts others lives in danger. You vote with your remote. If you watch this, you are voting for more Lohan. We will all suffer the consequences.

  21. bambam

    i so desperately want this to be the second coming of showgirls.

  22. Debra

    this is going to be so bad it will instantly become a Craptastic Classic! Lifetime will be running this on a daily loop and I am so excited to just witness this about to happen bad like an Irwin Allen film mess that I will probably change my cable provider to the one that has the Hopper so I can set no less than 6 dvr’s to catch all the awfulness in its limited technicolor glory…Let the Games Begin!!!

  23. Eli

    I am conflicted. I want to see this but I do not want to support Lifetime. I am boycotting them for airing a show about Bristol Palin. Bleh. (This boycott should extend to ABC, but it doesn’t, because I am weak). I guess Fug the Fromage will suffice.

    Also, UGH, LL, you are no Liz Taylor. There is no effing way you have the chutzpah to stroll into some random poker game between gunslingers in Nicaragua or somewhere, rip off your diamond earrings, throw them on the table, and utter, “These have always brought me luck” before strolling away again. Never.

  24. jean

    I don’t see Liz Taylor AT ALL. I just see Lindsay in a wig. And that’s okay because Liz Taylor doesn’t need a movie about her life for everyone to know her. It’s all up there on screen. Just rent her movies. And if you can find her General Hospital scenes on YouTube, enjoy her grandness. I love Joan Collins, but nobody beats Liz for over the top soap DIVA.

    That said, nice wig and pretty dress. Liz was always costumed well until the late 1960s when fashion styles failed her. A larger woman cannot wear flowing dresses without looking larger. Structure! I think of Queen Latifa and how lovely she looks in her formal wear and it’s all about structure.

  25. Lily1214

    She does NOT look like La Liz even with “copied” makeup.

  26. boston61

    It would be fun to see it if for no other reason just to see what this nasty slob looks like with a bra on.

  27. Pam

    I can’t help but pull for LiLo and hoping something amazing happens to her career. I *cannot* skip over the fact that she looks JUST like Elizabeth Taylor in this!!! I think she needs to play up on that coincidence and cash in on it!

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