Fug the Makeover: Jenna Dewan

Let’s just quickly remember what Jenna Dewan looked like the last time I saw her anywhere:

Very pretty, very recognizably the star of such luminous hilarity as Step Up (seriously, I think someone told Rachel Griffiths it was a comedy; there is no other explanation for why she decreases the volume DURING each of her lines so that they all end in a whisper), very nice skin, generally very naturally attractive.

And here’s how she looked this weekend:

That hair is NOT OKAY on her. I hope it’s a wig. Because I understand the temptation to shake things up, especially after a breakup — in this case the cancellation of The Playboy Club — but it’s never good to do something you can’t take back. And she NEEDS to take that back. I’m going to get an unjust reputation as an anti-bang-ite, which I will counter by reminding everyone how much I freaking loved Katie Holmes’s hair when she cut the banged bob, or Julia Stiles’ brief fling with fringe. But some faces look great with them and some just get dominated by them, and this to me is the latter. The makeup doesn’t help, though — the entire effect, from bangs to lips to husband in a fedora, is less like a hot commodity than a washed-up star of soft-core Skinemax that you stumbled on one night by accident when you sat on your remote, and suddenly “Magic Bullet” took on a whole new meaning.

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (45):

  1. Alison

    She looks like Bianca, Ryan Gosling’s sex doll ladyfriend from “Lars and the Real Girl.”

  2. andrea

    Plus, has she had a nose job? Her nose doesn’t seem to fit her face in that second picture. Boo! I don’t know why people keep wanting smaller noses when their faces are not small– it’s like they forget that it’s all got to match.

  3. Willow

    yeah, Boobarella springs to mind.

  4. Caroleena Stantonova

    This is a double yikes!

  5. annie

    She reminds me quite a bit of Paula Abdul here.

  6. Cassie

    She looks like a discount Charisma Carpenter. And while I adore CC, that’s probably not the best plan.

    • annabeth

      This was my thought as well, and since Charisma Carpenter is, unfortunately, already the discount Charisma Carpenter, I am not sure what that leaves for Ms. Dewan here.

  7. Susan

    All I can see is Mena Suvari meets Marie Osmond.

  8. stk

    “Anti-bang-ite”! Love a good Seinfeld reference! (Oh, and she really does not look good with dark hair.)

  9. Kara

    Did she do something to her face, like fillers or something? The bangs are bad, but her face looks off too. Wider, or something.

  10. Lina

    I’m happily anti-bang for most adult women. (Exceptions are, like, Diane Keaton, and when the whole haircut is short.) Short bangs and long hair screams 8-year-old girl to me, and juvenilizing women with sex-bomb bodies skeeves me right out. Beyond that, bangs just don’t flatter most people’s bone structure, as is illustrated really well here. But dear lord is she pretty in the first shot. At least the hair will grow and the collagen injections will absorb and vanish.

  11. Kristin

    The bangs are 100 kinds of bad, but she never seemed that attractive to me in the first place. She often looks like she has a mustache.

  12. Dominique Rodgers

    I see all the hatin’ on Jenna and that’s fine. But oh my God, how come no one has asked why her husband is practically wearing a shrug?! What on earth is with the length of that coat???

    • witjunkie

      What I want to know is why he’s pulled his hat down so far that it’s bending his ears down? He looks like Dopey.

      • Mair Mair

        When does he not look like Dopey? To borrow the NYT’s description of Taylor Lautner, “his pumped physique and flat affect bring to mind one of those friendly pizza delivery boys in a pornographic movie.”

    • ChristopherD

      Thank you. I get that he is tall, but that “suit” looks like a short… I mean FTW?
      And the hat… arn’t the Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, what have you defunct yet?

  13. Sonya

    Why are all celebs getting these thick, blunt-cut bangs in their hair? It looks good on about 1% of people who actually do it. I hate them. FUG.

  14. Emma

    Also, not all bangs are created equal. Some people insist on these extremely wide, thick bangs that are so long they get tangled in your eyelashes, and they’re sort of curved (ie. longer at the sides) as if to cover as much of the face as possible without resulting in legal blindness.

  15. GigiNYC

    Yikes, those bangs are not flattering. At all. As someone noted above, the darker hair color doesn’t suit her either–she looks like a totally different person, and not in a good way. She was so pretty before, too. Also, why is her skin so shiny? She looks like a mannequin.

  16. Mags

    Is it me, or does she look like a brunette Loni Anderson?

    • SaraK

      That was my first thought, too! Only Loni worked her bangs way better than this.

  17. shruti

    im waiting for your comments on taylor swifts new haircut

  18. vandalfan

    Wipe of 70% of the makeup, trim the hair, and sweep the bangs to one side and she’d look much better. I’m deliberately ignoring Sir Douchelord to her right in the hopes that he and all his ilk will go away.

  19. Elle

    Yeesh, those are the worst bangs I’ve ever seen in my life. Seriously, they age her by about 20 years.

  20. Cranky Old Batt

    Cheap escort. (And I am being nice by not calling her a whore. I mean, just cos a girl it so stupid that the dresses the part doesn’t mean she is actually turning tricks, yes?)


  21. Patrick

    Layoff. Although I have no idea of who she is (like most of the people you chronicle), I think she looks great, a bit like Barbi Benton in her glory–that is, Hefner– years. It’s Channing Tatum who needs help. ( But as long as he and Jamie Bell make a sequel to “The Eagle”, I don’t care how stupid his hat looks.) Again, I really don’t know who most of these people are, and don’t care to know, but the commentary can be quite funny. I only chanced upon this site because I thought it had something to do with Norman Mailer and “The Naked and the Dead”, and it was linked to the blog of a Silverlake bookstore that was mentioned in the NYT–or was it the WSJ?

  22. DressedWell

    I agree. Hair not so great.

  23. Franziska

    Why does she feel the need to squash her boobs? It makes me want to stick my finger into her cleavage.

    • neiges

      Woa, Kinky! But I get the feeling… It’s like having to stick your finger in a brand new Nivea cream jar.

  24. NYCGirl

    She definitely looks like she’s had something done to her face. And, I just have to say, I do not get his appeal at ALL.

    • Carolina Girl

      Amen, sister. On another website they call him “Charming Potato”, and while I get the Potato reference, I have NEVER found him charming.
      And that hair of hers is throwing off a definite 70′s disco queen vibe.

  25. Wade

    Ya’ll need more history in you. She looks like Barbi Benton.

  26. MelissaW

    I like the darker hair color but, as another commenter pointed out, it looks like Marie Osmond’s hair.

    And seeing her boobs all smooshed up like that makes mine hurt in sympathy.

  27. Jessica

    OMG. Baby Marie Osmond all. the. way. That is who I immediately thought of. And no one in her age group goes to the salon and says “You know what, make me look just like Marie Osmond!” Although given the before shot, she has no idea what to do with her hair. Girl, that is not it.

  28. Beth

    @Cranky Old Batt, you comment made me laugh out LOUD!!!!! It was the “Next” on it’s own line that did me in.

  29. Sarah

    She DEFINITELY reminds me of Dolly Parton here.

  30. kiki