So, Mila Kunis isn’t having the best month of covers. First she got hosed into unrecognizability by Glamour, and then two magazines in Australia chimed in to make sure the rule of threes was in effect.
At least this FACIALLY looks like Mila, although her EXPRESSION suggests that she is extremely skeptical that: a $6.50 expenditure can make her richer; that a $9.99 accessory will change her wardrobe (is the subplot of this magazine, “Never spend more than $10″?); and that sixty seconds will make her look hotter. Unless you mean hotter as in sweltering, in which case, yes, I could go outside onto Madison Avenue and achieve that in about six seconds and then spend my extra fifty-four standing in front of a box fan. Further, Mila Kunis is someone who comes off in movies like she IS the coolest girl in Hollywood, and like your dream is to get stuck in an elevator with her and Emma Stone and then become besties and go shopping together and swap saucy stories about famous boys. The girl on this cover looks bored and kind of annoyed with you, and as if she would sit down in the stalled elevator the whole time stabbing angrily at her iPhone and pretending it was getting a signal. Finally, the unflattering melange of ruffles sits on her like armor. She’s so disconnected from it, as if she just stood there and someone snapped it onto her torso, took the shots, and then lifted it off and ushered in the next thing.
However, the Cleo cover is a dream to me compared to this horror:
DO you heart Mila Kunis, InStyle? DO YOU? Actually maybe you do, because this cover looks like you hastily assembled a stand-in from a bunch of pictures of limbs and boobs, like a digital mannequin (or a digital Mannequin). Like, seriously, that thigh is SO BAD right there that I keep thinking she was actually leaning against an end table, or a person, or something, and an editor was like, “Eh, that’s boring, erase it and jam a leg up in that sucker.” Can SOMEBODY please do the proper justice to this girl? It should not be this hard. WE’VE SEEN HER. WE KNOW THIS.