There is so much to discuss here.

1) Fifteen new ways to wear jeans? I’m only aware of one: as pants. Very eager to hear how I might wear them as a bra, or on my spleen.

2) The cover line writer for InStyle seems bored. “Fall’s Amazing Shoes.” “Fall’s Five Smart Buys.” Zzz. Although I do appreciate that it’s five, and not 576.

3) Apparently one of the ten style rules to break now is, “Try not to put words under someone’s armpit.”

I think that covers it, right? Oh, well, I guess there is the minor issue of WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH HER FACE??!?Q@$?. This looks like a computerized composite of Katie Holmes, like she’s starring in one of those creepy movies like Polar Express or whatever where they try and ascribe your face to a CGI character. Or like someone else’s eyes were grafted onto Katie’s face. It reminds me of the time I had two photos of myself and a friend, from the same party, where we would’ve looked really cute in the first one if my eyes had been open — so I took my eyes from the second one and pasted them onto the first, and even though they were taken like seconds apart and we hadn’t moved positions or angles, I somehow looked like reanimated evil and my eyes resembled direct conduits to Satan’s mind grapes. I’m not saying Katie looks that nefarious here, but … I mean, she’s Katie Holmes. Surely her natural best was good enough.