Fug The Cover: Katie Holmes

There is so much to discuss here.

1) Fifteen new ways to wear jeans? I’m only aware of one: as pants. Very eager to hear how I might wear them as a bra, or on my spleen.

2) The cover line writer for InStyle seems bored. “Fall’s Amazing Shoes.” “Fall’s Five Smart Buys.” Zzz. Although I do appreciate that it’s five, and not 576.

3) Apparently one of the ten style rules to break now is, “Try not to put words under someone’s armpit.”

I think that covers it, right? Oh, well, I guess there is the minor issue of WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH HER FACE??!?Q@$?. This looks like a computerized composite of Katie Holmes, like she’s starring in one of those creepy movies like Polar Express or whatever where they try and ascribe your face to a CGI character. Or like someone else’s eyes were grafted onto Katie’s face. It reminds me of the time I had two photos of myself and a friend, from the same party, where we would’ve looked really cute in the first one if my eyes had been open — so I took my eyes from the second one and pasted them onto the first, and even though they were taken like seconds apart and we hadn’t moved positions or angles, I somehow looked like reanimated evil and my eyes resembled direct conduits to Satan’s mind grapes. I’m not saying Katie looks that nefarious here, but … I mean, she’s Katie Holmes. Surely her natural best was good enough.

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Comments (56):

  1. M

    Remember what they did to Tina Fey a few months back. InStyle has been fugging up their covers too much lately!

  2. Kate

    I think this is Michelle Bachmann photoshopped to look like Katie Holmes. Both in the sense that she is looking slightly off to the right of the camera, and that her eyes look kohl-rimmed and evil.

  3. rab

    Satan’s mind grapes… band name!

  4. vandalfan

    Is she climbing off a bicycle? No human holds themselves in that posture.

  5. Allison

    I may be just as disturbed by the fact that the dress (shirt?) looks like it’s been Photoshopped onto her, especially where it’s fuzzy over her boobs and around her left armpit. Kind of looks like Barbie arms have been attached to her body. It’s a lot like Tina Fey’s a few months ago, where half of her body is posing one way and the other half entirely differently. Excellent editing guys!

  6. G

    Never mind her face. What happened to her right leg?

  7. Debbi

    She always has that sort of half-smile, like she’s drugged, or about to barf.

  8. kimmiepooh

    Reanimated evil?? LMAOOOO, hilarious. Now that you say it, she looks like one of those dolls off of the Puppet Master movies. IDK what has been going on with magazines lately but they need to chill with the photo. The dress looks like it was put on her ala a paperdoll, and core has been obviously slimmed-I guess they did it so they could put copy in that little space. Smh

  9. TTBelle

    Is she turning into Kate Middleton?

  10. sara

    Ugh, when will they stop photoshopping people to death and start celebrating how beautiful they are naturally? Not everyone looks better as a plastic-Barbie version of themself.

  11. Lizzie

    And since when is Katie Holmes a fashion ICON?!?! This is news to me.

  12. Quentin

    How odd that the headline next to her face is “Wake Up You Look” because she looks awfully drowsy, like perhaps she’s been drugged and subjected to a Xenu devotional seminar. Just perhaps.

  13. Kate

    This is Katie trying on her Kate Middleton face.

  14. Scott

    She looks like Jaclyn Smith. Which is a plus, as far as I’m concerned.

  15. Joan Louise

    Plus, is that a top over matching bike shorts? Or did she sit down wth dress scrunched under her? Or what? WHY are we seeing thigh here??

  16. Melissa

    “Satan’s mind grapes” just got sprayed all over my computer screen.

    Also, could her body look any more Frankenstein-esque?

  17. Amy

    I agree with Kate; she’s totally channeling Middleton here…

  18. The Other Molly

    What Lizzie said.
    Katie Holmes is no fashion icon.
    If someone doesn’t de-program this girl soon, and flush all that Scientology garbage out of her brain, she is going to REALLY look like that.

  19. Garlly

    The most disturbing thing is how her torso appears to have been slenderized. Katie Holmes is a slender lady already. Photoshopping an extra inch or two off her waistline renders her inhuman-looking.

  20. Kate

    but…Kate Middleton ACTUALLY smiles

  21. Venus Flytrap Inc.

    Well…her hair looks great, I have to say.

  22. Nicole

    Two words: Crystal Gayle

  23. elizabeth

    looks like she has a crush on the duchess like the rest of us and she’s been practicing her best imitation for weeks before the shoot

  24. Willa

    I’ve got news for InStyle and Ann Taylor Loft: Katie Holmes bores the living crap out of most thinking members of your target group—25- to 45-year-olds—and no one aspires to be her. So if you’re trying to sell your magazine and/or “suburban mom” fashions, choose another “icon.”

  25. TonyG

    Don’t know what’s fake or real in terms of photoshopping, but you know what, I think she looks great here. Her face is amazing and I love the top too. As far as channeling other people, I don’t see Kate Middleton, but definitely notice some Jaclyn Smith style in the hair.

  26. Sherri

    I think she’s been photosheered. Left side photo — no balancing boobage there.

    Ya know, there have been so many photoshop shenanigans that I no longer trust cover photos.

  27. Groceries

    She looks like Carol Alt here.

    Katie Holmes has a more interesting look than Carol Alt, but only just barely. She’s been running to close to an animatronic version of Tom Cruise’s fantasy for my taste.

    Besides, since K-Mid (P-Cam?) came on the scene, anyone else named Kate is just dull. Last week I saw some news of the Cruises trying to compete with Will and Catherine, and I laughed!

  28. CH

    I’m less concerned about her face than I am with her super uneven boobs…

  29. meilsb

    Definitely channeling Kate Middleton… Jackie O… tick… Kate Duchess of Cambridge… has to be a movie role for that… right…?

  30. Liza

    I think she looks okay, actually. Like Katie Holmes, with her weird half smile. Mostly I am attempting to figure out exactly what she’s wearing and what it’s doing around the thigh area.

  31. Isabelle

    I have a subscription to that magazine and I’m very disappointed right now. She booring.

  32. Sunny

    She’s posed so awkwardly, and the dress sux!

  33. AP

    What the frack is going on here? Why don’t they just give up taking photos of people, and hire some CGI experts. Skip the extra step.

  34. anny

    Face, hell – imagine the sedation needed if they’d actually had to pose her with that dislocated shoulder and boob relocation.

  35. anon

    I can’t believe you didn’t even mention nipples!

  36. Kathryn

    Even though this cover is really awkward looking, I have to say that
    Katie’s longer hair and her recent clothing choices remind me of who she was
    before she became Mrs. Cruise. I like that she is going back to what really worked for her.

  37. anonymoose

    Awkward addled magazine covers are “the new black.”
    And all sorts of wrong.

  38. TheRealMe

    I thought it was Robin Scherbatsky on the cover, promoting the new reality-segment “Wake Up Your Style”, on her early morning breakfast show.

  39. TheRealMe

    10 style rules to break – # 2 Nautral body shape and size? No, photoshop/airbrush torso and underarms, to spark body-image complexes across its target audience.

  40. Jenna Horko

    At first, I was totally fine with her face, it was the rest of her body that was driving me nuts. But the longer I look at it, it seems like her skin tone changes along a straight line right under her eyes, so it’s as if they put the top of someone else’s head on Katie’s nose, mouth and jaw. And the top half with the eyes looks slightly Angelina Jolie-ish. But that can’t be right, can it? (Mainly because Jolie is older than Katie, and no matter how pretty she is, a mag isn’t gonna photoshop someone older on someone younger)

  41. Goguma

    “Try not to put words under someone’s armpit.”

    Genius. Fashion wisdom of the month.

  42. Pusat Tas Branded Im


  43. Victoria

    It looks like they tried to make her look like Kate Middleton, apparently because they figured we’d all buy another magazine featuring Kate Middleton. (likely true)

  44. Emily

    I don’t even think this looks so bad (though I will say the fact that they’ve whittled her waist to be the size of around two of her biceps is disturbing) For a truly horrific use of airbrushing, check out SJP on this month’s cover of Vogue…

  45. Eliza

    One of the worst photos is in the editorial. She’s got her hand over her mouth, in an attempt to look coy, I guess, but I couldn’t help thinking she looks like she’s about to be sick.

  46. alecto

    Not to dissent, but I have the magazine right in front of me and I think she looks pretty good. A little airbrushed here & there, but not madly photoshopped. And I like the dress (dress? top?) with the little unfinished edge. Plus the happy-mom nod with the ‘S’ necklace is very charming. Assuming it doesn’t stand for the other ‘S’ word in her life. I hope. Well.

  47. marcia

    Why is she dressed like a figure skater?

    Also, the font they use for her name makes it look like it says “hatie Holmes.”

  48. Erin

    Honestly, I’ve been wincing at that smile on Katie’s face since back when she was on Dawson’s Creek and trying to grow up too fast. I remember thinking, Girl, you’re trying too hard with that smile. Just smile. Or don’t. But your face is eventually going to get stuck in that sort of miserable unsatisfied sad faux-wise half smirk – AND NOW IT HAS.

    I saw a photo of her the other day with an actual real smile and she was completely adorable…

  49. staceyk

    looks like they lopped off the right side of her torso…
    i know magazines try to make stars look even skinnier than they already are on the covers, but this is SO unnatural looking. who’s job is this.. they need a replacement.

  50. Amelia

    When InStyle realized they couldn’t get Kate Middleton, they improvised by dressing up Katie Holmes in her princess party best.

  51. kerri

    she looks like kate middleton.

  52. Pumpkin3.14

    I’m glad they told me it was Katie Holmes. I might’ve guessed Demi Moore. Or any other celebrity female with long, dark hair.

  53. Jules

    All the airbrushing in the world can’t fix the basic design failures. They left the chopped off portion of hand and upper thigh on the edge, drawing the attention away from her face.

  54. Diane Campbell

    Forget channelling Kate Middleton – they photoshopped her eyes onto Katie Holmes’ face.

  55. Sajorina

    I like it! My problem is with her boobs because with the position of ther body the right one looks like it’s from Venus and the left one looks like it’s from Mars! Her face and skin look beautiful, though, and I love the fuscia!

  56. Emma

    I think she looks stunning!

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