Fug the Ad: Kim Kardashian GOLD

A scene from GFY HQ:

JESSICA: I think I’m going to write about Kim Kardashian’s HEINOUS GOLD perfume ads.

HEATHER: I hope the perfume is called Heinous Gold. I’d buy that.


The problem, of course, is that for the Kardashians to call one of Kim’s Precious Income Sources something like Heinous Gold, they’d have to have a sense of humor and when it comes to marketing Kim, they do not. I would like to say, however, for the record that I think KHLOE has a sense of humor, and I ALSO predict here and now that Khloe and Lamar will be married longer than Kim and Kris. I’d also like to say, ALSO for the record, that I am pretty sure this…thing….in this photo is not Kim Kardashian at all, but, in fact, a WAX FIGURINE of her. And, listen, I’ve often said that I want a clone — before realizing that my clone, being my clone, would argue with me about not wanting to do the ironing either — but if you’re truly going to go all the way and make a ROBOT SELF, DO NOT send the ROBOT to do your HEINOUS GOLD perfume ads. The robot makes personal appearances at which it can be silent, and sits in on business meetings. The robot CAN NOT be your public face and if you start thinking it can, you NEED A VACATION. TAKE A VACATION, KIM. TAKE A LONG, LONG VACATION. FAR AWAY. FAR AWAY FROM EVERYONE. Can I suggest THE MOON?


Leave a reply

Comments (74):

  1. jen

    “Gold…the perfume that turns you into the Stepford fame whore”

  2. Annie E

    Khloe would probably also call this product “Heinous Gold” after seeing this ad. I fail to see how presenting one’s boobs in such a way is supposed to make women want to buy your perfume.

  3. Kate

    PS Kim – if you WERE to send a robot to your ad photo shoot, make sure it is not the one with the frowny faced cleavage. And maybe spring the extra dough for the model that has the ability to fully close it’s mouth (a skill I’m not sure even you possess at this point, thanks to the magic of fillers.)

  4. Emily

    If it wasn’t for photoshop and airbrushing, I’m not sure Kim would have a career.

  5. Lesley

    I’m really trying to be positive and point out one good thing about this…..

    There are no spelling errors.

  6. LT

    I can accept that I’m not the target audience for this, but really, who is? Horny guys? If they want to smell like hair gel, pee, and desperation I’m all for it.

  7. Martha

    Completely aside from how HORRIFYING this ad is, did anyone else notice that they kind of botched their Photoshopping and took more off of the left side of her waist than the right? It makes her look weirdly uneven.

  8. AP

    Hahaha! @LT – OMG, I don’t think they thought the “golden liquid” thing through!

  9. Kary

    Honestly, who wakes up in the morning and says….yeah, I really need to smell like a Kardashian today..?


  10. Bistie Lou

    This ad makes me want to punch Kim K in the face & I am not a violent person.

  11. Molly

    Ew. Can we just all agree that they can go away now?

  12. AP

    Sorry for the repeated posts but on a side note… when I used to have my gender specification as “female” on Facebook, ads kept popping up to tell me to get on a diet so I could look like Kim Kardashian. That is when I took my gender specification off, and now all I get is ads for The Big Lebowski. Win!

  13. Chaiaiai

    Shouldn’t it be Gold..en Showers? Ugh.

  14. PeggyO

    Weird how the image in the mirror on her right (our left) looks like MIchelle Trachtenberg.

  15. LoriK

    I seriously do not understand how or why this family became a thing. I do know that if we all stop looking at them they’ll go away and I really think we need to make that happen.

    As for the ad, every single thing about it is bad. Some things are worse than others, but it’s all bad. How did that control freak mother of hers ever allow this hot mess to see the light of day?

  16. Small Dog

    Should have called it Gold Digger.

  17. Matty

    Try this at home: raise one eyebrow without creating ANY lines on your forehead. Note to photo editor: put the airbrush down.

  18. Chuckell

    Girlfriend knows how to rock the bitchface, I gotta give her that.

  19. Christian

    This fits nicely with the”Buzzworthy” column below saying Rob Kardashian called Kim a whore. SHOCKING!!!!!! But seriously, these people are tumors on our society that need to be removed pronto, starting with that fug Gold(en Showers) ad.

  20. Linda

    Can someone please explain to me why anyone in their right mind or otherwise would buy anything those no talent famewhores are associated with?

    I understand watching the reality shows, I used to watch them occasionally until they became like the real housewives, just gross people screaming at each other about made up shit.

    But actually spending money on something that these disgusting trolls are selling?

  21. Lupe

    Megan Fox syndrome?

  22. Daffodil

    Why did they photoshop her neck to look too small to support her head, especially in that reflection on the left side of the ad? And why oh WHY did they cut off her face in the right side of the ad? To show us her super-shiny phonytail?

    I wish she would just go away. And take her J.Lo-wannabe “fragrance” with her.

  23. Joyce

    Yes, please vacation on the moon. Now that there is no space program she can’t ever come back.

  24. kates

    It seems appropriate that she looks like she’s stuck in the 360 mirror from “What Not to Wear,” though. Stacy would make her holster up the girls right quick.

  25. vandalfan

    How does one tell all those K’s apart anyway? Why would you want to know such specifics? This, I assume, is an ad for breast implants.

  26. theotherjennifer

    I cannot ever imagine my husband at a perfume counter thinking to himself “boy I wish my wife smelled like a skanky Kardashian golddigging whore”, let’s get the big one!

  27. jocelyn

    It’s like Kim is on What not to Wear and they’ve put her in the dreaded 360 room of mirrors and Stacy and Clinton are like, “see how vapid and shallow you look, even from the back”

  28. Lina

    More like Fool’s Gold.

    Also, I’m completely disturbed by how her breasts are suddenly bigger than her head. They’re not usually so balloon-like. (She’s going to be even more insufferable than usual when she’s breastfeeding, isn’t she?)

  29. Leah

    So the bottle is supposed to look like a single bronzed breast? They are the exact same color.

  30. Faye

    You know, given the part of her body she’ s most famous for (derriere, not the sex-tape parts), “Heinous Gold” would be an anatomically appropriate name.

    It saddens me that I have never seen an episode of the Kardashian show, and don’t seek out gossip/news on them — in fact, quite the opposite — yet I know so much about them. Oh, America, you can do so much better. I pray for the day when someone will come along and get these trashy, garish, useless, unbred creatures out of the limelight.

  31. deee

    It’s so … disturbing.

  32. wordphreak

    Fug Kim Kardashian. Phhffft!!!

  33. Ladyblahblah

    I’m pretty sure this ad just gave me herpes.

  34. Sandra

    Good god it must hurt to haul that rack around. Especially on such a diminutive frame. Bleccch all around.

  35. Lisa K

    The more they push Kim on us the more I start to like Khloe and Koutney

  36. Evalyn

    The tag for the add is “Transcend the Ordinary”. What could be more ordinary than a fame whore peddling (anything)?
    Ditto what Faye said.
    And referring to What Not to Wear, the trouble is the Kardashians LIVE in a 360 mirror, and believe its real life.

  37. Cecily

    GO-ld AWAY.

  38. Jenn

    When are Clinton and Stacey coming into the 360 to tell her she looks like crap in that outfit?

    Clinton: Um no… what does this outfit say about you, Kim?
    Kim: That I’m classy, sassy and sexy.
    Clinton: *rolls eyes* It says, I mixed up my spray tan with gold spray paint.
    Stacey: Ever hear of a bra, Kim? Your girls are not where they’re supposed to be.
    Kim: My sisters? Those girls?
    Stacey: *sighs*

  39. Britt

    The photoshopping in this add is completely creeping me out. It seriously looks like some large animal with an appetite for famewhores to a huge bite out of her left side. Err, right side. All the mirrors have me so confused!

  40. Britt

    let me clarify, “took” a huge bite.

  41. Shannon

    My first thought the moment I scrolled down and saw this was “They used a mannequin for her ad?” It’s so bizarre, that I am at a loss for words. And yes, as was mentioned above, whatever they did to her waist is just…. wrong. Does the person running the airbrush have a secret vendetta or something?

  42. megs283

    I generally think that Kim looks very pretty, but this is just frightening… her face and boobs look plastique.

  43. mary lou bethune

    PLEASE– please ,please , no more Kardouchians. They are ridiculous- getting one’s picture taken is a job? Show them no more on your witty and delicious site. Also, no more of that Paz creature or more GEORGE.

  44. kIM

    Really? someone who got peed on in a sex tape has a perfume called “gold”.

  45. Tara

    I do think Kim is quite stunning but she really needs to learn to keep it classy.

  46. mai

    I think they blew the budget on gold spray paint for the Real Doll version of Kim. That’s the only possible explanation for why this was shot in the dressing room at Sears.

  47. fritanga

    How is will wearing Heinous Gold allow you to “transcend the ordinary?” If anything, all the Kardashians have proved to have very ordinary personalities and intelligence levels – but I suppose that’s the point behind their great success, isn’t it? “Look at us – we’re boring, superficial morons with no taste or education, but we have a bajillion dollars and lots of fame due to sex tapes, luck and great marketing! Wear Heinous Gold and maybe some of that will rub off on you too!” Americans kill me – they honestly believe that riches and fame are magically conferred upon you, and the Kardashians are their “proof.”

  48. Miranda

    Her breats are glowing. Glowing. And not in a good way.

  49. Anne B

    To be fair, this is pretty much exactly what happens after you get married:

    You turn immediately to wax and you lose your ability to smile.

    Ba-dum-bum. (cue snare drum)

    Thanks folks! Tip the filet, try the waiter!

  50. Lauren H

    I really thought this was her wax figure…..

  51. yeahandalso

    After seeing them on an interview (with Conan I think) I decided that the attractiveness of the Kardashians is inversely proportional to their personality and sense of humor.

  52. gpleigh

    Why or why is she compelled to oil and polish her breasts in all her photos. It’s just gross.

  53. jenny

    Hilarious, Jessica. I stared at this thing in confusion for a LONG time the other day. How can she possibly be taking herself so very oh very seriously?

  54. Sasha

    the funny thing is that her logo looks like the Russian letter Ж – which is the first litter of the word ЖОПА – ass, and also the letter Russians have on their female public toilets. Epic fail, Kim!

  55. Emma

    I want to buy her a really supportive bra.

  56. lc

    I now know more than I ever wanted to about her sex tape….. ugghh! I’ll pitch in for the moon vacay if she takes her whole family with her!

  57. Sajorina

    I love our Moon way too much to that to it! Please, send her to the Sun! Oh, and, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  58. NYCGirl

    Thank you, fritanga, for painting all Americans with the same brush.

  59. masaccio

    This is supposed to be teh hawt? On what planet? And for which species?

  60. Suzan

    Your eyebrows look really weird too!

  61. Christopher D

    Do straight men find this attractive? Straight women? Who is this ad aimed at? (Because I’m pretty sure sex shop mannequins don’t buy perfume!)

  62. Nancy

    i see so many young, talented and SMART women who work incredibly hard and deserve so much more … yet these kardashians, who are famous for literally doing nothing (except a skanky you tube sex tape–oh mom k, you must be so proud) are making millions and are (sadly) the role models for so many young girls who think they need to do nothing more than shop, stare endlessly in the mirror and apply makeup to make millions. omfg, what is wrong with america. puh-leeze let’s stop paying so much attention to these self absorbed idiots!

  63. Miss H

    She is now trying to sell herself as a modern Elizabeth Taylor. This and those wedding photos show that she watched Cleopatra after Liz’ passing and has taken her latest style cues from it. Hint: never imitate a goddess, Kim.

  64. Karen

    Take a long vacation, Kim. And do us all a favor and never come back.

  65. Jamee

    fritanga: Right, because there are no vapid, overprivileged, self-indulgent, self-righteous people in the rest of the world. ONLY AMERICANS, right? Does your ignorance transcend all nations besides your own, or just the US?

  66. Nicci

    she has no pupils.

  67. westwardho

    @fritanga: while you’re at it, why not throw in a few more derogatory stereotypes? i’m sure it’ll just add credibility to anything else you have to say. let’s see, canadians are boring, the french are stupid, germans are … well, kind of sexy, if michael fassbender is any indication. but wait. CURSE YOU, ADD.

  68. westwardho

    btw, THE ABOVE WAS SARCASTIC. besides, the french aren’t stupid. they’re dirty, right? i’m so bad at this.

  69. justme

    @Lina: OMG, they are bigger than her head! Part of me hopes that’s photoshop (because then it wouldn’t be real), bu tthe other part of me is horrified that anyone would want to photoshop KK’s boobs to look bigger.

  70. justme

    @fritanga: it’s not actually called Heinous Gold. It’s just called Gold. The Heinous part was a joke. And…. stop being a xenophobic dick. Please.

  71. Bilbo

    That’s funny. I was never aware that she shaves her neck before…

  72. Travis Harrison Lafferty

    All this ad needs to liven Kim up is a guest appearance by Andrew McCarthy. Worked for Kim Cattrall…

  73. Emma

    She looks half asleep and she looks like she is depressed. Poor lady that’s what happens when you have such a busy life were you make money by showing everybody how you can sing all sweaty and off of your life getting turned into a reality show. er

  74. Artist Formerly

    What’s going on with the boobs? Anyway would love to stay and chat, but… zzzzzzzzzzzzz