Okay. Let’s talk about this:
I cannot begin without noting that, you know, she’s wearing a leotard with a sheer panel in front, which…okay, listen, I don’t get why ANYONE is wearing a bodysuit on the cover of a magazine, unless they are professional gymnasts or wrestlers or ballet dancers or the CEOs of Danskin. At this point, writhing in a leotard on the cover of a magazine seems like…it’s been done. And certainly Amy Schumer’s brand does not seem like Pantsless Leotard, unless it’s for a bit. Props, however, to Marie Claire for using the word “revealing” right by her (tasteful) cleavage, and….brace yourself, but that snippy rant about pantlessless aside, I actually REALLY like this photo of her. It’s got so much personality. I thought her recent Vogue cover felt a bit stagnant — although, also, props to the Schum for landing Vogue AND Marie Claire in two months — but this one is sassy and vivacious. And, not for nothing, but I love that eye makeup on her. So, whilst I might have been muttering, “CAN’T WE TRY SOME PANTS?” were I in charge of picking the cover photo for Marie Claire this month, I’m not sure that I would have been able to resist the humor and movement in this one, either.
Marie Claire has excerpts of the interview up here, and mostly they make me want to take Amy out for a beer and yammer at her that she is awesome and funny and smart and very worthy of love. For example:
On being in love: “Being in love is the scariest thing in the world. You want to f-ing cry and scream. I can’t handle it. Every time we say good-bye, I think, This will have been a nice last week together. Or I tell myself nothing is real and he’s going to leave me and tell me he never loved me. I feel so bad for him. How exhausting it must be dating me.”
On dating Ben Hanisch: “I feel like Ben is the first guy who’s really been my boyfriend. There are guys who, if they heard me say that, would want to punch me in the face, but yeah, it’s the truth.”
On her first sexual experience: “My first sexual experience was not a good one. I didn’t think about it until I started reading my journal again. When it happened, I wrote about it almost like a throwaway. It was like, And then I looked down and realized he was inside of me. He was saying, ‘I’m so sorry’ and ‘I can’t believe I did this.'”
First of all, that virginity loss story makes me sad. Many people have less-than-ideal stories around their first sexual experiences, but that one seems like it’s toeing the line of consent (and certainly misses the mark of enthusiastic consent), and — to be exquisitely articulate about it — that’s rotten. Second: I hope this new dude is good people. I certainly relate to the feeling of WELL THIS IS GOING WELL SO SURELY IT’S ABOUT TO EXPLODE IN MY FACE but, Amy, you deserve a guy who is delighted to call himself your boyfriend and will only punch the air with joy, a la Eriq La Salle in the opening credits of ER, to get that promotion, and I hope this one is IT. Regardless, let’s order another round and discuss it.
[Cover: Marie Claire, by