Fug or Fab: Salma Hayek


I presume Salma’s personal life has improved since she married WhatsHisName — although I’m sure she didn’t really appreciate his being in that messy child support lawsuit with Linda Evangelista — but I have my doubts about her wardrobe.

You’d think being married to a man who owns parts of Gucci, YSL, and Balenciaga would mean that your dress would always fit perfectly. I mean, you’d think just being SALMA HAYEK would mean that your dress would always fit perfectly. Because you have SOMEONE to call SOMEONE ELSE and say, “can we get the next size up for Ms Hayek?” She is beyond lovely and she has a tremendous body but maybe she’s a Victoria Grayson Megafan, because this thing is just half a size too snug for my taste. The good news is that she has that face to keep her warm at night.

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Comments (46):

  1. Leah

    WOW hot body. That’s definitely the way that dress is supposed to fit.

    • Sandra

      Do you really think so? The wrinkles across the mid-section argue otherwise. The shiny shoes are awful too.

      • Leah

        Yes, I really think so.

      • funderpants

        I think so too, if just on the coattails of Kristen Stewart’s dress being lauded for fitting so perfectly and having the same creases about the midsection/hips.

  2. Glee

    Amazing dress, amazing body (and yes, that face!) – however, those skirt wrinkles detract just a tiny bit from would otherwise be perfection.

    It’s probably just from being in the car – if somebody tugged it down; she’d be fine. Now she needs to find a skirt-wrangler, STAT!

  3. hillary l.

    The last thing a large-breasted woman needs is a mock-necked anything. Seriously. Imagine the dress a half-size bigger with a square neck. The girls don’t have to be flapping in the breeze, but a little oxygen will only help.

    • ErinS

      YES! Mock-necks and turtlenecks are the enemy for large breasted women. Square necks and v-necks are the most flattering for us.

      • pidget

        I completely agree. Bodacious gals can look throttled without a bit more space at the neck. I think it’s also a bit busy on a petite torso; why over-decorate such a magnificent shape?

      • Kara

        You ain’t never lied! My grandmother (who is petite) kept giving me crew-necked sweaters at Christmas and I had to say to her, look, I so appreciate the gifts, but this does terrible things to my chestal area. V-necks for the win!

    • LG

      EXACTLY. Nothing above the collar bones is my rule, or I look like a heifer from the waist up.

  4. Kris M

    Whole size up and better neckline. It’s a little Kardashian when it’s this tight and Salma is NOT a Kardashian.

  5. Karen

    I’d say her PROFESSIONAL life needs some TLC, too: she’s making freakin’ BURGER KING commercials.

    I don’t think anything could redeem that dress, by the way. I agree with Kris M: this is Kardashian territory.

  6. llism

    There’s form-fitting, and then there’s sausage casing. This falls into the latter category. Ladies, take note: If your dress is riding up WHILE YOU’RE STANDING, then it’s too small. The shiny hose and matchy-matchy bridesmaid shoes aren’t helping the overall look.

  7. Kara

    I don’t like this at all. I don’t like this color on her, it’s too small, and the neckline and sleeves aren’t flattering. Not crazy about the sparkle placement either.

  8. Jen

    This dress is the WORST. Horrible color, cheap looking and I’m going to guess she got a BEDAZZLER for Christmas.

  9. Katie

    Ugh. Restricting herself to her husband’s brands has really not been working for her. Her clothes, since she’s married, just don’t suit her type of gorgeous.

    • Jessica

      I agree and yet how crazy it is that all of those designers have NADA for SALMA?

  10. Jules

    Mauve Monoboob Disco Ball is not a good look for her. She deserves so much better.

  11. Lisa

    Shiny nylons. SHINY NYLONS.

    • Ghanimatrix

      Yes, those nylons are all I can see. She looks like my grandma from the knees down.

  12. pmshirley

    Monoboob Disco Ball… HA!!

  13. pmshirley

    Also, with the length of the skirt and those shoes, she looks stumpy. And she is definitely not stumpy!

  14. Katie

    I hate the lower splash of sequins. Something about where they start right under her (very ample, especially in this dress) chest it what I think makes it look kardashian-esque as pointed out above. Maybe if they started an inch lower so there was a bit of separation between boobs and sparkles, it would look less trashy to me. I do really like the shoes, but not with this dress.

    • Kat

      I agree. Something about such a large amount of sequins (or rhinestones or WHATEVER) paired with that easter egg color… is this from the Lisa Frank Couture line?

  15. Christian

    Ugggggh, this all too matchy matchy, and that dress looks like a 3rd grader’s craft project.

  16. BrownEyedBetty

    The color is not doing it for her skin tone… and yes, it’s too tight. She has a great figure and lovely bust-line but I don’t find this flattering to them at all. Call it what you will: Mono-Boob, Uni-Boob… it’s too much. Not so much Fashion Forward as Fashion in Your Face.

  17. roser

    Hideous, aging, horrible neckline, way too tight, oh my god, why does she do this to herself?

  18. Helen

    With just a few tweaks, I would love this. The color is surprisingly great on her, and I am surprising myself in liking the sparkly details.

    However, I do have to agree with remarks about the neckline, the fit – just a hair too tight – and why the shiny hose? It seems like we’re seeing a lot of those and they really don’t look good on anyone. Nylons CAN be had that are practically invisible in photos! I’d also prefer the dress without the shoulder pads.

    I don’t think it’s a disaster, but it doesn’t live up to her gorgeousness either.

  19. CJ

    Dude, I can’t hate. That woman’s body is out of control. So is her face. You do you, Salma.

    • Ms.A

      Her body is amazing and so is her face.
      BUT this ensemble does not look good.

  20. Ms Poopy Von Pants

    As a fellow latina, we tend to favor the tight/bright, so I’ll give her a pass here. And I think her face gives her a pass… on everything. I do, however, have a problem with the unfortunate placement of the darts on the dress, which are making it look like her nipples are looking at her shoes.

  21. Carol

    Magician’s assistant goes to a daytime wedding

  22. Josephine

    Erg. Yeah, almost great, but tragically flawed. EITHER a very slightly larger size, or some judiciously architectural seaming in the front/bodice/chest, or a different neckline. Any one of those things would fix this, and we be in lovely, delicately-adorned, ethereally candy-hued business. As is–no.

    Also, Salma, ditch those hose. They are doing unfortunately mumsy things to your style.

  23. Cranky Old Batt

    Total crap and she looks absolutely fabulous in it.
    How the heck does that work?

  24. Bottle Ginger

    That dress was designed to make a coathanger of a model look like she has curves. As you can see, it makes a woman with actual curves look overblown.

    And I’m afraid the fleshy color is increasing the effect of exaggerating the curves, even if you grant that it suits her complexion.

  25. katkin74

    She always looks a little sausage-like to me. Like the spanx is working overtime. Just go up a size and this would be great. I could even handle the shoes.

  26. vandalfan

    The shoulder pads begin the mistakes, the sequins at the waist continue it, the color and fit continue the misery, and the shiny hose complete it. I like her shoes, but not with this.

  27. Sajorina

    This doesn’t do anything for me or her! I’ve been so disappointed by her sartorial choices lately… It’s like she’s lost her spark & looks dull in whatever she wears! She has the money, bangin’ body & connections to look fabulous 24/7, so what’s wrong? I think she needs a major overhaul & guidance by her BFF, Penelope Cruz, who looks fabulous all the time!!!

  28. Shiitake

    You are a gorgeous creature, Salma. Uber-matchy, uniboob and shiny nylons ain’t doin’ a thing for you..

  29. Joanie

    I just worry about those breasts of hers weeping glittery tears. I wonder if that’s contagious?

  30. exquisite red

    Gonna treat this like an Unfug it up! Totally different neckline – square, with thin or cap sleeves (if you really need those shoulder jewels). One size up (then tailor as needed, you’re Salma F’ing Hayek after all), so there’s no bunching. A touch shorter (Salma is short, so she can show some knee), and ditch those hose. Different shoes – why not silver? Purple is too matchy, especially if your clutch is ALSO PURPLE! Speaking of the bag, not wild about it, but ehhh.

    All that said, I still think she’s totally getting away with this.

  31. Fuh Ugh

    Sequin spangled shoulder pads. That is all.

  32. Lily1214

    No, no, no, Salma.