Fug or Fab: Johnny Depp


I already know how I feel about this; the poll is about YOU, Fug Nation. YOU.

Johnny Depp at 'The Late Show with David Letterman', New York City

For me? I just can’t. I know it’s considered sacrilege in modern times not to worship at the altar of Johnny Depp, but I got a late start with him — I grew up in the U.K. so I never saw 21 Jump Street, so he was basically starting at Edward Scissorhands with me, and while that was lovely and all, it wasn’t exactly the kind of movie that made me warm for his form. And the thing is, I’m not saying he can’t look delicious, and I’m CERTAINLY not saying he isn’t an impressive actor. But I can’t pretend that I think he’s fabulous no matter what he wears. I just can’t look at him in this outfit without thinking things like, “Really?” and “How long did it take him to get dressed in all that?” and “What’s with the crusty hanky hanging out of his pocket?” and “Sigh, the tinted shades AGAIN, Johnny, really?” and “Does hiding your light under all those gimmicks mean you are grappling with deep self-loathing and/or insecurity issues that can’t bubble to the surface because they can’t get through all your scarves?” and “I hope that’s not true because you and your family seem very happy together” and “Remember when trucker hats were all the rage? At least we’re not THERE.” And it’s true. Thank God he is not wearing a trucker hat.

And so I want Fug Nation to weigh in, honestly, about whether I really am alone in this or whether someone else out there also thinks maybe he could stand to dial it down a few notches sometimes. This is a selfish exercise. And really, so is my opinion: I mean, half the reason I want him to strip away the froof is because the man underneath IS really attractive and why can’t we see more of him? Don’t deprive the world of the pretty, Johnny. I’m not saying it’s your responsibility; just consider it a present, a little gift to thank us for seeing all three Pirates movies even though they dwindled into nonsense.

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[Photo: Splash News]

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Comments (72):

  1. val.

    What I really don’t get is the three scarves tied around his neck. One is kind of cool, two is different… but three just crosses the line, honestly.

  2. Carter @ Kitchenette

    Where’s the option for “I legitimately feel inclined to think he is hot because all the women in my family worship him, but I have yet to see why they fancy him so because he always dresses like a hobo”?

  3. Megan

    I voted the first option (because it’s so true) but he’s wearing so many layers, he looks like he’s gained 20lbs. We know you haven’t gained weight, Johnny. We know it’s the vests. We know you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.

  4. Esmerelda

    There should be an option for expressing concern over his orange coloring. It’s not a shade found in nature very often. It’s especially off putting when you look at the normal color of his hands. Lohan skin aside, his clothes are seldom the issue for me, his general disregard for personal hygiene is what makes it hard for me to see his hotness. And he does have hotness- mostly in the cheekbone area.

  5. Lynne

    This reminds me of that Friends episode when Joey put on all of Chandler’s clothes. “Could I BE wearing any more clothes?”

  6. juliannarose

    i could handle it if he had on nice trousers… but those jeans are just awful.

  7. Lisa

    How about another choice? I legitimately think he’s hot as an actor, particularly when he’s scrubbed up and somebody dresses him, but his private life “hobo-chic” attire makes him look he stopped taking his lithium.

  8. Malora

    he is hot his cloths aren’t.

  9. Katharine

    I legitimately think – he is a talented actor, and better-looking than some others who are apparently “the hottest” (Brad Pitt and George Clooney, really? yawn) but I don’t actually have a giant crush on him (I am not “warm for his form” – and seriously, I cannot ever see that phrase without bursting into snorts of laughter, so thank you). I also think that in his age, he is developing a large, and increasingly annoying, streak of Extreme Pretension, starting with his affected trans-Atlantic accent that he now cannot be troubled to drop no matter what the role, and moving into his sartorial statements. I’m a bit afraid that he is moving into a stage of “I am THE Johnny Depp! Don’t you know who I am?” and away from his earlier position as slightly weird but clearly gifted and very hard-working actor.

    Seriously, Johnny. Sit the #$@@ down for a minute.

  10. Jeanie

    Johnny Depp: Yesterday, Today, and Forever. LOVE.

  11. Andrea

    His jeans appear to be strategically sewn together to make it look like the fly is open. It’s those sorts of choices that confuse me. Who finds that attractive?

  12. CN

    Ok, I never comment but I had to agree with Lynne because that was the first thing I thought of! And considering Johnny’s quirkiness, he’s probably just wearing all of this to see the comments. Still hot underneath all that.

  13. Lisa

    It’s as though he got dressed in the dark in the homes of three complete strangers.

  14. Valerie

    Minus the 3 scarves, from the neck down he is dressed exactly like my father. So, no. From the scarves up… DUDE! LOSE THOSE DOUCHEY SHADES AND THE ASININE HAT. Seriously. It’s like I’ve turned into the old grandma sitting on the porch and shouting, “Get a haircut and stay off my lawn!”

  15. Lisa

    You left out one option on your poll: “I legitimately think he’s hot, but also think he’s decided that he IS Jack Sparrow.”

  16. witjunkie

    I was looking for the “I think he’s hot, but only when he’s wearing eyeliner” option.

    I’ll give him a pass on the layers because it looks cold there. It’s a bit boho, but that’s kinda always his style. The hat is what jacks it up for me – the pearl gray and satin band and a goofy high crown. He either needed not jeans with that hat, or the jeans and no hat or something less Gangster Goes to Mass.

  17. wakeupmaggie

    Third boxcar, midnight train
    Destination…Bangor, Maine.
    Old worn out suits and shoes,
    I don’t pay no union dues,

    I’m a man of means by no means
    King of the road.

  18. testin123

    Why is he dressed like Mickey Rourke? He looks idiotic, but for the record I would 100% approve of Mickey wearing this, I think the difference is Mickey is a giant beast of a man where as Johnny is sort of a petite little thing.

    Also I think Johnny falls into the catetgory of people who TRY SO HARD to look like the don’t care or are alternative (like Taylor Momsen) and it just reveals how much they do care about their image. Not caring is wearing a pair of levi’s and a simple white shirt, easy throw it on and go. Scarves, layering, hats, shades is trying way too hard…fail

  19. jynnan tonnix

    I actually think the outfit works on some level, until you start analyzing it. It does verge on pretentious, but for whatever reason, I feel like this is who he honestly is. And that’s not because I have a mad crush on him or anything…I admire him as an actor and as a creative force, and have enjoyed looking at him since back in the 21 Jump Street days, but he’s always been too pretty to actually lust over, and too weird to feel any legitimate intellectual connection with. But I’m willing to take him at face value most of the time.

  20. Bella

    I think he looks like a rather self-absorbed, pompous @ss.

  21. annie boomer

    My boyfriend and I watched this live and we both commented on the sheer bulk of clothing that Sir Depp has donned. We finally decided that he takes a little tid-bit from each character he has played and makes it a part of his persona, clothing-wise.

  22. Jill

    I think Johnny, Brad Pitt, and Jared Leto all attended the same conference on “How To Fight the Hot”

  23. Tara

    I think he’s hot when dressed like something resembling a normal person, but this sort of getup just kills it for me. Furthermore, while I do find him legitimately attractive, I do not think he’s ALL THAT. I’d also like to register a complaint against that facial hair. Hate.

  24. Janice Second

    That is a total Mickey Rourke outfit.

  25. Hannah

    Oh no, someone cracked out the date rapist jeans. Those simply are not flattering on any man – tall, short, fat, thin, they make everyone look like they have dumpy tree-trunk legs and massive thighs. I would also like to register my dissatisfaction with the double denim combo of shirt and jeans. What happened to the rest of the suit that jacket belongs to? I would have been quite happy with that and a dark blue shirt. It would still have been ugly as hell, but at least that’s an upgrade from ‘abhorrent’ to ‘tolerable’. I might even have let him keep the hat and ONE scarf, if he asked very nicely.

  26. jessicookie

    Okay, so the jeans are distressed, I get it… but why does it look like they started as capris and then had extra denim attached to make them full-length?!

  27. Kate

    So, I love Johnny Depp… But do his hands look kind of scary small in this picture? Is it possible I’ve just never noticed his tiny hands? Or is it just the pic? Because tiny hands on men is a dealbreaker, and I’d hate to have to break it off with Johnny. Here’s hoping it’s an optical illusion.

    To the outfit! If I just look at it really fast, I can dig it. Breaking it down, definitely not. Things I think would fix this:

    1) Better jeans. These are ugly and make him look a little chubby and low rent.
    2) A nice collared shirt with a fun pattern/stripe instead of this hacked off denim thing.
    3) Remove the weird crunchy looking hanky thing from pocket.

    Then I think this is immediately better. And he’s obviously put some work into this outfit (so many layers!) so why not wear some decent jeans and a nice shirt under it all?

    I can live with the rest and actually kind of like the whole look minus the pretty major changes I’ve recommended.

    Also, somebody please help me out with his tiny hands! Illusion or real?!

  28. Roy

    He really does “fight the hot”, doesn’t he?

    The jeans. ai. the jeans. Really, there are so many things here I like on a man: a hat, a plaid jacket, jeans, a scarf, but all of these items need reformatting, if you will. Maybe not the hat. The hat fits pretty well, and you’ve gotta have a signature piece. I’d rather it be the hat than the wacky sunglasses.

    Ditch the layers. Dress the Johnny. Not the Jack Sparrow (or whoever you’re trying to prevent being in control of your body today.)

    All my love,

  29. deema

    as soon as I read that you grew up in the U.K, I read (out loud) the entire article in an english accent, which made me completely forget about what johnny depp was wearing.

  30. Katie

    Is he getting a belly somehow or is it the patterning on his vest that’s creating the optical illusion of gut? Also, denimshirtARGH

  31. Nimble

    I find these clothes only slightly distracting and why am I not annoyed by the tinted glasses? It must be the charisma of that tiny man.

  32. M.Amanda

    It breaks my heart that he does this to himself.

    Johnny, you CAN be a serious actor, get respect, and still take pride in looking like a hot piece of ass. Please cut your hair, shave, and visit a tailor. This look is just… silly.

  33. Heather

    @Deema: Oh, how I wish I had an English accent. I think everything I say would be more pleasant if I did.

  34. Tracy L

    to “wakeupmaggie”
    You rock!

  35. Rebecca Bryan

    I think Helena Bohem Crater is really rubbing off on him.. Next thing his hair will be unbrushed and he will be living in a house on the other side of Tim Burton *sigh*

    P.s I totally wish I lived in said house!

  36. barbarena

    Poster Malora, above, said it best, I think it was a typo, but it works at face-value even better:

    “he is hot his cloths aren’t”

    Cloths, exactly,.

  37. eee

    Count me as yet another person who thought of Joey Tribbiani. “Could I BE wearing any more clothes?”

    Please, Johnny, that isn’t a challenge.

  38. Dusk

    I don’t get his Depp-th either. Too girly for my tastes. And I liked ’21 Jump Street’. This look totally epitomises ‘Wino Forever’…

  39. Jessie

    It’s never a good thing when you can be mistaken for Mickey Rourke at a distance…

  40. atz

    Johnny Depp is very attractive in movies, but the guy in the picture seems pretentious and smarmy. And insecure, as if he’s all “Look at me, I’m too good to need your attention!”

    It’s one thing to be a slob, it’s another to wear 4 ascots like you’re way too cool for fashion. I don’t mind slobbery, but this hobo-chic look that must take 4 hours to assemble seems silly to me.

  41. SilentWoman

    Johnny Depp could fall into my closet and layer on every article of clothing that I own and I’d still hit it…HARD.

  42. Cath

    I personally think that his friendship with Helena Bonham-Carter and Tim Burton has a hand in this. That and Keith ‘Capt. Sparrow’ Richards. Just imagine, Helena and Johnny as a couple, what a closet that’d be! I think they’re secretly quirky dressing soulmates…

  43. Daisy James

    Hell, I’ll say it and I don’t even need anonymity: He’s an incredibly attractive man putting a lot of effort into looking like he doesn’t want people to think he puts any effort into his appearance. Look, I get that the whole “I don’t dress up for you because I have no vanity” thing is big with the male stars, but you don’t get to express it by going out in an outfit that took three hours to put together. (See also: Pitt, Brad; Pants, leather)

  44. Rayna

    Sigh. I LURVED him in Chocolat, Finding Neverland, Donnie Brasco, and as Capt. Jack Sparrow. But boyfriend needs a fashion intervention, stat. What y’all said.

    AND I wanted to reply to individual posters for particularly witty, LOL inducing observations, but THERE ARE TOO MANY, so, Fug Nation, you are AWESOME.

    Shine on.

  45. marcia

    In defense of the blue jeans, you can get jeans _sort of_ like them (and khakis too) from Lands’ End and that double layer at the knees is really great for making them wear so much longer on your SIX YEAR OLD BOY. I mean, I don’t really know how much time Johnny Depp spends crawling around on the floor with his matchbox cars or sliding into second base during recess kickball games, so I don’t judge.

  46. The Moonay

    I legitimately think he lost all of his hotness when he started vocally supporting Roman Polanski. Whatever, Johnny Depp. Your last couple of movies sucked anyway.

  47. Sandra

    Somebody at IMDB has been at the pipe weed again; his bio says he’s 5’10″ and that is just not true. I resisted the Depp for a long time, til somebody clued me in to his very real talent. He absolutely makes you believe in his characters. The face is just gorgeous. The cracked-out sh!t he wears is awful. I once heard someone (Jerry Seinfeld?) say that guys have it much easier than women when it comes to presenting themselves in public because all they have to be is clean. Apparently they never got that memo in Kentucky back in the day.

    I had understood him to be quite an advocate for children, but the Polanski business is just gross. Won’t go into a rant about that now.

  48. Judith

    The one thing that makes me totally LOL is the gusset sewn in the front of the jeans. Johnny Depp is wearing his FAT PANTS, people! Somebody phone Hell and find out when the skating rink opens.

  49. brianinsanfran

    He’s been hanging out with Helena Bonham Carter too much.

  50. messymethodsewing

    Testin123 gets my undying love for pointing out that JD is a 40 year old male Momsen. Trying WWWWWAAAAAAYYY too hard.

    Interestingly enough I once saw Depp in real life in the nineties and he was in fact wearing a trucker cap.

    But whoever sewed that jacket is awesome. Look how that plaid matches — not just the pocket but the sleeve — the sleeve is perfection!

  51. jynnan tonnix

    @Heather…off topic, but I feel your pain. I grew up in England until the age of 10, but lost the accent within a few years. 40 years later, there’s not a trace left.

    But you still WRITE with an English accent, if that helps :)

  52. Tia

    He is way, way hot, but this is unbelievably out of control!!! :)

  53. hapsap

    lol at someof you fools here, ironically saying that he’s pretensious (looking at you Katharine and testin) but coming on here saying that just because he is wearing something and doesn’t CARE, which by the way, he’s never cared at ALL, then you’re implying that he’s a phony. Hmm, what? and Moonay don’t be that person, that was an old quote and we don’t know if he still feels that about Polanski way now, with kids now, so if the same group of you (if they are reading they know who I’m talking about) that goes on every article of his and post that same crap then be my guest, but you’re wasting time and also with the obligatory “I don’t like his stuff anyhow”, that’s the most tired predictable response yet SMH

  54. Jessica

    We can disagree without calling each other fools, please!


  55. shannon

    Oh Johnny, you make me laugh so. I know EXACTLY what has happened here. You have turned up at the airport with too much luggage again haven’t you, and the baggage handlers have told you that you’re only allowed the standard 28 kilos and in a display of utter genius you have opened your bag and immediately put on as many items of clothing as you could possibly manage with the requirement of still being able to walk. AND you won, you scallywag you. But ps. you left the oil rag you used to polish the car earlier in your pocket.. that really doesn’t need to travel with you. Learn to not hoard everything and let go Johnny. LET GO.

  56. Lyndsey

    testing123 – i thought it WAS Mickey Rourke when i first saw the little pic… not good times for the Depp but i fell in love at the Edward Scissorhands phase and have been incurable ever since… sigh.

  57. Carolina Girl

    I don’t care that he’s wearing his fat pants or channeling Mickey Rourke. The fact that this man, when asked by a little girl AND WITHOUT FANFARE OR HIS PUBLICIST CALLING EVERY WEEKLY MAGAZINE ON THE PLANET, dressed up in his Capt. Jack Sparrow costume and went to read to her school to read to her class, gives him a pass in my book.

  58. Kato Valentine

    The clothes do not detract from the fact he looks all surgery’d up, looking like a freshening has taken place from the neck up…………………………………………………..

  59. Emma

    Holy Truman Capote! Johnny: lose at least one layer and the hanky, and also scrub off one layer of self tanner. I can continue with my crush on you unembarassed for either one of us.

  60. jessica

    he reminds me of a squirrel packing up nuts for winter. You’re a freaking movie star! they don’t give you a room to keep the rest of your clothes in?


    I think he’s slowly morphing into Jack Sparrow. Soon a head scarf will replace the hat, eyeliner will replace the glasses, and the Seinfeld Pirate Shirt will replace the crusty hanky/scarf/blazer ensemble…


    Addendum: Maybe he should see if he could borrow Boobs Legsly’s bootaloons…Then the transformation would be complete…

  63. Ivy

    If he is in NYC, I can understand, because it is really cold right now, like 16 degrees or something. If he is in a warm climate, I don’t understand the layers. And he could wear a baby outfit with a pacifier in his mouth and still be gorgeous, sorry, that’s the truth.

  64. melissa

    come on, people! he’s doing letterman, not going on a coffee run. he’s not trying too hard to look like he doesn’t care, he’s eccentric and probably a little chilly (it is winter in ny and all).

    check out johnny in ‘dead man’. great movie. really f-ing weird.

  65. Wendy

    I just want to publicly declare my thanks to you, Fug Girls, for the horsey, out-loud laugh I just burst out with at “three more coats AND two trucker hats, and I’d still want to lay him down.” That made my day.

  66. vandalfan

    I’d like to take this all off of him, piece by piece, one by one. The only bothersome thing for me, really, is the long hanging down rag in his pocket. I think those jeans have large painter’s pockets on the front, not a fat jeans gusset. I’m old enough to be his mother (well, almost) and I’d have him even if he was wearing a tutu, swim fins, and a fez.

  67. Claire

    The only problem I really have is the jeans. Wear proper trousers, Mr Depp!

  68. Bethany B.

    I hear he’s changed his name to Johnny Hobo.

  69. Amy

    I swear, my first thought was that “Friends” episode, too! Oh Joey. You totally got Chandler with that one.

  70. Anne B

    i am legitimately … taking these three outfits Johnny is simultaneously wearing as an invitation to peel the top two off.

    And perhaps the third as well.

    America, are you with me??

  71. wonwon

    This is my favourite site on the web, but even so I don’t feel that a person’s attire makes them less attractive, not really. Not unless it’s the only thing you judge them by, and since I happen to know Depp from several movies and so forth, I legitimately think he could dress as Lady Gaga and I’d find him hot.

    And beside the jeans I actually dig this. Especially the shades.

  72. Em

    I never saw 21 Jump Street but he’s still lush as can be.

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