Fug or Fab: Jenna Dewan-Tatum


So, apparently people are speculating that Jenna Dewan  might be pregnant [and apparently they confirmed it today, after I wrote this post, but I'm leaving it as-is anyway -- H], and here is why:

Now, that volume is clearly the dress — I am not at all saying she looks heavy, because that would be insane. But if you are Jenna Dewan, I suspect you don’t wear a dress shaped like that, nor stand in this posture, unless you Have A Secret. It FEELS like the tepid version of Beyonce hopping up on stage at the VMAs and ripping open her blazer and cupping her stomach. I will be curious to see where this goes, or even if, in fact, there has already been an announcement by the time this post runs. [Yup. Right on time, in People. -H] Maybe she’s just messing with us, though, because she knows that being married to the Sexiest Man Alive will yield a lot of interest in his Sexiest Sperm Alive.

Let’s look at the whole thing:

She IS also looking … mammarially full. But I don’t know what they usually like like, so who am I to say? The dress itself is pretty; maternity or not, it doesn’t really fit. In the former case you could excuse it — if your chest suddenly blows up and you get the dress sent to you that day, there’s really no saving it. If she planned it to be a cleavage showcase, though, then the whole thing is a little bit Faerie Seductress for me, like you’d see her in a calendar as Miss September with the coy quote, “I put the ‘wood’ in ‘wood nymph.’”

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[Photo: Getty]


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Comments (21):

  1. k

    I don’t care so much about the dress. I am, however, excited at the prospect of a Tatum tot. (Okay, mainly I inexplicably love tater tots and am excited to make a very bad joke. Sorry, fug nation. I couldn’t restrain myself.)

    • Helen

      Doesn’t everyone love Tater Tots?

      I totally see “Tatum tot” catching on!

  2. Helen

    When your boobs blow up so that the chosen dress suddenly doesn’t fit, which I’m charitably assuming to have been the case, wear something else.

    And maybe Jenna should’ve stayed home anyway. I’m getting sympathy nausea and bloating just looking at that miserable grimace, trying so hard to smile but not making it at all. She might have been much happier in bed with some tea and saltines.

  3. sara

    She could definitely stand to smile…and maybe tone down the makeup a little?

  4. Mouse

    She’s in classic early pregnancy mode – stand with an arched back to make the non-existent tummy show (because, to you, it’s already huge!). Little do you know that, by the end of the pregnancy, you’ll be missing your waist…

    • Billie

      So true!

      Also, this dress would be a great late 2nd trimester or 3rd trimester dress when your entire abdomen is baby and all you want to wear is an acceptable muumuu. She is probably the only one who sees the teeny tiny pooch that currently occupies the previous concave area on her stomach.

  5. The Rizz

    I’m 14 weeks pregnant and all I can do is sympathize with her expression.

  6. Sandra

    Pregnancy is no reason to go out in public wearing Titania’s nightie.

    • Scouse Helen

      I laughed a lot at this, and at the ‘faerie seductress’ crack. Nice one.

      I think the frock would be pretty if the bodice went straight across and her embonpoint didn’t look like two over-filled ice cream cones. Loving the tiara.

      • anny

        Dear Scouse Helen,
        May I weep upon your feet at your use of “embonpoint”?

        • pantsonfire

          I was unfamiliar with that word and looked it up. Now I’m quite fond of it. It’s such a lovely-looking word with what appears to be a nuanced meaning. I love words like that. Sadly, it’s also one of those words that I cannot hope to pronounce correctly, no matter how many times I listen to that funny, nasally man say it on Merriam-Webster. And anyway, I don’t particularly like the way it sounds (at least not as said by Monsieur Nasal).

  7. Jules

    Looking at this makes my boobs ache. I shudder to think how hers must be feeling.

  8. terri

    So sorry if this is a repeat grouse, but those floating star things are making me CRACKERS! I’m getting all Mrs. White with the FLAMES up in here. To whom should we send the pleading emails to get those m-F@#$ers taken OFFFFFF??!?

    Thanks. Sorry. I love you guys.

    • terri

      (Also, have the Great Brains whose idea it was to add those “Get the Look” thingies considered that they are being attached to outfits that are, generally, being hilariously derided?)

    • Jessica

      You can turn them off yourself. Hover over the top left side of the photo. It should say, “Luminate is on.” Click it and you get an option to turn it off. You will never see them again.

  9. hillary l.

    Totally called it on the pregnancy bit weeks ago – she’s been hoofing it around town in boxy silhouettes, and goodness knows this girl loves a body-con dress. Wishing them all the best, and more fabric for her breasts in the meantime.

  10. Rayna

    Dress and accessories are GORGEOUS.

    Fit – not so much.

    I would cut a pregnant mama a LOT of slack, but I really don’t think it’s the best look at this point in time.

  11. thebutlerdidit

    I always forget how pretty she really is, but this is straight up, “My Big Fat Super Sweet Teen Mom Quincenera.” Not a good look for a gorgeous lady.

  12. Fashion Designers No
  13. Fashion Designers No
  14. Lily1214

    She looks great.

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