I am struggling to articulate what’s bugging me here. So let’s just throw a bunch of words at it.

This is at least very dignified, I suppose. The dress could be interesting, even with its doily-toga vibe, and I get that the tights are seasonally appropriate. But roll it all together, consider her unusually (for her) muted lips, and the hair that reads like a wig sold in a bag, and… it’s a little prim on her, no? I hate to say it, but Pain Hand thinks she looks like Hilary Duff crossed with a Hilton. A classier Hilton,  to be sure. Say, a cousin. But still. Not generally the combo one hopes to achieve.

Pain Hand, though, is slathered in silver creme and wrapped up like a mummy, so maybe its worldview is blocked. It can’t see through its ointment and Norco fog.

[Photo: Getty]